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  • -You guys, my guest tonight is John Legend.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • John has won an Oscar, a Tony, an Emmy, a Grammy,

  • and he was named People Magazine's

  • Sexiest Man Alive.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • Even more impressive -- his Uber passenger rating is 6.

  • I mean, wow, that's -- He must give his driver a mint.

  • Hey, I want to wish everyone a happy Friday.

  • If you think you're relieved that this week's over,

  • imagine how the president feels.

  • What a week.

  • We had impeachment hearings. We had a Democratic debate.

  • Ariana Grande endorsed Bernie Sanders.

  • And yet, all anybody will remember

  • is that someone farted on MSNBC.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • It was a brutal week for President Trump.

  • Witness after witness testified against him.

  • I don't want to say it was a disaster,

  • but even Prince Andrew was like, "How you holding up, buddy?"

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • Seriously, though, I'm not saying Trump was in bad shape,

  • but even Don Jr. was like, "You know what?

  • We're gonna do Thanksgiving at Boston Market this year.

  • We're good."

  • This week, while addressing the media,

  • there was a photo going around of Trump's notepad,

  • and a lot of people were commenting on his handwriting.

  • Take a look.

  • Have you seen this? -Yeah.

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • -It's real. Well, today, I read that

  • Donald Trump's handwriting -- and this is real --

  • is actually available as a free font called "Tiny Hand."

  • Here it is, right there. That's the font.

  • That's pretty crazy. But they actually tried out

  • a few other names for the font before landing on Tiny Hand.

  • -Oh. Oh, boy.

  • Here we go.

  • -Tariq, what's up, dawg?

  • -Let me guess.

  • You're gonna make fun of Trump

  • by listing off a bunch of rejected font names, right?

  • -I mean, yeah. That was the plan.

  • -And then, each joke will pop up as, like, a graphic,

  • so everyone can see it, and laugh about it.

  • -Right.

  • -I know exactly how this'll go.

  • So, the top of the screen is gonna say something like,

  • "Rejected Trump Font Names."

  • And then, underneath that, it'll say things like,

  • "Sharpie Pro Quo," and "Bigly Squiggly,"

  • or "Failing New York Times New Roman,"

  • and finally, "Hillary-vetica."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • Is...

  • Is that how this is gonna go?

  • -Yeah, pretty much. You nailed it, Tariq.

  • -Yeah, you shouldn't do that bit.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Alright. I won't. Tariq Trotter, everybody.

  • Thank you for telling me that. I won't do it.

  • I won't do it.

  • I won't do it. I won't do it.

  • Hey, guys, we are one week away from Black Friday.

  • Ooh, wow.

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • It is that yearly tradition of people lining up

  • outside department stores for hours,

  • and then realizing they can buy it all from home

  • on Cyber Monday.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • I read that Amazon wants to ship customers anything

  • in 30 minutes.

  • -Wait. Wait. Jimmy, hold up.

  • You're telling me that you could order something on Amazon,

  • and get it in 30 minutes?

  • -That's the plan.

  • -Can you order anything?

  • -If it's on Amazon, then, sure, I guess.

  • -Hmm. Very cool.

  • Hey, continue with your monologue, man.

  • I'm loving it so far!

  • Laughs galore, baby.

  • Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Anyway, this is interesting.

  • A tree frog in -- I'm sorry.

  • Sorry, who are you?

  • -Oh, I have a package for Kamal Grey.

  • -Yeah.

  • Yes!

  • Yes!

  • My favorite album, right here!

  • It's my favorite!

  • It's my favorite, right here!

  • -Oh, my gosh. -Whoo!

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -James -- James' album.

  • -Can I get an autograph?

  • Can I get your autograph?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Hey, guys, I heard that Victoria's Secret

  • has officially canceled their fashion show -- or as one guys put it --

  • [ As Trump ] "Oh, my God, this week can't get worse."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • "Say it ain't so."

  • [ Cheers and applause ]

  • -[ Normal voice ] I saw that the Property Brothers are starting a magazine.

  • They plan on handling the magazine just like their show --

  • one brother will create the entire thing,

  • the other will do nothing in a suit.

  • [ Light laughter ]

  • And finally, a new study found that teenaged elephants

  • are like human teenagers -- they make a lot of mistakes,

  • they're stubborn, and they take risks.

  • In response, teen elephants sucked on a vape and said,

  • "You don't know me."

-You guys, my guest tonight is John Legend.

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ドナルド・トランプのタイニーハンドフォント (Donald Trump's Tiny Hand Font)

  • 3 0
    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
動画の中の単語