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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,

    ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> スティーブンヘイ、みんな。

  • WELCOME BACK!

    WELCOME BACK!

  • LET'S SAY HELLO TO OUR FRIEND MR. JON BATISTE.

    私たちの友人であるMR.JON BATISTE

  • HELLO, JON.

    こんにちは、ジョン

  • >> Jon: YOU GOTTA HAVE A VISION, A VISION, A REVELATION.

    >> ジョン: You GOTTA HAVE A VISION, A VISION, A REVELATION.

  • >> Stephen: I'M HAVING A VISION, A REVELATION FOR MONDAY.

    >> スティーブン:私は月曜日のビジョン、啓示を持っています。

  • DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TO DO MONDAY, JON?

    DO YOU KNOW WHAT I GET TO DO MONDAY, JON?

  • >> OH, MY GOODNESS, I HEARD.

    >> 聴いたよ。

  • >> Stephen: I'M GOING DOWN TO WASHINGTON, D.C., TO INTERVIEW

    >> スティーブンワシントンDCに行って取材してきます

  • THIS MAN-- MR. BARACK OBAMA-- ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK "A PROMISE

    THIS MAN-- MR. BARACK OBAMA-- ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK "A PROMISE

  • LAND."

    "ランド"

  • I GOT SO MANY DECISIONS O MAKE.

    I GOT SO MANY S O MAKE O DECISIONS O MAKE.

  • OBVIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU ASK HIM?

    OBVIOUSLY, WHAT DO YOU ASK HIM?

  • THAT'S A BIGGIE.

    それはビッグサイズだ

  • BUT WHAT DO I WEAR?

    でも何を着ていけばいいの?

  • DO I WEAR A SUIT?

    スーツを着ればいいの?

  • HE'S THE FORMER PRESIDENT.

    彼は元大統領だ

  • DO I WEAR A SUIT?

    スーツを着ればいいの?

  • EVY SAYS I WEAR A SUIT.

    EVY SAYS I WEAR A SUIT.

  • >> NO TIE.

    >>NO TIEです。

  • >> Stephen: SUIT, NO TIE MARX SAYS.

    >> スティーブン:スーツ、ノーネクタイマークスは言う。

  • WHAT DO YOU SAY.

    WHAT DO YOU SAY.

  • >> Jon: I SAY SUIT, NO TIE, UNBUTTON THE TOP BUTTON.

    >> ジョンスーツ、ノーネクタイ、トップボタンを外す。

  • CASUAL BUT FORMAL.

    カジュアルだけどフォーマル。

  • >> Stephen: HOW ABOUT NO SHIRT, GO HARRY STYLES.

    >> スティーブンHOW ABOUT NO SHIRT, GO HARRY STYLES.

  • >> Jon: THAT WOULD BE A GOOD THING TO DO.

    >> ジョンそれはいいことだと思うよ

  • >> Stephen: ANYWAY, VERY EXCITED.

    >> スティーブン:とにかく、とても興奮しています。

  • WOULD LOVE TO KNOW ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT ME TO ASK HIM.

    WOULD LOVE TO KNOW ANY QUESTIONS YOU WANT ME TO ASK HIM.

  • PLEASE, HIT ME, UP, OKAY.

    お願いだから 殴ってくれ

  • >> Jon: ASK HIM ABOUT THAT JUMPER FROM THE CORNER?

    >> ジョン角のジャンプ台のことを聞いてみる?

  • YOU SEE HIM SINK THAT 3?

    彼が沈むのを見たか?

  • >> Stephen: I WILL, I WILL.

    >> スティーブン: I WILL, I WILL.

  • >> Jon: HOW MANY TAKES.

    >> ジョン: How MAN TAKES.

  • >> Stephen: I THINK THAT'S WHY BIDEN WON.

    >> スティーブンそれがビデンが勝った理由だと思います。

  • I THINK THAT WAS IT.

    私はそれだと思います。

  • >> Jon: OH, SHOT HEARD AROUND THE WORLD.

    >> ジョンああ、銃声が世界中で聞こえた。

  • >> Stephen: IT WAS MAGIC.

    >> スティーブンそれは魔法のようだ

  • DO YOU HAVE ANY MUSIC TO SET THE SCENE FOR REST OF THE SHOW, SIR?

    ショーの最後を飾る音楽はありますか?

  • >> Jon: LET'S SEE...

    >>ジョン。見てみよう...

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: JON BATISTE,

    ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> スティーブンJON BATISTE

  • LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

    紳士淑女の皆さん。

  • THANK YOU, JON.

    THANK YOU, JON.

  • >> Jon: YES, INDEED.

    >> ジョンはい、そうです。

  • LAY IT ON.

    寝かせて

  • >> FOLKS, YOU KNOW, I SPEND A LOT OF TIME TRACKING THE

    >> 皆さん、ご存知の通り、私は多くの時間を費やして追跡しています。

  • TEMPERATURE AND FLOWERING PATTERNS OF THE MAPLE TREE OF

    カエデの木の温度と開花パターン

  • TOPICAL STORIES SO THAT I CAN KNOW THE EXACT PEAK MOMENT TO

    ピーク・モーメントを知るためのトピック・ストーリー

  • TAP IT WITH MY SPILE.

    私のスパイルで叩いて

  • I CAREFULLY OBSERVE THE FLOW OF STORY SAP INTO THE BUCKET AND

    I CAREFULLY OBSERVE THE FLOW OF STORY SAP INTO THE BUCKET AND

  • THEN TRANSFER THE INITIAL RUN TO ANOTHER STORAGE UNIT USING

    を使用して、最初のランを別のストレージユニットに転送します。

  • CHEESECLOTH TO FILTER OUT ANY FOREIGN MATERIAL.

    任意の外国の材料をフィルタリングするためのチーズクロス。

  • I THEN DIG A SMALL OUTDOOR FIRE PIT AND BOIL THE STORIES UNTIL

    I THEN DIG A SMALL OUTDOOR FIRE PIT AND BOIL THE STORIES UNTIL

  • THEY ARE GOLDEN IN COLOR, BRING THEM INSIDE FOR A SECOND BOIL,

    色は金色で、中に入れて2回目の沸騰のために。

  • WHICH I CAREFULLY MONITOR UNTIL IT REACHES 7 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT

    それが7度に達するまで注意深くモニターしています。

  • PAST THE BOILING POINT OF WATER AT MY CURRENT ELEVATION.

    現在の標高で水の沸点を超えている

  • THEN, THEN I REMOVE ANY SEDIMENT, FILTER IT ONE LAST

    次に、私は、任意の沈殿物を削除し、それを最後にフィルタリングします。

  • TIME, AND TRANSFER IT TO BLOWN GLASS BOTTLES TO CREATE THE

    時間をかけて、それを吹きガラスのボトルに転送して、次のようなものを作ります。

  • GRADE-A MAPLE NEWS SYRUP THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE.

    GRADE-A MAPLE NEWS SYRUP THAT IS MY MONOLOGUE

  • BUT SOMETIMES, SOMETIMES I LIKE TO JUST HEAD OUTSIDE WITH A FORK

    でも時々は、フォークを持って外に出たい時もあります。

  • AND SCRAPE SOME OF THE CRUSTED SAP OFF THE NEAREST PINE, MIX IT

    一番近くの松の皮をむいて 混ぜるんだ

  • WITH THE SODA AND BACKWASH LEFT IN A DENTED CAN OF FANTA ON THE

    ソーダと洗顔料がへこんだファンタの缶に入ったままで

  • COUNTER, THEN DRIZZLE IT ON YESTERDAY'S PANCAKES TO CREATE

    COUNTER, THEN DRIZZLE IT ON YESTERDAY'S PANCAKES TO CREATE

  • THE DRIFTER'S BREAKFAST TOPPING OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

    THE DRIFTER'S BREAKFAST TOPPING OF NEWS THAT IS MY SEGMENT:

  • "QUARANTINE-WHILE!" QUARANTINE-WHILE, AN ART

    "クァランタイン・ワイエル!"クオランタイン・ホワイエ、アート

  • RESTORATION IN PALENCIA, SPAIN, HAS GONE TERRIBLY AWRY.

    スペインのパレンシアでの修復は、ひどくあわただしい状態になっています。

  • SEE THE LADY SMILING AT HER ANIMALS AND HARVEST FRUIT?

    動物と果物を収穫した女性が微笑んでいるのが見えますか?

  • WELL, AFTER THE RESTORATION, SHE NOW LOOKS LIKE THIS:

    WELL, AFTER THE RESTORATION, SHE NOW LOOKS LIKE THIS:

  • WHAT'S SPANISH FOR "FRYING PAN FACE?"

    "パンの顔を焦がす "は何て言うの?

  • IT'S LIKE SOMEONE SLAPPED A BUTTER SCULPTURE ON A HOT DAY.

    暑い日に誰かがバターの絵を 叩いたようなものだ

  • THIS SEEMS TO BE A REAL PROBLEM IN SPAIN.

    これはスペインでは本当に問題になっているようです。

  • WE ALL REMEMBER THAT COUNTRY'S OTHER FAMOUSLY BOTCHED

    WE ALL REMEMBER THAT COUNTRY'S OTHER FAMOUSLY BOTCHED

  • RESTORATION JOB: POTATO JESUS.

    RESTORATION JOB: POTATO JESUS.

  • WHAT EXACTLY IS THE VETTING PROCESS FOR ART RESTORERS IN

    WHAT EXACTLY IS THE VETTING PROCESS FOR ART RESTORERS IN

  • SPAIN?

    スペイン?

  • "SORRY, ESTABAN, I'M AFRAID IT APPEARS YOU HAVE A MASTERS IN

    "SORRY, ESTABAN, I'M AFRAID IT APPEARS YOU HAVE A MASTERS IN

  • FINE ART, BOTH YOUR HANDS AND EYES, AND YOU'VE SEEN THE

    美術品を手と目で見たことがあるだろう

  • ORIGINAL PIECE.

    ORIGINAL PIECE.

  • THAT KIND OF THING MIGHT FLY IN FRANCE, BUT WE'VE DECIDED TO GO

    フランスではその手のものは 飛び交うかもしれませんが、私たちは行くことにしました

  • WITH AN INSANE MACAQUE HOLDING A PAINTBRUSH IN ITS TAIL."

    "尻尾に絵の具ブラシを持った イカレたマカクエと"

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN BAD NEWS NEWS, MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE

    QUARANTINE-WHILE, IN BAD NEWS NEWS, MULTIPLE PEOPLE HAVE

  • TESTED POSITIVE FOR COVID-19 ON A CRUISE SHIP IN THE CARIBBEAN.

    カリブ海のクルーズ船でCOVID-19に陽性反応を示しました。

  • THAT HEADLINE AGAIN: "THING EVERYONE KNEW WOULD HAPPEN,

    HEADLINE AGAIN: "THING EVERYONE KNEWEDOULD HAPPEN.

  • HAPPENS."

    HAPPENS."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, VIDEO HAS GONE

    ( LAUGHTER ) QUARANTINE-WHILE, VIDEO HAS GONE.

  • VIRAL OF A HELICOPTER CARRYING A HEART FOR A TRANSPLANT PATIENT

    トランスプラント患者のために心臓を運ぶヘリコプタのバイラル

  • THAT CRASHED ON THE ROOF OF AN L.A. HOSPITAL.

    ロスの病院の屋根に墜落したんだ

  • NO ONE WAS SERIOUSLY HURT, AND THE HEART WAS RECOVERED FROM THE

    誰も重傷を負っておらず、心臓も回復していました。

  • WRECKAGE AND HANDED OFF TO THIS DOCTOR, OKAY, WHO TREATED IT

    損傷して この医者に渡してくれたんだ

  • WITH THE CARE AND CAUTION IT DESERVES-- THERE'S THE HANDOFF.

    WITH THE CARE AND CAUTION IT DESERVES-- THERE'S THE HANDOFF.

  • HE TRIPPED LIKE A CARTOON WAITER, SPILLING THE HEART ON

    ♪まるで漫画の待ち人のように 飛び跳ねてハートをこぼした♪

  • THE HELIPAD.

    THE HELIPAD.

  • CALM DOWN!

    落ち着いて!

  • CALM DOWN!

    落ち着いて!

  • EVERYONE'S FINE.

    誰でも大丈夫だ

  • GOOD NEWS: THE TRANSPLANT WAS A SUCCESS--

    GOOD NEWS: THE TRANSPLANT WAS A SUCCESS--

  • >> IT WAS DIRTY.

    >> 汚かったんだよ。

  • >> Stephen: BUT IT WOULD BE FUN TO BE THAT PATIENT.

    >> スティーブンでも、その患者になるのは楽しいわ。

  • YOU'RE GETTING AHEAD OF MY PUNCH LINE.

    私のパンチラインの先を行っている。

  • ( AS DOCTOR ) "YOUR PROCEDURE WENT GREAT,

    ( 医師として ) "あなたの手順は素晴らしいものでした。

  • THANKS TO YOUR CARDIOLOGIST, LARRY, AND HIS ATTENDINGS, MOE,

    あなたの心臓病専門医、ラリーと彼の出席者、MOEに感謝します。

  • AND CURLY.

    とカーリー。

  • YOU MAY HAVE SOME DISCOMFORT IN YOUR CHEST, BUT THAT'S JUST THE

    YOU MAY HAVE SOME DISCOMFORT IN YOUR CHEST, BUT THAT'S JUST THE

  • WET LEAVES AND HELICOPTER FUEL."

    "濡れた葉っぱとヘリコプタ燃料"

  • CAN'T ACTUALLY TALK.

    話すことができない

  • YOU SAID ESSENTIALLY THE PUNCH LINE.

    YOU SAID ESSENTIALLY THE PUNCH LINE.

  • MAYBE YOU SHOULD WRITE IT.

    MAYBE YOU SHOULD WRITE IT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE.

    ( LAUGHTER ) 来てくれてありがとう。

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE NEWS OF

    QUARANTINE-WHILE, WE WERE ALL EXCITED ABOUT THE NEWS OF

  • MODERNA'S NEW VACCINE.

    MODERNAの新しいVACCINE。

  • AND IT TURNS OUT "DOLLY PARTON PARTLY FUNDED MODERNA'S COVID

    そして「DOLLY PARTON PARTLY FUNDED MODERN'S COVID」と判明。

  • VACCINE RESEARCH."

    VACCINE RESEARCH"

  • WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE VACCINE ( TO TUNE OF "9 TO 5" )

    WHICH EXPLAINS WHY THE VACCINE ( TO TUNE OF "9 TO 5" )

  • WORKING 95 PERCENT OF THE TIME.

    "95%の確率で仕事をしている

  • JOKE IS BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

    ジョークは実話に基づいています。

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, THE TWITTER WORLD IS A-TWATTING OVER THE

    QUARANTINE-WHILE、ツイッターの世界は、オーバーにトワッティングしています。

  • NEWS THAT "TWITTER JUST INTRODUCED 'FLEETS,' 'FLEETING

    NEWS THAT "TWITTER JUST INTRODUCED 'FLEETS,' 'FLEETING

  • TWEETS' THAT DISAPPEAR FOREVER AFTER 24 HOURS," THE PERFECT

    TWEETS' THAT DISAPPEAR FOREVER AFTER 24 HOURS," THE PERFECT

  • OPTION FOR USERS WHO FEEL REMORSE ABOUT SOMETHING THEY

    自分のしたことに後悔している人のためのオプション

  • POSTED."

    POSTED.

  • JUST WHAT TWITTER NEEDS: PEOPLE SAYING THINGS TOO AWFUL TO

    JUST WHAT TWITTER NEEDS: PEOPLE SAYING THINGS TOO AWFUL TO

  • REMAIN ON TWITTER.

    REMAIN ON TWITTER.

  • NOW, IF YOU'RE NOT ENTHUSED ABOUT THE IDEA OF FLEETS, DON'T

    艦隊の概念に興味がないならやめてくれ

  • WORRY, BECAUSE TWITTER SAYS ITS MAIN "GLOBAL TOWN SQUARE"

    WORRY, BECAUSE TWITTER SAYS ITS MAIN "GLOBAL TOWN SQUARE"

  • SERVICE REMAINS ITS MARQUEE PRODUCT.

    SERVICE REMAINS ITS MARQUEE PRODUCT.

  • REALLY?

    本当に?

  • I GOT TO SAY, TWITTER MAKES FOR A PRETTY CRAPPY TOWN SQUARE.

    I GOT TO SAY, TWITTER MAKES FOR A PRETTY CRAPPY TOWN SQUARE.

  • "HEAR YE!

    "HEAR YE!

  • HEAR YE!

    聞くんだ!

  • ( BELL RINGING ) TOASTER STRUDELS ARE BETTER THAN

    ( BELL RINGING ) TOASTER STRUDELS ARE BETTER THAN

  • POP TARTS.

    POP TARTSです。

  • AND ANYONE WHO DISAGREES IS A LIBERAL CUCK.

    否定する者は誰でも リベラルなクソ野郎だ

  • AND NOW, ENJOY A PICTURE OF MY BUTT."

    AND NOW, ENJOY A PICTURE OF MY BUTT."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THAT IS DAMN LOUD.

    ( LAUGHTER ) それはうるさい。

  • YOU CAN TALK ANY TIME YOU WANT DURING THIS.

    この間、いつでも好きな時に話すことができます。

  • I APOLOGIZE.

    と謝罪。

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, CBS NEW YORK JUST BROKE THIS STORY RIGHT HERE

    QUARANTINE-WHILE, CBS NEW YORK JUST BROKE THIS STORY RIGHT HERE

  • IN THE BIG APPLE.

    IN THE BIG APPLE.

  • >> ANOTHER ILLEGAL GATHERING IS BUSTED IN NEW YORK CITY.

    >> ニューヨーク市で別の違法な集会が逮捕された。

  • THIS TIME, INVESTIGATORS SAY A SO-CALLED FIGHT CLUB WAS

    "このチームは" "諜報員が言うには" "いわゆる" "ファイトクラブだったと

  • OPERATING INSIDE OF A CROWDED BRONX WAREHOUSE.

    密集したブロンクスの倉庫の中での運営。

  • >> Stephen: WELL, IT MAKES SENSE THAT THIS GOT OUT.

    >> スティーブンまあ、それはこれがアウトになったことを意味しています。

  • IT'S JUST LIKE TYLER DURDEN SAYS:

    タイラー・ダーデンの言う通りだ

  • >> THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS:

    >> THE FIRST RULE OF FIGHT CLUB IS:

  • TELL CBS NEWS ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!

    TELL CBS NEWS ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: BUT THE FIGHTING

    ( LAUGHTER ) >> スティーブン。しかし、戦いは

  • ISN'T EVEN WHAT WILL SHOCK YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON AT

    ISN'T EVEN WHAT WILL SHOCK YOU MOST ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON AT

  • FIGHT CLUB.

    FIGHT CLUB.

  • >> INVESTIGATORS SAY THEY FOUND TWO HANDGUNS, DRUGS, AND

    >> 調査員は2丁の拳銃と麻薬を発見したと言っています

  • UNLICENSED ALCOHOL.

    無許可のアルコール。

  • THEY ALSO SAY VERY FEW PEOPLE WERE WEARING MASKS.

    また、ほとんどの人がマスクをつけていないとも言っています。

  • >> Stephen: PLEASE, EVERYONE.

    >> スティーブン皆さん、お願いします。

  • THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, WEAR A MASK WHILE YOU SMASH YOUR FELLOW

    THIS HOLIDAY SEASON, WEAR A MASK WHILE YOU SMASH YOUR FELLOW

  • MAN'S FACE INTO A PULPY MUSH.

    MAN'S FACE INTO A PULPY MUSH.

  • IT'S JUST COURTESY.

    IT'S JUST COURTESY.

  • ALSO, NO BRINGING NANA TO FIGHT CLUB.

    あと、ナナはファイトクラブには連れてこないでください。

  • SHE'S IN A VULNERABLE GROUP.

    彼女は脆弱なグループの中にいます。

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE, I'D LIKE TO MOVE ON TO MY ULTRA-RARE

  • QUARANTINE-WHILE SUBSEGMENT: "NAUGHTY POPE NEWS."

    QUARANTINE-WHILE SUBSEGMENT: "NAUGHTY POPE NEWS."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) TODAY'S NAUGHTY POPE NEWS: IT

    ( LAUGHTER ) TODAY'S NAUGHTY POPE NEWS.イット

  • APPEARS THE POPE JUST LIKED THIS PHOTO ON INSTAGRAM.

    教皇はインスタグラムでこの写真を気に入ったようです。

  • NOW, PEOPLE HAVE POINTED OUT THAT THE POPE DOES NOT

    今、人々は教皇がしないことを指摘しています。

  • NECESSARILY CONTROL HIS OWN INSTAGRAM FEED, BUT FRANCIS

    必要に応じて彼自身のインスタグラムのフィードを制御するが、フランシス

  • STILL OFFERED THIS COMPELLING EXPLANATION:

    STILL OFFERED THIS COMPELLING EXPLANATION:

  • >> (translated): MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS,

    >> >> (翻訳)MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS.

  • REGARDING MY RECENT INSTAGRAM INCIDENT, I WANT TO ASSURE YOU

    私のインスタグラム事件に関して、あなたを保証したい

  • THAT I LIKE BIG BUTTS, AND I CANNOT LIE.

    巨乳が好きで、嘘がつけない。

  • YOU OTHER BROTHERS-- BY WHICH I MEAN MONKS-- CAN'T DENY, WHEN A

    他の兄弟は...つまり修道士は...否定はできないが

  • GIRL WALKS IN WITH AN ITTY-BITTY WAIST AND A ROUND THING IN YOUR

    女の子が入ってきた時には、ウエストがちっちゃくて、丸いものが入っていました。

  • FACE, YOU MUST EXAMINE YOUR CONSCIENCE.

    フェース、あなたは自分の良心を調べなければならない。

  • >> Stephen: WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A LOOK AT THE VICE

    >> スティーブン: WE'LL BEIGHT BACK WITH A LOOK AT THE VICE.

  • PRESIDENT-ELECT'S FASHION.

    PRESIDENT-ELECT'S FASHION.

  • SORT OF.

    まあね

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: HEY, EVERYBODY,

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ >> スティーブンヘイ、みんな。

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