OF COURSE, PRESIDENT TRUMP LEFT THE HOSPITAL EARLY LAST NIGHT.

もちろん トランプ大統領は昨夜早く病院を出ました

AND HE DID NOT MISS THE OPPORTUNITY TO MAKE HIMSELF LOOK

彼は自分を見せる機会を逃しませんでした

LIKE A HERO, BECAUSE A SHORT TIME LATER HE TWEETED OUT THIS

"LIKE A HERO, BECAUSE A SHORT TIME LATER TOWEETED THIS

DRAMATIC, MOVIE-LIKE VIDEO OF HIS RETURN.

DRAMATIC, MOVIE-LIKE VIDEO OF HIS RETURN.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

>> James: THAT'S A LOT OF WORK JUST TO

>> ジェームズそれは大変な作業だ

ANNOUNCE THAT CORONAVIRUS IS OFFICIALLY IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

ANNOUNCE THAT CORONAVIRUS IS OFFICIALLY IN THE WHITE HOUSE.

( LAUGHTER ) YOU HAVE TO HAND IT TO THAT

( LAUGHTER ) YOU HAVE TO HAND IT TO THAT

PRODUCTION TEAM.

プロダクションチーム。

HE'S A 74-YEAR-OLD SENIOR CITIZEN RETURNING FROM THE

HE'S A 74-YEAR-OLD SENIOR CITIZEN RETURNING FROM THE

HOSPITAL TO RECEIVE AT-HOME CARE.

在宅医療を受けるための病院。

AND THEY MADE IT LOOK LIKE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER IS

そしてアーノルド・シュワルツェネッガーがいるように見せかけた

DROPPING INTO CENTRAL AMERICA TO FIGHT THE PREDATOR.

DROPPING INTO CENTRAL AMERICA TO FIGHT THE PREDATOR.

( LAUGHTER ) THAT WASN'T THE ONLY VERSION,

( LAUGHTER ) それは唯一のバージョンではありませんでした。

THOUGH.

THOUGH.

WE ACTUALLY GOT OUR HANDS ON THE VERSION WITH A VOICEOVER AND

実際にヴォイスオーバーとバージョンを手にしました。

IT'S EVEN BETTER.

さらに良くなった

TAKE A LOOK...

見てください...

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

>> IN A WORLD WHERE A BILLIONAIRE WHO DOESN'T PAY

>> 払わない億万長者がいる世界では

TAXES CAN GET WORLD CLASS HEALTHCARE WHILE THOUSANDS OF

税金は、数千人の間、世界クラスの医療を得ることができます。

AMERICANS ARE SICK AND DYING, ONE MAN ENJOYS FREE HELICOPTER

AMERICANS ARE SICK AND DYING, ONE MAN ENJOYS FREE HELICOPTER

RIDES WITH A MILITARY ESCORT AND WADDLING ACROSS THE WHITE HOUSE

軍隊の護送車に乗って、白人の家の上を歩く。

LAWN DOING A VERY SILLY LITTLE WAVE.

LAWNはとても不機嫌なリトルウェーブをしています。

AND WHATEVER THAT IS -- SO THAT HE CAN STAND ON A BALCONY LIKE A

それが何であれ... バルコニーの上に立つように

LOW RENT DAVIDA AND SALUTE THE SERVICE MEMBERS HE CALLED

家賃を下げてサービスマンを称賛する

LOSERS.

LOSERS。

DONALD TRUMP, ONLY IN THEORIES UNTIL NOVEMBER 3rd

ドナルド・トランプ、11月3日までは仮説の中にとどまる

( APPLAUSE ) >> James: I WOULD WATCH IT.

ジェームズ見てみたい

I WOULD.

そうしたい

WHO WOULD PLAY CORONAVIRUS IN THAT MOVIE?

あの映画でコロナウィルスを演じるのは誰だ？

WHO WOULD IT BE?

WHO WOULD IT BE?

>> I'D LIKE TO SEE WILLIAM DEFO.

>> ウィリアム・デフォーに会いたい

>> James: THAT'S A GOOD SHOUT, WILLIAM DEFO, STEVE BUSCEMI.

>> ジェームスいいね、WILLIAM DEFO、STEVE BUSCEMI.

>> CHRIS DEFAULTS.

>> CHRIS DEFAULTS.

>> James: IT COULD BE ANIMATED BECAUSE YOU KNOW THE BALL THEY

>> ジェームスあなたがボールを知っているからアニメーションになるかもしれません。

SHOW THE CORONAVIRUS WITH THE LITTLE RED SPIKES, THEY COULD

SHOW THE CORONAVIRUS WITH THE LITTLE RED SPIKES, THEY COULD

EACH BE A RED ANIMATED SPIKE.

EACH BE A RED ANIMATED SPIKE。

( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: YES, YES.

(笑) >> レジー：はい、はい。

>> James: ONE OF THEM'S A BIT CRAZY, AND ONE OF THEM PLAYS BY

>> ジェームス彼らのうちの1人は少し狂っていて 1人は演奏している

THE RULES, THE OTHER ONE'S JUST A MAVERICK.

ルールともう一人はただのマヴェリックだ

>> LUIS GUZMAN'S ON THE OTHER SIDE GOING, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS

>> LUIS GUZMAN'S ON THE OTHER SIDE GOING, WHAT ARE YOU GUYS

TALKING ABOUT OVER THERE?

あそこのことを話しているのか？

SHUT UP!

黙れ！

WE'VE GOT TO GET MIKE PENCE BEFORE THIS IS OVER!

WE'VE GOT TO GET MIKE PENCE BEFORE THIS IS OVER!

( LAUGHTER ) >> James: THEN TRUMP POSTED AN

( LAUGHTER ) >> James.それから トランプが投稿した

ODD VIDEO WHERE HE RAMBLED ABOUT HIS

彼が自分のことについて暴言を吐く変なビデオ

LEADERSHIP AND CLAIMED THAT HE MAY ALREADY BE IMMUNE TO THE

リーダーシップと主張した 彼はすでに感染している可能性があります

VIRUS.

バイラス

>> AS YOUR LEADER, I HAD TO DO THAT.

>> あなたのリーダーとして、私はそうしなければならなかった。

I KNEW THERE WAS DANGER TO IT, BUT I HAD TO DO IT.

危険だと分かっていたが やるしかなかった

I STOOD OUT FRONT, I LED.

THE STAND OUT FRONT、THE LEDS。

NOBODY THAT'S APP LEADER WOULD NOT DO WHAT I DID.

アプリリーダーは誰も私がしたことをしないだろう。

AND I KNOW THERE'S A RISK, THERE'S A DANGER, BUT THAT'S

危険があるのは分かっているが、それだけじゃない。

OKAY, AND NOW I'M BETTER AND MAYBE I'M IMMUNE.

よし、今は良くなったし、免疫があるかもしれない。

I DON'T KNOW.

私は知らない

>> James: NOBODY THAT'S A LEADER WOULD NOT DO WHAT I DID."

>> ジェームス"リーダーは誰も私がしたことをしない"

NOBODY WHO SPEAKS ENGLISH AS A FIRST LANGUAGE WOULD NOT SAY IT

第一言語としての英語を話す人は誰もがそれを言わないだろう

HOW YOU JUST NOT SAID IT.

何て言ってくれたんだ

( LAUGHTER ) WHAT IS GOING ON WITH TRUMP'S

( LAUGHTER ) WHAT IS GOING ON ON WITH TRUMP'S.

HANDS?

手は？

HE LOOKS LIKE HE'S AT SUBWAY AND CAN'T DECIDE BETWEEN A SIX INCH

彼はまるでサブウェイにいるみたいで 6インチとの間の選択ができない

AND A FOOT-LONG.

そして足が長い。

UH, I DON'T KNOW -- I GOT DINNER PLANS, BUT I'M KIND OF HUNGRY.

夕飯の計画はあるんだけど、ちょっとお腹が空いてるんだよね。

( LAUGHTER ) BUT NOW TRUMP'S WONDERING IF

( LAUGHTER ) BUT NOW TRUMP'S WONDERING IF

HE'S IMMUNE.

He's IMMUNE.

YEAH, HE'S IMMUNE, ALRIGHT.

そう、彼は免疫があるんだ

IMMUNE TO FACTS.

事実に免疫がある

( APPLAUSE ) >> YEAH!

( APPLAUSE ) >> YEAH!

( CHEERING ) >> James: THAT'S THE ONE.

( CHEERING ) >> ジェームズ.これだよ

THAT'S THE ONE THAT'LL GET HIM.

THAT'S THE ONE THAT'LL GET HIM.

THAT WILL TAKE HIM DOWN.

それは彼を倒すことができます。

THAT WILL TAKE HIM DOWN.

それは彼を倒すことができます。

I SWEAR, IF THAT WAS AN AUDIENCE HERE, THAT WOULD HAVE GOTTEN A

誓うよ、もしこれがここの聴衆だったら、それが観客になっていたはずだ。

STANDING OVATION.

スタンディング・オベーション

CAN WE GET THAT ON A T-SHIRT?

Ｔシャツにも着れる？

THAT WOULD BE A GOOD DEAL OF MERCH, THAT.

それは良い商売になるだろうな

>> IF THERE WAS AN AUDIENCE HERE, THAT WOULD BE A STANDING

>> もしここにオーディエンスがいたとしたら、それは立ち止まっていることになるだろう。

OVATION.

OVATION.

>> James: NO.

>>ジェームスいいえ。

( LAUGHTER ) >> Reggie: OH, MAN.

(笑) >> Reggie: OH, MAN.

>> James: HE'S IMMUNE, ALL RIGHT -- IMMUNE TO FACTS.

>> ジェームズ: 彼は免疫があり、すべての権利を持っています -- 事実に免疫がある

( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

( AUDIENCE REACTS ) ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )

>> Reggie: GOOD TIMING.

>> レジー：GOOD TIMING.

>> James: THE REALIZE JUST SET IN.

>> ジェームズREALIZE JUST SET IN.

( LAUGHTER ) MEAN WHILE THE CORONAVIRUS

( LAUGHTER ) MEAN WHILE THE CORONAVIRUS

BREAKOUT IN THE WHITE HOUSE LED TO A RATHER UNUSUAL SIGHT.

BREAKOUT IN THE WHITE HOUSE LED TO A RATHER UNUSUAL SIGHT.

THIS IS A CLEANING TEAM IN HAZMAT SUITS SANITIZING THE

これは、危険物スーツを着た清掃チームが衛生管理をしているところです。

WHITE HOUSE.

ホワイトハウス

I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A JOKE WE WERE MAKING WHEN TRUMP FIRST GOT

I FEEL LIKE THIS IS A JOKE WE WERE MAKING WHEN TRUMP FIRST GOT

ELECTED.

選出されました。

LIKE, "EW, DONALD TRUMP?

"EW, DONALD TRUMP?

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SANITIZE THE WHITE HOUSE NOW!"

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO SANITIZE THE WHITE HOUSE NOW!"

AND NOW, BECAUSE OF TRUMP, THEY LITERALLY HAVE TO SANITIZE THE

トランプのせいで、文字通り、 潔白化しなければなりません。

WHITE HOUSE.

ホワイトハウス

( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT JUST A SAFETY

( LAUGHTER ) IT'S NOT JUST A SAFETY

PRECAUTION, IT'S ALSO HOW TRUMP IS NOW GETTING HIS SPRAY TANS.

PRECAUTION, IT'S ALSO HOW TRUMP IS NOW GETTING HIS SPRAY TANS.

( LAUGHTER ) DESPITE EVERYTHING, THE

( LAUGHTER ) 全てにもかかわらず

PRESIDENT CONTINUES UNDAUNTED.

PRESIDENT CONTINUES UNDAUNTED.

THIS MORNING HE TWEETED, ALL CAPS, "FEELING GREAT!

この朝 彼はツイッターをした すべての大文字で "FEELING GREAT!

".

".

AT LEAST SOMEONE IS.

少なくとも誰かがいる

ALSO THANKS FOR THE UPDATE ON YOUR WIFE'S HEALTH,

奥さんの健康についての最新情報もありがとうございます。

MR. PRESIDENT.

MR.大統領

( LAUGHTER ) GLAD YOU HAVEN'T MADE THIS WHOLE

( LAUGHTER ) GLAD YOU HAVEN'T MADE THIS WHOLE

THING ALL ABOUT YOU.

THING ALL ABOUT YOU.

FEELING GREAT, THAT'S NOT SOMETHING YOU SAY WHEN YOU'RE

最高の気分の時に言うことではない

ACTUALLY FEELING GREAT.

実際に素晴らしいと感じています。

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU JUST THREW UP IN THE BATHROOM OF

THAT'S WHAT YOU SAY WHEN YOU JUST THREW UP IN THE BATHROOM OF

A BAR BUT YOU WANT TO RALLY AND KEEP GOING.

A BAR BUT YOU WANT TO RALLY AND KEEP GOING.

WE SHOULD GET YOU A CAB.

WE SHOULD GET YOU A CAB.

NO, I'M FEELING GREAT!

最高の気分だよ！

LET'S DO SOME SHOTS.

撮ろうぜ

( LAUGHTER ) BUT NOT EVERYONE IS BUYING INTO

( LAUGHTER ) しかし、誰もがこれを買っているわけではありません。

TRUMP'S OPTIMISTIC TAKE ON THE VIRUS.

TRUMP'S OPTIMISTIC TAKE ON THE VIRUS.

FACEBOOK AND TWITTER TODAY BLOCKED A POST FROM THE

FACEBOOK AND TWITTER TODAY BLOCKED A POST FROM THE

PRESIDENT, WHERE HE FALSELY CLAIMED THAT CORONAVIRUS IS LESS

大統領は コロナウイルスが少ないと 虚偽の主張をしました

DEADLY THAN THE FLU.

FLUよりも致命的です。

GREAT NEWS, EVERYONE.

素晴らしいニュースです、皆さん。

WE CAN 100% TRUST FACEBOOK AGAIN.p( LAUGHTER )

WE CAN 100% TRUST FACEBOOK AGAIN.p( LAUGHTER )

TWITTER PUT A TAG ON TRUMP'S TWEET, WHICH SEEMS IMPRESSIVE

トランプのツイートにツイッターがタグを付けた。

UNTIL YOU REMEMBER THAT TWITTER WILL BAN YOU FOR TELLING THE

UNTIL YOU REMEMBER THAT TWITTER WILL BAN YOU FOR TELLING THE

OFFICIAL CAPTAIN CRUNCH ACCOUNT THAT CRUNCH-BERRIES SUCK.

OFFICIAL CAPTAIN CRUNCH ACCOUNT THAT CRUNCH-BERRIES SUCK.

( LAUGHTER ) NOT GOING TO GO INTO IT, BUT

( LAUGHTER ) 本題には入らないけど

THEY DO.

そうだな

( LAUGHTER ) THEY'VE STOPPED TRUMP FROM LYING

( LAUGHTER ) THEY VE STOPPED TRUMP FROM LYING

ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER.

ON FACEBOOK AND TWITTER.

NOW TRUMP WILL ONLY BE ABLE TO LIE AT RALLIES, PRESS

トランプは集会でしか嘘をつくことができないだろう。

CONFERENCES, INTERVIEWS, DEBATES, FUNDRAISING DINNERS,

コンファレンス、インタビュー、ディベート、募金活動のディナー。

AND WHEN HE TELLS ERIC THAT HE'S PROUD OF HIM.

エリックに彼を誇りに思ってると言った時

( LAUGHTER ) MOVING ON.

( LAUGHTER ) 移動中。

A FORMER EMPLOYEE AT A PUBLIC LIBRARY IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, WAS

テキサス州オースティンの公立図書館の元従業員が

JUST ACCUSED OF STEALING PRINTER TONER FROM

プリンタトナーを盗んだ罪で告発されました

WORK, AND THEN RESELLING IT ONLINE.

仕事をして、それをオンラインで売る。

OVER THE COURSE OF 12 YEARS HE MADE, THIS IS TRUE, $1.3

彼は12年間で1.3ドルを稼ぎました。

MILLION FROM TONER CARTRIDGES.

MILLION FROM TONER CARTRIDGES.

THAT'S, LIKE, SIX TONER CARTRIDGES.

それは、6トンカートリッジのようなものです。

( LAUGHTER ) THEY FIRST BECAME SUSPICIOUS

( LAUGHTER ) THEY FIRST BECAME SUSPICIOUS

WHEN THE LIBRARIAN ROLLED UP TO CHILDREN'S STORY HOUR IN A

WHEN THE LIBRARIAN ROLLED UP TO CHILDREN'S STORY HOUR IN A

BRAND-NEW LAMBORGHINI.

BRAND-NEWのランボルギーニ。

( LAUGHTER ) HE DID THIS FOR 12 YEARS.

( LAUGHTER ) HE DID THIS FOR 12 YEARS.

YOU JUST KNOW HE WANTED TO CONFESS A FEW YEARS AGO, BUT HE

YOU JUST KNOW HE WANTED TO CONFESS A FEW YEARS AGO, BUT HE

WAS LIKE "GUYS, I REALLY NEED TO ADMIT SOMETHI--"

"お前ら、俺は本当に告白する必要があるんだ... "みたいな感じだった

"SHHHH!" "I KNOW, BUT--"

"SHHHH!" "I KNOW, BUT--"

"SHHHH!" "SHHHH!"

"SHHHHHHH！""SHHHHHHHH！"

( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW

( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW

YOU THIS.

君はこれだ

THERE'S A NEW HARRY POTTER CHOCOLATE WAND -- WHAT WAS THAT?

THERE'S A NEW HARRY POTTER CHOCOLATE WAND -- WHAT WAS THAT?

>> THAT WAS TIM.

>> それがTIMだった

HE WAS GIVING US A PREVIEW BEFORE WE GO INTO IT.

彼は私たちがそれに入る前に私たちにプレビューを提供していました。

>> James: THIS IS THE LAST BIT OF THE MONO.

>> ジェームスこれがモノラルの最後の部分だ

THIS IS WHEN YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY FOR THE

THIS IS WHEN YOU DECIDE WHAT YOU'RE GOING TO PLAY FOR THE

BUMPOUT.

バンプアウト。

>> YEAH, BASICALLY, RIGHT.

>> そう、基本的には正しい。

>> James: ANG HANG ON.

>>ジェームス。ANG HANG ON.

IS THAT TRUE?

本当か？

YOU DECIDE WHERE YOU'RE GOING TO BUMP OUT BY TIM IN A MICROPHONE

あなたは、マイクロフォンの中で、どこに行くかを決めます。

GOING -- >> THAT'S A BAD

行くのは... >> それは悪いことだ

CHARACTERIZATION.

CHARACTERIZATION.

>> WE'RE KIND OF LIKE GOLDFISH AND WE FORGET, AND TIM'S LIKE,

>> 私たちは金魚のようなもので、私たちは忘れてしまいます。

PLOP, PLOP, DOO, DOO, DOO, AND WE DO IT.

PLOP, PLOP, DOO, DOO, DOO, AND WE DO IT.

>> James: THAT'S GIVING US SOMETHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO.

>> ジェームス楽しみにしていることがあるんだよ

>> HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT.

>> HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT.

>> James: THEY CAN'T ALL BE WINNERS.

>> ジェームス彼らはすべての勝者になることはできません。

IT'S AN ATTEMPT AT COMEDY.

コメディの試みだよ

( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW

( LAUGHTER ) AND FINALLY, WE WANTED TO SHOW

YOU THIS.

君はこれだ

THERE'S A NEW HARRY POTTER CHOCOLATE WAND FOR SALE AT

THERE'S A NEW HARRY POTTER CHOCOLATE WAND FOR SALE AT

STORES IN ENGLAND, BUT MANY SHOPPERS HAVE NOTICED THAT THE

STORES IN ENGLAND, BUT MANY SHOPPERS HAVE NOTICED THAT THE

WAND RESEMBLES A-- WELL, SEE FOR YOURSELVES...

杖はAを連想させる... そうか、自分の目で確かめてくれ...

>> Reggie: OH, WOW...

>> レジー：うわぁ・・・。

>> James: ERECTO DILDORUIM!

>> ジェームスERECTO DILDORUIM!

( LAUGHTER ) SO FAR IT'S CREATING SOME

( LAUGHTER ) 今のところ、それは何かを生み出している。

CONFUSION.

混乱。

KIDS ALL OVER ENGLAND ARE LIKE "MUM?

KIDS ALL OVER ENGLAND ARE LIKE "MUM?

WHERE'S MY WAND?" "HUH?

"私の杖はどこ？""HUH?

WAND?

WAND?

DID YOU HAVE A WAND?" BUT EXPERTS SAY TO BE CAREFUL

DID YOU HAVE A WAND?" BUT EXPERTS SAY TO BE CAREFUL

WITH THIS THING.

WITH THIS THING.

YOU DON'T WANT TO USE IT WITH SOMEONE YOU DON'T KNOW VERY

よく知らない人と一緒に使用しないでください。

WELL.

まあね。

YOU COULD CONTRACT HOGWARTS.

YOU COULD CONTRACT HOGWARTS.

( RIM SHOT ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH WHOOPI

( RIM SHOT ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH WHOOPI

GOLDBERG!

GOLDBERG!