(brooding music)

あまりにも　傷が深くて

(fighting)

おまえ　何も分かってねぇだろ！

- Think I care about this dress?

痛みも　感じなくなる

(muffled arguing)

だけど　心がゆさぶられると

- [Voiceover] Sometimes someone hurts you so bad

すべてが　よみがえってくる

- I don't think you understand.

あの言葉

- [Voiceover]] It stops hurting at all.

痛み

(brooding music)

その一瞬が　よみがえってくる

Until something makes you feel again.

私がどうしてこうなったか　あなたに分かるの？

And then it all comes back.

質問して　話を聴いてくれても

Every word.

実際には、聞こえないし　見えないし　感じない

Every hurt.

あなたは　私の記憶をたどれないし

Every moment.

今までの道のりを　歩いて来ていない

How could you ever understand where I come from?

私が見て来たものを　見ていないから…

Even if you ask, even if you listen,

過去が　今の私を作ったの

you do not really hear, or see, or feel.

これが私

You don't remember my story.

私は

You haven't walked my path.

誰にも　見えない

You haven't seen what I've seen.

聞こえない

(ocean waves)

必要とされていない

(desolate music)

それが私

My past defines me.

私という存在すら　あるのだとしたら…

This is who I am.

逃げるな！

I am

警察だ！

unseen,

おとなしくしろ！

unheard

支えてくれるはずの　人たちが

(camera flashing)

私を　ひきずり下ろしたように感じる

unwanted.

離して！

That is what I am.

世界が変わり

If even I am anything.

秩序が失われてしまった

(siren)

今までの日常が　消えてしまって

(car door)

大きな悲しみが　私を満たす

(knocking)

私の中の奈落に　どんどん落ちていく

- [Cop] You're under arrest.

出口が　見えない

Police.

みじめさに　絡み取られて

Get on the floor.

悲しみで　道を失い

(desolate music)

光が　見えなくなってしまった

- [Voiceover] It seem like the seemed like

夜明けが　なくなってしまった

the same thing that held me up forced me down.

感じること

- No.

希望をもつこと

- [Voiceover] In a world turned upside down,

触っちゃダメって言ったでしょ！

and order disappeared.

夢みること

(baby crying)

闇が　どんどん押し寄せる

Nothing was how it was suppose to be.

暗い夜ばかりが続く

And a heavy sadness filled my soul.

ひたすら　夜が続いて

(desolate music)

悪夢が　終わらなくて

(crickets)

朝にならない

(thunder)

理由を考えるときも　あるけれど

(desolate music)

考えないようにしている

- [Voiceover] Deeper and deeper I fell within myself.

やりすごす

- [Blonde Woman] It's all fluffy and fuzzy.

生き続けるために

- [Voiceover] And nothing could show me out.

大事なものが　戻ってくるなら

(baby crying)

他のことは　すべてどうでもいい

Trapped in the misery of my life.

そんなふうに思う

Lost in the sorrow of my soul.

お母さんの笑顔

Unable to see the light.

お母さんの歌声

Unable to see the dawn.

混沌の中で安らいだ　あの歌

To feel.

お母さんが　無理なら

To hope.

せめて　弟と会いたい

- What are you doing picking my fruit?

私がいないと　弟はどうなるの？

- [Voiceover] To dream.

一人で　きっと　怖いはず

(screaming)

大丈夫って　抱きしめてあげる

-[Voiceover] I found the darkest days of my life kept coming.

弟には必要なの

(screaming)

私には　誰が言ってくれるのかな

The blackest nights for my soul never stopped.

ゾーイ、初めまして！

- No, No.

来てくれて　ありがとう！

- Yes.

準備は　できたかな？

(screaming)

無力で　頼ることしかできない私

(water running)

でも支えてくれるはずの人たちが

- [Voiceover] It seemed like it

私という存在を　消していく

was always nighttime and nightmares,

約束は　聞き飽きたの

and never morning.

全部同じ

And maybe you wonder why,

ちょっとしたら

but mostly you try not think about it,

結局　約束は破られる

and try to get by,

陽は登るというけれど

and try to survive.

どこにあるの？

And all the other stuff seems so much like

私には　分からない

nothing compared to just wanting

さまようと　東の方向が分からなくなる

the most important things back again.

でもきっと陽は登るよね

Like wishing you could see your mom smile again

きっと

and hear her sing that one favorite song that always

そのことに　すがるだけ

calmed you down when things were all messed up.

ゆっくり　ゆっくり　時が過ぎていく

Or if you couldn't have her back,

もしかしたら　今回は

at least get to take care of your baby brother

混沌は　なくなっていくのかもしれない

because you know he needs you,

転ばないで済む　ようやく腰を下ろせる

and he's going to be so scared all alone.

そんなわずかな希望が生まれる

And whose going to hold his hand

この新しい生活を　信じて良いのかもしれない

and whisper it's going to be alright to him?

来てごらん

(baby crying)

これ買ってきたのよ

And who will whisper it to me?

プレゼントよ

- Hi ya, Zoe.

こんな服　どうでもいいだろ！

It's so good to have you here.

おまえ　何も分かってねぇだろ！

Are you ready to move in?

聞こえてんのかよ！

- [Voiceover] I know I'm helpless, dependent,

おまえ　何も分かってねぇだろ！

desperate, but what happens when those you

大丈夫だよと　私に教えて

need the most threaten your very existence?

同じことしたら　殺してやるからな

I've heard plenty of promises

手伝ってあげるわね

and they all sound the same.

触らないで！

But push hard enough and sooner or later

いつの日か

they all prove to be empty.

大嫌い！

The sun comes up every morning,

普通に戻れるのかな

but do you know where?

大嫌い！

Each place it's somewhere different.

一人じゃない日常に　戻れるのかな

It's hard to find east when you keep moving around,

抱きしめてくれる　お母さんがいて

but at least it comes.

守ってくれるの

It always comes.

自分一人では　無理なんだもの

I've come to depend on that.

もしもし

And slowly, slowly seasons changed around me,

電話した理由なんですけど

and it seemed this time that maybe the world

ありがとうございます

would not be pulled out from under me again.

助かります

Feet safe, roots starting to grow.

分かりました

Little buds of hope for me.

私の過去　　私の物語

Slowly attempting to trust this new life.

私のせいではないはず

- Hi, come over and let me show

私のせいじゃないよね？

you what I got for you.

これからの私は　変わっても良いはず

I got you a gift.

愛してもらえるはず

(far away arguing)

見守ってもらえるはず

- Do you think I care about this dress?

そのわずかな光が　救いになっている

I don't think you understand me.

そのわずかな光が　いつか

Do you?

陽がのぼることを　教えてくれる

I don't think you understand me.

- [Voiceover] I wish someone would tell me (background arguing)

it would be O.K.

- I swear to God you touch me again, - I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I will kill you.

- Here let me help you.

- [Zoe] No, don't touch me.

- [Voiceover] That one day, maybe.

- I hate you, I hate you.

- [Voiceover] I'll feel normal.

- [Zoe] I hate you.

- [Voiceover] That I won't always be alone.

That I'll have a mommy who will hug me

and be strong for me,

because maybe I can't do it all by myself.

(desolate music)

- [Foster Mother] Hi, yes.

I'm calling to (whispering).

Thank you so much.

Thanks.

O.K. (whispering)

(desolate music)

(drawer slam)

(drawer slam)

(drawer slam)

- [Voiceover] This my past, my history, my story,

is not my fault.

It's not because of me.

And doesn't have to be what defines my future.

(desolate music)

I am lovable.

I am worthy of care.

And that glimmer of light, it makes all the difference.

The glimmers of light give me hope that someday

my summer will come.

(desolate music)