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  • -We now return to the White House, where President Trump

  • is speaking to members of the press.

  • -Thank me, thank me. You're --

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • You're very happy to be here. You're very happy to be here.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Welcome back to my terrible, awful, no good,

  • very unfair week in office.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I got to tell you, folks,

  • Donny's not a happy President right now, no.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Impeachment is heating up, the stock market's going down,

  • and worst of all, Nickelback's mad at me.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Not only that, the media has been very mean to me,

  • very mean and very nasty.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Very mean, and very, very nasty.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • They keep saying I'm unhinged, which is completely untrue

  • because everyone knows that I've never been hinged.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I'm like one of those folding accordion doors, folks.

  • You know the ones you find at a cheap massage parlor

  • with the little magnets on the side?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Just like that cheap massage parlor,

  • you don't know what's going on inside,

  • but you know it's not good.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • But anyway, I've learned my lesson this week.

  • Don't ask Ukraine for dirt on Joe Biden.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • That's why today I asked China for dirt on Joe Biden.

  • [ Laughter ] That's true. I did, folks.

  • In fact, I got the intelligence report from China right now.

  • It's right on my desk. Let's see it. Here it is.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Someone gave it to me.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • It says, "Deep trouble lies ahead for you."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "In bed."

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • Must be talking about Joe Biden.

  • Anyway, and in closing, if I'm going down,

  • I'm doing it Khaleesi style.

  • I'm burning this place to the ground.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Oh, and one last thing, coming from New York,

  • I'm Jimmy Fallon!

  • This is "The Tonight Show!"

  • It starts right now! Let's do it! Come on!

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

-We now return to the White House, where President Trump

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トランプ氏、中国からの情報報告書を読むために記者会見を開催 (Trump Holds Press Conference to Read an Intelligence Report from China)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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