No, I'm actually quite serious.

No joker.

Hey, Hey, Bruce wayne.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

A billionaire playboy Bruce wayne.

Hey, hey, Hey, Bruce Bruce.

Hey, brucey brucey Bruce Bruce, I'm ignoring you because I'm not Bruce wayne.

You're not, you look like him.

I'm not him.

I don't know who Bruce wayne is.

I'm batman.

You're not a bad, silly.

These are bad.

Get them away.

I'm so scared.

Whoa, dude, talk about a scaredy bat.

Are you scared of this kind of back to know just the other kind?

Really?

Because this fact could do some real damage if swung around carelessly?

My bible beale.

Whoa.

You drive a Batmobile?

Yes.

Are you scared of your car?

Because it's a bat car?

No, I'm not scared of my car.

Are you scared of yourself?

Because you're a bad person?

Well, that's actually kind of a philosophical question.

I suppose I am scared of myself sometimes.

I've seen some terrible, terrible things.

You see, my parents were killed when I was very young.

Was it Bruce Wayne's parents killed when he was young?

Uh, and isn't Bruce Wayne scared of bats because he got trapped in that bat cave that one time and why hasn't anyone seen batman and Bruce wayne together before we run in different social circles.

Okay.

Oh, so you do know who Bruce wayne is I.

Um, look, leave me alone.

Okay, I am, busy fighting crime.

I have to focus.

Probably a good call.

Stop it.

So, any crimes tonight?

Not yet.

Any thieves out.

Robin tonight.

That's not funny.

Well, this is jingle bells.

Batman smells?

Robin laid an egg?

The Batmobile lost a headlight.

And Batman is Bruce Wayne.

Hey, that's not how it goes.

Now.

Would you leave me alone?

I have to keep an eye out for the bat signal.

What's the bat signal?

Not this.

Turn signal.

I hope.

Please.

Would you get that bat away from my car?

Sure thing.

Get out of here.

Back.

I I've always wondered what is the Batmobile?

Horn sounds like it sounds like a horn.

Yeah, but what kind of horn does it make like a pink or more like a Neither.

So more of a Oh, God.

Or is it like a None of those?

It sounds like none of those.

So it doesn't sound like Bruce Wayne says what?

What?

I said, Bruce Wayne says what?

And you said what?

I can do it.

You're Bruce Wayne.

I told you I'm not.

I'm not Bruce wayne.

You're not not, Bruce Wayne.

No, I mean, yes.

So you're not.

Not, not, not Bruce wayne.

I don't know.

You don't know who you are.

Of course I know who I am.

Now.

Will you excuse me?

Commissioner?

Gordon?

Turned on the bat signal.

Which means Gotham needs me.

Wait, that's the bat signal.

Yes, You're kidding me.

That can't be the signal.

Why not?

Well, what if it's not cloudy.

Can they just not call you If it's a clear night, attention criminals of Gotham only commit crimes on cloudless night.

Would you stop?

That's a bat signal.

Okay.

It's what we've got and I'm totally not Bruce Wayne and I've got to go stop crying now because I'm a super awesome superhero.

No, batman.

You're such a joker.

No, I'm actually quite serious.

No joker never catch me.

Get back here.

Well, that was fun.

But now I'm bored.

Yeah.

Hey, peter parker.

Hey, you've got to be kidding me.

Hey, fruit lovers and welcome to story time.

I'm orange and I'm cece.

Whoa.

I usually do these with pair.

Well apparently not today.

What happened did he call in?

Sick?

Yeah.

Sick of you now.

What's today's story?

I totally didn't read it.

Oh well I didn't read it either.

That's usually pairs job.

But today we're telling the story of batman.

I don't know that story very well, but I sure do know the theme song.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no batman.

Okay.

Here we go.

Let's just wing it the best we can.

Okay, so one thing I do know is that batman's real name is Bruce Wayne.

Why does he have two first names?

I don't know.

Probably the same reason his superhero name is to mammals.

Anyway.

What I don't remember is the name of the city.

He lives in Gothic city.

Gothic bold century Gothic, pretty sure those are font.

Gotham city.

Gotham City?

Yeah, that's, it sounds like the kind of place that has a hot topic on every corner.

That's exactly the kind of place it is.

And one day when young brucie muk, first two names and his ba zillionaire parents were leaving one of God's cities, numerous hot topic locations.

His parents got murdered.

Whoa.

Who killed him?

I don't know.

I'm pretty sure it was back.

Right, batman.

Well that almost makes too much sense.

But hold on.

Why were his parents so rich?

Well, you know how bat poop is like really expensive?

Who doesn't, I'm pretty sure they were trafficking bat poop and then bat mafia put out a hit on him.

Okay, It was kind of making sense before, but now it's making complete sense.

Of course it was a bad hit.

You hit things with the bat.

My mind is bologna right now.

My mind is literally mush.

Let's continue.

Okay, so here's the part I'm confused about if bats killed his parents then why did he dress up like them all the time?

Isn't it obvious to blend in so he could take them out from the inside From the inside of what?

Probably their bat cave.

Oh, there's a term I somewhat recognize.

We must be on the right track.

Okay, so batman gained entrance to the evil bats cave.

How'd he get in?

I don't know.

He probably better rang the doorbell or something nice, but point is he got inside and that's when he went back to crazy on him.

He was punching out bad every this way and that he punched one clear through a cloud.

That's why the clouds always looked like that in the movies.

Oh, did he punch went through a car?

And that's why the battlefield looks like a bat orange.

Don't be ridiculous.

Sorry.

Anyway, after avenging his parents death, he teamed up with Robin whose parents were murdered by Robin's, Whoa, Robbins can kill people, their murderous savages.

Orange.

How do you think their chest got so red?

Oh my goodness, I'm learning so much today.

Wait so Catwoman, her parents were murdered by cat.

The penguin penguins.

Yeah, they have really sharp beaks.

What about Mr freeze?

I think you already know the answer.

His family was murdered by popsicles, weren't they?

Yes.

Oh, I've never trusted popsicles, not one bit.

And so to this day, batman protects the citizens of the city from bats and Robbins and cats and penguins and popsicles using his massive wealth accrued from trafficking bat poop the end.

Hey everyone, I'm claire and I'm batman, Would you take that mask off?

Okay, but I should warn you, I'm wearing more than one anyway, as your fruit lovers at home have probably figured out today, we're showing you how to be batman pair.

You're saying it wrong, It's proud to be batman.

Okay, how to be batman, how to be batman.

Where's Rachel?

Oh man, this is gonna be a fun one.

Can we start already?

Not yet.

Not until I get the signal.

Okay, Step one become a billionaire.

That way you can buy all kinds of cool bath toys and have a secret layer and a butler and stuff.

Hold on.

Be a billionaire dude.

Do you realize how hard it is to get that much money?

I don't know what to tell you pair.

It makes sense to me.

Besides, we should be focusing more on the bath toys from talking bat wings, battlefield batarangs.

When you're a billionaire, all you gotta do is put back in front of a word and it becomes a back tastic item in your utility belt.

Seriously, any word at all?

Right, that's a good one pair.

The bat right?

What a pen That could be used to stab your enemies and it dispenses the appropriate amount of ink in a reliable manner.

Stop even better.

The backstop.

A stop sign painted black.

The bad guys can't see it, but you can't because you're batman.

Oh, he should have paid more attention in driver's training and that's no joke.

Can we please move on?

Surely there's more to being batman than just being a billionaire For sure.

Step two is super important.

You have to disguise yourself.

See there's no way you can tell who I really am.

Yeah, pretty sure your orange, the teeth are a dead giveaway.

Not to mention the whole annoying aura.

Yeah, well of course you can tell who I am.

I'm not doing the voice yet.

The voice is part of the disguise dude, I think everyone can tell where's Rachel?

Wait, I forgot to laugh like batman does.

Okay, that was terrifying.

Dare I ask, is there a step three?

You bet there is, Yeah, step three and that's that You're batman constantly, Are you serious?

No, I'm not serious, I'm batman.

If you saying it up it'll become true dude, you're crazy if you think anyone's gonna fall for that.

I'm not crazy.

I'm batman, so annoying.

I'm not annoying.

I'm batman.

Wait, I didn't laugh wrong, Would you stop at weigh.

Thanks for doing this.

It's really great agility practice for the upcoming spinach quidditch season, spinach quidditch, it's just so much fun to say, Whoa!

I think there's something hidden behind the blender.

I came as soon as I saw.

Where's the commissioner?

Uh dude, we just found this thing by accident.

What are you talking about?

Oh nothing, go about your business, everyone, nothing to see here carry on.

I'm I'm definitely not the world renowned superhero known as man bat huh?

I've never heard of anyone called man bat me neither.

You've never heard of man bat.

Well then you've probably hear of me renowned billionaire, wayne Bruce, nope, not ringing any bells.

You're kidding me.

I mean I'm super rich.

My guano is worth its weight in gold Guano isn't that bad poop.

Yeah, Guano is bat poop So what Guano is like the best and the most expensive fertilizer in the world.