字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -Guys, it was an absolutely gorgeous day here in New York City, wasn't it? I mean, not because of the weather, but because President Trump finally went back to Washington. Yes! Go, go, go! We're good. That's right -- after spending three days in the city for the U.N. General Assembly, Trump finally returned to Washington. But it was a little awkward when he got to The Oval Office and saw Mike Pence sitting behind his desk. He's like, "I didn't know you were coming back so soon. I -- Let me get these photos from my family off the desk." Actually, a lot of people are happy that Trump's back in D.C. When Trump walked up to The White House steps, it was so cute. Rudy Giuliani started barking and scratching at the window. It was like, "Come here, boy. Come here, boy. No humping, no humping. A little piddle doesn't matter. Don't worry. Good boy. Look at his face, his embarrassed face." It's been a rough couple days for the president, but to put things in perspective, even e-cigarettes were like, "Trump's having a bad week." But the big news today is the release of the whistle-blower's complaint about Trump's call with Ukraine. It started off by saying, "I am reporting an urgent concern." With a president like Trump, officials must think, "Good God, this could be anything. What did he do now?" Oh, you can go to the next one there. Sorry. Did we cut that joke? Did we cut that joke? I thought we were gonna say, "What'd he do now?" I thought we were gonna say, "He tried to nuke a Señor Frog's." Alright, I guess we cut that joke. [ Cheers and applause ] Yeah, yeah. I like that joke. All right, all right. Yeah, the whistle-blower then said there were approximately a dozen White House officials who listened to the call. Then this guy was like, "Make that a baker's dozen. [ Laughs ] Hello. I hear you." But the biggest takeaway from the complaint was the section that claimed officials had interviewed to lock down all records of the phone call. Basically, Trump is being accused of a cover-up. I don't know. I don't know. Why would anyone think that Trump is the type of guy who would cover something up? I mean, I just -- I don't see it. Personally, I don't see it. But the complaint also said the transcript was loaded into a separate electronic system that is otherwise used to store and handle classified information. When she saw that, Hillary Clinton's Apple Watch was like, "Yo, your heartbeat is off the charts right now." Some sports news. The NBA just told -- Yeah, we can cut this joke. It's not as good as Señor Frog's. That was good. Some business news. Marshalls -- Yeah, I like this one. Some business news. Marshalls just launched its first-ever online store. Yeah, Marshalls. But to make shoppers feel like they're in a real Marshalls, in the pictures online, all the clothes are balled up and thrown on the floor. "Oh, that's nice. And this is on sale? Oh, my God." Yeah, it is completely off the rack. Oh, and I saw that Japan Airlines is now letting passengers know ahead of time if a baby is sitting near them on a flight and giving them a chance to move seats. Meanwhile, on Spirit Airlines, if you are near a baby, you just got a text from them that says, "LOL, sucka!"