WE ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN BOARDING

SOUTH NORTHERN AIRLINES FLIGHT 34 TO GRAND RAPIDS.

- OH, OKAY, I'M--EXCUSE ME. BOARDING GROUP ONE.

I'M IN BOARDING GROUP ONE. EXCUSE ME.

I'M IN BOARDING GROUP ONE.

- AND WE WOULD LIKE TO BEGIN PRE-BOARDING

WITH OUR FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS.

FIRST-CLASS PASSENGERS ONLY, PLEASE.

NEXT, OUR BUSINESS-CLASS PASSENGERS MAY NOW BOARD.

OKAY, NOW WE'D LIKE TO WELCOME

OUR REGAL ALLIANCE ELITE MEMBERS.

REGAL ALLIANCE ELITE MEMBERS.

OKAY, NOW ALL PASSENGERS WITH CHILDREN.

- OKAY.

- ANYONE WITH SMALL CHILDREN MAY BOARD NOW.

[child fussing]

- OKAY, WE WOULD LIKE TO CONTINUE BOARDING

WITH UNIFORMED MILITARY PERSONNEL.

- WHAT? WHY CAN'T--

THIS IS-- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR SERVICE.

GOD BLESS YOU.

- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS.

ANY PRIESTS, NUNS, RABBIS, IMAMS.

- WHAT? WHY DO THEY GET SPECIAL TREATMENT?

- AS-SALAAM-ALAIKUM.

- I'VE NEVER--

THAT'S TYPICAL.

- ANY OLD PEOPLE IN WHEELCHAIRS WITH BABIES?

[baby cries]

- DOESN'T SEEM PARTICULARLY--

- ANY OLD, RELIGIOUS PEOPLE WITH MILITARY BABIES?

- WHAT'S A MILITARY--

- THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE.

JASON SCHWARTZMAN.

ANYONE WITH A BLUE SUITCASE, YOU MAY NOW BOARD.

- FINALLY.

- NOPE, NOT YOU, SIR. - NOT ME?

THIS IS A BLUE SUITCASE.

- THAT'S A BLUE COMPUTER BAG.

- SO YOU'RE NOT-- YOU'RE NOT GONNA LET ME ON THEN?

- [sips loudly]

- DAMN IT!

DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT, DAMN IT!

GOD DAMN IT!

- ANYONE WHO DOESN'T SEEM CRANKY.

DRUNK PEOPLE.

WE WILL NOW BE BOARDING ANY DRUNK PEOPLE.

DRUNK PEOPLE.

- [grunts]

ALL RIGHT, IT'S--

NOPE, IT'S MY BAG.

SIR. JUST--

[groans]

[indistinct muttering]

[phone rings] - OOH.

HELLO?

OH, HEY, CHRISTIAN.

YEAH.

TOTALLY.

WELL, YOU HAVE YOUR FAVORITES, AND I HAVE MY FAVORITES.

[laughs] OKAY.

CALL YOU LATER.

CIAO, CIAO.

BOARDING GROUP ONE.

[dramatic music]

[sirens wailing]

[indistinct chatter]

♪ ♪

- AND THE FUSELAGE.

- I FOUND JASON SCHWARTZMAN!

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S EVERYBODY!

LET'S WRAP IT UP, PEOPLE.

- [groans]

BOARDING GROUP ONE OVER HERE!

GOT A BOARDING GROUP ONE. [groans]