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  • - If I was a kid today and I grew up

  • in the house I grew up in,

  • you better (snaps) believe I'm over at school like,

  • "We live in a tiny home."

  • And they'd be like, "Your tiny home's a trailer."

  • (woman laughs)

  • - You poor (beeps).

  • - Really expensive tiny homes

  • are often made from the shipping containers.

  • You know, I'm like, that's a trailer.

  • They took my poor person home and rebranded it.

  • Now they sell it to the rich. (shushing)

  • Hi I'm Trixie Mattel.

  • - And I'm Katya.

  • - And we are two Queens who like to watch.

  • - Then today we have the very distinct pleasure

  • of watching an incredible holiday film.

  • Dolly Parton's "Christmas on the Square,"

  • directed by the incomparable, Debbie Allen.

  • ♪ Christmas on the square ♪

  • ♪ Christmas on the square ♪

  • Do you do Christmas in the circle?

  • No (laughs).

  • On the square.

  • - Let's get into it.

  • Let's get into the Debbie Allen.

  • (energetic music)

  • And spoiler alert.

  • If you haven't figured out,

  • we actually watch the show

  • on the show we watch the show.

  • So don't ruin it for yourselves. (chuckles)

  • So we have Dolly Parton portraying a person

  • in between living situations,

  • but I'm sure she's going to do it very flawlessly.

  • And we have other gay icon, Christine Baranski

  • playing sort of a Scrooge McDuck character

  • who wants to evict people around Christmas.

  • - Get outta here.

  • - I love Christine Baranski.

  • - Me too.

  • - Icon.

  • Oh my God.

  • Let me get my Dolly Parton heartstrings tissues,

  • just in case something happens.

  • - Let me get mine. I'm going to get mine too.

  • Hold on.

  • - Got it.

  • - [Katya] Me too. - Dolly Parton sent me these

  • after the heartstrings episode

  • and they're tissues that say Dolly things.

  • This says, "When I'm feeling a little low,

  • "I put on my high heels."

  • - I think that's so beautiful.

  • - And look, I got my Dolly Parton doll

  • for this moment.

  • - Oh, wow.

  • - I mean, she doesn't look exactly like her,

  • but it's pretty good, right?

  • - It's beautiful.

  • - It's so beautiful.

  • ♪ Love and compassion ♪

  • (women gasp)

  • - Oh my God.

  • ♪ Better to give than receive ♪

  • - I love Dolly.

  • I mean, she looks great.

  • - I'm obsessed.

  • ♪ Gotta get out of this town ♪

  • ♪ There's no reason to wait around ♪

  • ♪ Gotta get out of this town. ♪ ♪ Santa's comin' around. ♪

  • - We are watching a Christmas musical film.

  • - Absolutely.

  • ♪ Christmas lights and snowball fights ♪

  • (woman claps)

  • - Oh my eye.

  • (woman exclaims)

  • ♪ Christmas on the square ♪

  • - This town is being sold.

  • So let's avoid disaster.

  • It's in my jurisdiction

  • to hand you this eviction,

  • you'll also get out.

  • - Oh she's serving evictions

  • to the entire town right before Christmas.

  • You better work, (beeps).

  • I know that's evil.

  • It's also very chic.

  • - Juicy, energetic.

  • - Of what will be the biggest mall in middle America.

  • - It's very small-town vibes and the malls are evil.

  • - Malls yeah. Mom and pop. - 'Cause they kill

  • the small businesses.

  • - They killed mom and pop.

  • Yeah.

  • - Change?

  • ♪ Christmas on the square ♪

  • - Me (chuckles).

  • - Give credit where it's due.

  • Dolly's in her '70s, I believe.

  • - 74 I think yeah.

  • - I'm 31 and I literally look like a dead person.

  • (woman chuckles)

  • So she's doing good.

  • - I'm guessing right now

  • that Dolly Parton is an angle.

  • - Oh God. She is going to be an angle.

  • Isn't she?

  • - Yeah.

  • - She's going to be an angle on

  • and later on she's gonna save somebody in the town.

  • So she's pretending to be a homeless person.

  • Who's pretending

  • to be homeless person.

  • - See it's a test.

  • She's testing the town.

  • (upbeat music)

  • Gay, gay.

  • This is (beeps) gay.

  • - Oh they're doing this.

  • ♪ Christmas is the time for beauty ♪

  • - Regina's childhood best friend.

  • The incredible showstopping Ms. Jennifer Lewis.

  • - But even though we're friends

  • who have grown up here together,

  • it's time for that change.

  • - Regina I'm the only friend you got

  • and you never even told me?

  • - Oh she's such a bless her heart.

  • - Dolly Parton's great because it's the only place

  • in the world a Dolly Parton thing

  • is where you can find zealous homophobes

  • and the gayest people alive holding hands singing.

  • - Utopian fantasy.

  • - Even with a show like this where they're not going to even

  • say the word (beeps), I'll say it (beeps).

  • (car beeps)

  • - Jennifer Lewis comes to do Regina's hair.

  • And we find out the ins and outs

  • of her relationship with Carl'.

  • - You don't give them the eviction notice and then say,

  • "Can you cut bags?"

  • You know what I mean?

  • - Exactly.

  • - You want to get the hair done

  • and then tip them with the eviction notice.

  • - Classic white lady behavior.

  • - Gonna break that man's heart all over again.

  • - Oh please.

  • - What hair do you think is under there?

  • She's going to pull that towel off.

  • What do you think?

  • - A black aggressive mullet.

  • - I think it's just a fully shaved.

  • It's a shaved head to the skin.

  • - Sticks and stones may break my bones.

  • - But words and deeds can slay.

  • (upbeat music)

  • ♪ Hey oh ♪

  • ♪ You just crumble and scoff ♪

  • - I don't need exfoliant for this face off.

  • ♪ You oughta know ♪

  • ♪ You oughta know ♪

  • ♪ You oughta know ♪

  • (woman laughs)

  • - We find ourselves in all different places in life.

  • Sometimes you find yourself trying to run from your hometown

  • and run from your problems

  • and put everyone out of their house and home in the process.

  • And then losing your way a little bit. (laughs)

  • - I do find this relatable though,

  • because nothing in life, more than hardship,

  • calls for passionate singing for a resolution.

  • Don't you find that?

  • - Well some people hate musical theater

  • because they will never get past the fact

  • that people break into song. Do you know what I mean?

  • Oh really?

  • - Oh yeah.

  • - When you go see a musical and they start singing,

  • are you like,

  • "That's not realistic"? - Well see that's the problem.

  • I don't go see them, I don't go.

  • 'Cause I know that's gonna happen.

  • I go (gags).

  • - Okay so Regina figures out that pastor Christian,

  • which is his name. - What was his name again?

  • What was his name again?

  • - Pastor Christian.

  • Pastor Christian.

  • (woman laughs)

  • And they're about to have like an anti-Regina meeting

  • and Regina finds out about it.

  • Pastor Evan G. Elical.

  • - Greed ahead of their fellow man

  • would trudge a rocky road ahead.

  • - Note to self, buy more comfortable shoes.

  • (woman laughs)

  • - She's a (beeps).

  • - So Regina is going to visit her old lover, Carl,

  • but he gets mad because she's evicting him.

  • Nothing says I'm over it like a full eviction.

  • - Oh yeah, Treat Williams.

  • Legendary Hollywood star.

  • - Mama you're lookin' like a real treat.

  • I'm a thick woke tree. (laughs)

  • - Regina. - I want her to be like,

  • "It's been awhile and it's Regina now,"

  • and then slam her bag down on the counter.

  • "I go by Regina."

  • - You know how many unanswered letters I sent to you?

  • - Letters?

  • - A hundred percent me.

  • I'm like, "I wrote you for two years."

  • The guy's like, "We've met twice."

  • (woman laughs)

  • I'm like, "Oh."

  • - Is that my dad's lamp?

  • - Yeah I bought a lot

  • of his old stuff over the years.

  • - Is that a Yankee candle he's workin'?

  • - [Trixie] Oh it looks like an antique store.

  • - I love antique stores.

  • - This isn't even a general store anymore.

  • It's just a...

  • It's a second-hand shop filled

  • with broken dolls and broken dreams.

  • (music box plays) - Somebody came to my house.

  • They go, "You need to get out of here.

  • "This isn't even a condo anymore.

  • "It's just old Barbie dolls

  • "and pee jars next to the bed."

  • (woman laughs)

  • - It's just a cemetery filled with cat (beeps).

  • - And by the way,

  • Dolly Parton in red. - Sparkling.

  • - Is still so glam.

  • - I am so into it.

  • - I'm gonna get change out

  • of you one way or the other. (chuckles)

  • - [Trixie] Oh I get it she's asking for change.

  • Personal change.

  • - Yeah.

  • - She's begging for change within.

  • - Dr. Marshall, I'm so sorry.

  • - Perhaps you'd like to drop by my office.

  • I don't think it's proper to have-

  • - The doctor is worried about

  • a shadow on her brain scan.

  • Brush with death.

  • She's going to find out the true meaning of life.

  • - She said, "If you don't give me a dollar,

  • "I'm going to give you a brain cancer."

  • Guess what Dolly's angel name is?

  • - Paula?

  • - Her name is Angel.

  • Angel the Angle.

  • (woman laughs)

  • Angel the Angle.

  • - So Pastor Christian, an angel angel. (laughs)

  • - By that logic, Christine Baranski's character name

  • should be like rich (beeps).

  • - Felicity can you flip the switch

  • in the power box?

  • - You need some light?

  • (lights twinkle)

  • (woman gasp)

  • - What are you doing here? - Skinny floating. (claps)

  • So skinny. - Skinny. (laughs)

  • So skinny.

  • ♪ Everybody needs an angel ♪

  • - I do have a brain tumor.

  • - I don't even need Dolly to be floating.

  • If I saw her, I would say, "I have a brain tumor."

  • - What do you want from me?

  • - Change.

  • (woman chuckles)

  • - I want (claps) 75 cents.

  • - For a $50 bill.

  • - I need a roll of quarters.

  • I've got a two loads down

  • the street at the laundry.

  • - If we put our heads together, we can-

  • - Take it off, baby.

  • I would (beeps) that priest.

  • - Maybe we'll singe her hair.

  • - Or we'll trap her like a bear.

  • - Maybe we'll just rough her up a little.

  • ♪ Wicked witch of the middle ♪

  • ♪ She steals our homes and fiddles ♪

  • - So the townspeople are displaying

  • a wonderful mob mentality

  • and highlighting the hypocrisy of church-going folk.

  • - I mean religious people saying that they want

  • to identify someone they don't like and string them up.

  • This isn't necessarily a fantasy anymore.

  • (woman laughs)

  • - Those people don't wanna see your face.

  • - [Katya] They're going to burn you at the stake.

  • - Tacky.

  • - Oh, those shoes are fierce.

  • - I wonder if booze is good for brain tumors.

  • - Me.

  • A brain tumor?

  • Well yeah we'll switch to gin.

  • - Clear alcohol only.

  • - Whiskey?

  • - Aren't you a little young to be bartending?

  • - My name is Violet

  • and I'm old enough to accept tips.

  • - (laughs) Fierce.

  • (woman hums)

  • - (gasps) Oh good Heavens.

  • - Yes they are.

  • (women laugh)

  • And what exactly are you doing

  • this morning and why? - Plot twist.

  • Regina's assistant is actually an angel in training.

  • Under the mentorship of Dolly Parton.

  • Incredible.

  • - She's not a full angle.

  • - She's a right angle. - She's an acute angle.

  • - Regina, I am always here for you.

  • - Of course you are.

  • That's what I pay you for.

  • - I'm just gonna say this

  • I'm not unlike her as a boss.

  • - I was (chuckles) just gonna say that.

  • - I'm not.

  • - Now get me my coffee.

  • - That is so you. - Me girl.

  • Me but it's not coffee. - That is so you.

  • - It's a green goddess juice.

  • I'm like (claps).

  • - Regina, I'm just tryin' - Felicity

  • if you want a friend, get a dog.

  • - Fair play. - Girl, that is me

  • when somebody on Grindr's like, "No but

  • "I'm not interested in having sex or anything,

  • "but like we could hang out."

  • I said, "Mama,

  • "let me get something very clear to you right now.

  • "I'm not here to make friends."

  • (woman laughs)

  • I guess what I'm saying is...

  • - You're a monster.

  • - People are prickly

  • and our friend Christine Baranski here needs

  • to lighten up a little bit. - Yeah.

  • ♪ Everybody needs a angel ♪

  • ♪ Everybody needs a friend ♪

  • ♪ Everybody needs an angel ♪

  • - Did you just take your pants off?

  • - (laughs) No.

  • - I thought you stood up and pulled pants down

  • and sat back down.

  • I say you better work.

  • - Oh no, not again.

  • - Brain tumor or not I still haven't gotten my change yet.

  • (women laugh)

  • (woman claps)

  • - For an angel, she's not very compassionate.

  • She's like, "I don't care if you have a brain tumor,

  • "I'm looking for you to become

  • "a slightly better person."

  • Okay so we're gonna find out exactly

  • what happened to Regina.

  • And it was around high school.

  • It was around her school dance

  • and she had a pregnancy

  • and had the baby snatched away.

  • So that's what all this trauma is about.

  • - It's also where I went in my first and only dance.

  • - She was in "Fame" (chuckles).

  • - Well, funny you mentioned it

  • because the woman who directed this choreographed fame,

  • the musical. - Oh my God, Debbie Allen.

  • - Debbie Allen.

  • ♪ It's happy town ♪

  • ♪ We're a gettin' down ♪

  • - Wow.

  • - Fierce.

  • Not to be gay,

  • but I go to dance concerts for the women.

  • - I was stunned.

  • - (gasps) It's a misunderstanding.

  • He's showin' her the ring. - He's showing her the ring.

  • - That he's gonna propose

  • to her with. - Yes.

  • - And she's like, "Oh my God, I love it congratulations."

  • - Teenagers jumped to conclusions hormones.

  • You know.

  • - When my father found out that I was going

  • to have a baby, he was devastated.

  • And by the time I had the baby,

  • the father had moved on

  • to another girl and another town.

  • - Daddy please.

  • Please don't take my baby.

  • - Regina, I'm doing what's best.

  • - This reminds me of when I went

  • to one of those haunted houses

  • that's put on by churches.

  • - Oh no. (chuckles)

  • It's just abortion and hell.

  • - This is exactly what that is.

  • I love Christians in small towns

  • because you can't have the baby,

  • but if you're going to have it, it has to be a bartender.

  • Okay I gotta update you.

  • Stop.

  • I gotta update you on the child bartender.

  • Now we're not going to laugh.

  • It's very sad.

  • But you guessed it.

  • The young bartender,

  • the precocious young girl was hit by a car.

  • (woman laughs)

  • - We were on our way

  • to the cemetery so she could leave flowers

  • on her mother's grave like every Christmas.

  • - [Katya] Wow was that her blood?

  • That's a lot of blood.

  • - My baby girl.

  • - [Katya] Who hit her with the car?

  • That's what I want to know.

  • - Regina's cars has blood all over the hood.

  • She's trying to wipe it off.

  • I can't believe, who's done this?

  • - I do believe in you and I'm asking you.

  • I am begging you.

  • - [Trixie] I love it when Christians call

  • it the big guy upstairs.

  • - Who is it, George Foreman?

  • - I'm so country.

  • I'm like my unemployed uncle who lives in my bedroom.

  • (woman chuckles)

  • By the way, I love that these adults are like,

  • "If she dies, who's gonna make our drinks?"

  • - How will I pour myself a whiskey neat?

  • ♪ You need to swoop down ♪

  • ♪ When an angel knows your dreams ♪

  • ♪ We know how to make 'em come true ♪

  • - That kid is so cute.

  • I would never luck out like that.

  • My kid would never be that cute.

  • - I know.

  • I want to give birth to a precocious bartender.

  • - The kid would be like, "I think I'm pulling through."

  • I'd be like, "We lost her too soon."

  • (woman laughs)

  • Oh no.

  • The kid's like, "I'm fine."

  • I'm like, "(shushes) Don't fight it."

  • It's funny that like different levels

  • of cheese hit different

  • to different types of people.

  • Someone's scrap booking Mom is going

  • to (beeps) be inconsolable from this.

  • She's gonna be cutting up paper.

  • Like (cries).

  • Like just wrecked.

  • If I was a parent and it was Christmas time,

  • I'd be like, "Now this is

  • "a really important Christmas movie.

  • "Okay this is 'Die Hard.'"

  • "And if you pause it right here,

  • "when Bruce Willis is naked."

  • Look, I know.

  • - Well I found something inside.

  • It's my father's family Bible,

  • our family Bible.

  • It has the history of our family

  • and it's written in a Bible.

  • So it must be true.

  • - Oh gag. - Wow.

  • I'm gonna stop

  • you right there. - Gag.

  • - And then we had our first Christmas miracle.

  • I was that baby.

  • - I'm baby.

  • - I'm baby.

  • - And tonight- - I'm baby.

  • - On the holiest of nights. - I'm baby (chuckles).

  • - I had the privilege.

  • (woman laugh)

  • Of meeting- - Amen.

  • I'm baby.

  • - Please welcome.

  • My mother Regina Fuller.

  • (all gasp)

  • - Wow.

  • - Regina.

  • - Regina.

  • - Regina.

  • - It's Regina.

  • - If they pan left

  • and you've entered the town

  • and you're literally in red nasty lingerie.

  • And it's like (clicking tongue).

  • And they're like, "What?

  • "Who let that in?"

  • And you're like, "And I'm her dad."

  • (women laugh)

  • Whoa.

  • (woman cries)

  • This movie makes me think believing in God

  • could be a little fun.

  • Like a fun little weekend.

  • Dolly should make tree toppers of Dolly

  • with wings 'cause (beeps) people would pop off.

  • - Totally.

  • - You are a shining star.

  • And one of these days you'll be running this town.

  • - And pour me a drink.

  • - Bring it home, Dolly.

  • ♪ Christmas is a time for angels ♪

  • - Okay it turns out becoming an angel very worth it

  • 'cause the fashions, they look great.

  • - That dress is so cute.

  • (upbeat music)

  • (woman cries)

  • (woman claps)

  • - Well to be honest, I love Christmas,

  • but my boyfriend's Jewish

  • and I get better Hanukkah presents.

  • - Eight of them.

  • - You get presents every day.

  • It's amazing. - Yeah (chuckles).

  • - Well, this show had everything.

  • Rich people.

  • - Precocious bartenders getting hit by cars.

  • - Antiques.

  • - A trap door, lamp posts, secret babies.

  • - A midnight mass for

  • the earnest proclamation that I'm baby.

  • (woman laughs)

  • This movie has Jennifer Lewis, Christine Baranski,

  • the hot guy from "AJ and the Queen."

  • - Economic justice.

  • - And on top of everything,

  • this movie has Dolly Parton.

  • - So go ahead and check out Dolly Parton's

  • "Christmas on the Square," on Netflix. (cries)

  • - [Trixie] Don't forget to shine your light.

  • (mid-tempo classical music)

- If I was a kid today and I grew up

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ドリー・パートンの「クリスマス・オン・ザ・スクエア」に反応するドラァグクイーンのトリクシー・マテル＆カーチャ (Drag Queens Trixie Mattel & Katya React to Dolly Parton's Christmas on the Square | I Like to Watch)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 02 月 04 日
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