WELCOME BACK TO "A LATE SHOW."

YOU KNOW, FOLKS, EVEN FROM A DISTANCE I CAN SENSE YOUR

EXCITEMENT BECAUSE IT'S TIME FOR THE NEXT INSTALT OF AMERICA'S

FAVORITE GAME SHOW, "THE COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE."

AND THE AWARD FOR BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN

"COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE" GOES TO... I'M SO EXCITED.

I'M SO EXCITED.

MERYL STREEP!

HEY, EVERYBODY, WE'RE HERE WITH MERYL STREEP.

MERYL, THANKS SO MUCH FOR AGREEING TO BE PART OF TONIGHT'S

QUESTIONNAIRE.

NOW WE GET INTO THE HEAT OF THE MEAT.

THIS IS THE ACTUAL 15 QUESTIONS ON THE "COLBERT QUESTIONNAIRE"

THAT HELPED REVEAL EXACTLY WHO A PERSON IS.

ALL RIGHT?

IT-- IT'S GOING TO BE PAINLESS, I PROMISE YOU.

>> OKAY.

>> Stephen: IF AT ANY POINT YOU SAY, "I DON'T WANT TO DO

THIS," WALK AWAY.

JUST WALK AWAY FROM THE CAMERA, MERYL.

MERYL STREEP, WHAT IS THE BEST SANDWICH?

>> PASTRAMI.

>> Stephen: ON?

>> RYE.

>> Stephen: THAT'S THE CORRECT ANSWER.

WHAT'S ONE THING YOU OWN THAT YOU SHOULD REALLY THROW OUT?

>> EVERY PIECE OF CLOTHING IN THERE!

ESPECIALLY THIS SHIRT, WHICH I'VE WORN ON SEVEN INTERVIEWS.

>> Stephen: WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE SHIRT?

>> NOTHING, BUT PEOPLE ARE SICK OF IT.

BUT I HAVE NOTHING ELSE.

AND I WAS THINKING OF WEARING A PLAID SHIRT, AND NOW YOU ARE

WEARING A PLAID SHIRT, SO IT'S A GOOD THING I DIDN'T.

>> Stephen: IT'S SIMPLE.

IT'S SILKY.

IT'S GOOD FOR THE HOLIDAYS BECAUSE IT'S CRANBERRY.

>> EXACTLY.

>> Stephen: IT FITS NEW ENGLAND WELL.

OKAY, WHAT'S THE SCARIEST ANIMAL?

>> OOOH!

BLACK WIDOW SPIDER.

WHICH YOU CAN IDENTIFY FROM THE LITTLE WHITE, SPIKY EGG POD.

YEAH.

>> Stephen: BLACK WIDOW SPIDER.

OKAY.

AND THE LITTLE-- THE HOUR GLASS ON ITS BELLY, TOO.

>> YES, NO, BUT THE WAY YOU CAN TELL THE NEST IS IF THAT-- IT

LOOKS LIKE A CORONAVIRUS, BUT WHITE.

>> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

>> THAT'S THEIR -- >> Stephen: ALL RIGHT.

>> EGG SACK.

>> Stephen: APPLES OR ORANGES?

>> APPLES.

>> Stephen: OF COURSE.

AND THE REASON BEING, YOU CAN'T PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON AN ORANGE.

>> PEOPLE HAVE, THOUGH.

IN MY FAMILY.

>> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER ASKED SOMEONE FOR THEIR

AUTOGRAPH?

>> YES.

>> Stephen: DO YOU MIND TELLING ME WHO?

>> RICHARD NIXON.

>> Stephen: DID YOU GET IT?

>> AND I GOT IT.

AND IT WAS ON A MILKY WAY WRAPPER.

AND I WAS 12, AND MY DAD TOOK ME TO SAN FRANCISCO AND HE WAS IN A

PARADE.

AND I RAN ALONGSIDE THE THING, AND I REACHED FOR THE WRAPPER

AND HE WROTE HIS NAME ON IT.

>> Stephen: DO YOU STILL HAVE IT?

>> NO!

>> Stephen: I WROTE RICHARD NIXON WHEN I WAS.

1972... WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD.

I HAD AN IDEA THERE SHOULD BE CONTINENTAL FLAGS.

WE HAD STATE FLAGS.

WE HAD CITY FLAGS.

WHY NOT CONTINENTAL FLAGS FOR UNITY OF NATIONS.

SO I WROTE-- WHAT'S-- WHAT'S TRUDEAU'S DAD?

PIERRE TRUDEAU.

I WROTE PIERRE TRUDEAU, I WROTE RICHARD NIXON AND WHOEVER AT THE

TIME WAS THE PRESIDENT OF MEXICO.

I GOT A LOVELY LETTER BACK FROM NIXON'S OFFICE SAYING, "THE

PRESIDENT LOVES YOUR IDEA," AND HE SENT A SIGNED BOOK OF PHOTOS

OF NIXON WITH CHILDREN.

( LAUGHING ( DO I HAVE IT?

NO!

OKAY.

LET'S SEE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE?

>> OH... I THINK WE SEE EVERYONE WE LOVE, AND WE THEN GO BACK AND

INFLUENCE THE LIVES OF EVERYONE WE'VE LEFT BEHIND.

>> Stephen: I LIKE THAT.

FAVORITE ACTION MOVIE.

>> YOU'VE STUMPED ME.

>> Stephen: THE CORRECT ANSWER IS "THE RIVER WILD."

( LAUGHS ) OKAY, DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE

SMELL?

>> APPLE PIE.

>> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A LEAST-FAVORITE SMELL?

>> HE'S SITTING RIGHT THERE.

I CAN TURN IT RIGHT THERE.

HE PRODUCES THAT SMELL.

BUT HE ISN'T DOING IT NOW, SO...

>> Stephen: EXERCISE, IS IT WORTH IT?

>> YES, IT IS.

>> Stephen: OKAY.

FLAT OR SPARKLING?

FLAT OR SPARKLING.

>> SPARKLING.

>> Stephen: MOST-USED APP ON YOUR PHONE.

>> OH, THE PODCAST.

>> Stephen: SURE ONE MORE TIME WITH THE GESTURE, PLEASE.

AT CBS WE HAVE TO BLUR THAT, I THINK.

WHAT PODCAST ARE YOU LISTENING TO, AND SEND ME SOME LINKS.

( LAUGHTER ) OKAY, YOU GET ONE SONG TO LISTEN

TO FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

WHAT IS IT?

>> OH HAJERO, JONI MITCHELL.

>> Stephen: WHAT NUMBER AM I THINKING OF?

>> THREE.

>> Stephen: DESCRIBE THE REST OF YOUR LIFE IN FIVE WORDS.

>> VERY, VERY, VERY, VERY LONG.

>> Stephen: MERYL STREEP, EVERYBODY.

NOW YOU KNOW HER.

THANKS AGAIN, MERYL.

WHEN WE COME BACK, GEORGE CLOONEY REMINDS YOU WHICH FRUIT

IS A GREAT SOURCE OF BONGS.

♪ ♪