字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -I wanted to wish you a happy belated birthday. -Thank you so much. -Yeah. -Four days late, but nonetheless. Thank you. -Uh, it was this past weekend? -Yeah, it was. Yeah, it happened. -Do you enjoy birthdays, or... -No, no, no. -No, you don't. -I don't enjoy mine. -No. -No, no, no. I enjoy other people's birthdays, which happens every day, but I don't enjoy my own birthday. -No. -No. -You never did, even as a kid? -Never did. No, when I was a kid, I hated it even more than I do now because, as a kid, I just remember, like, the pressure of having a birthday party -- which I never had -- because I was too nervous about who I would choose -- which friend I would choose to sit next to me, and I didn't want to have to be in the position of ranking my friends like that, so I just opted to never have a birthday party. -Oh, my gosh. -I was so nervous to hurt somebody's feelings. -But what about family? Did family -- Did you have parties with family? -No, I sequestered myself in the room and said, "I don't want to have to choose which one of you I like the most." I think they knew, but I didn't want to have to explicitly say it. [ Laughter ] -But we talked once. You said your mom was a clown at kids parties. -This is the great irony of my life. My mom was was a bir-- The shoemaker's son goes shoeless. The birthday party clown's kid goes birthday-less. -Did she never entertained at your parties? -No, she didn't entertain, you know, because of nepotism, but, um... [ Laughter ] So, she would -- one time -- I did have one birthday party -- she used to barter with the local magician. She said, "Okay, if you do my son's birthday party, I'll perform at your kid's birthday party." And so I had one birthday party, and, luckily, you don't have to choose where anybody sits 'cause it's a magic -- you know, it's a magic show, so you all just sit in a clump, so that's easy. But, you know, because it was my birthday, he chose me to be, like, his sexy assistant. You know what I mean? I had to come up and be sawed in half or pull the thing out of the hat or whatever they're doing, and, um -- and I hated that, too, because then, you know, you're getting the attention for that, and then my friends know I'm better than them on that day. -Yeah, yeah, no, yeah, yeah, no, yeah, no, you don't want that. You don't want that at all. But, now, Halloween is coming up, and I can just assume you don't appreciate that. -Also didn't like that holiday. -No, no, no, no, probably not. What would you do on Halloween? Would you, uh -- -Halloween, I just -- -Just didn't like the idea of getting candy, or... -I hated the idea of getting candy. I hated the idea of trick-or-treating. I always just thought it was, like, the least-efficient way to get food, you know? You know, there were hunters, you know, thousands and thousands of years got food more quickly than I did going door to door getting, you know, fun-sized Snickers bars. It's just -- I didn't like doing it, and, um, you know, I'm a manic person, so that kind of thing -- this plotting thing of going door to door to get something that's tiny is just... -Well, I asked you to see if you can... -Yeah. -I asked you if you could give us a photo or have your -- ask your mom for a photo of you in one of your Halloween costumes. -That's right. I asked my mom. I said, "I'm going on the Jimmy Fallon show." She loves you, by the way. I don't know if you've ever been told that somebody's mother loves you, but my mom loves you. -Oh, thank you. I love that. -I imagine that's like -- you must -- you love that. Um, anyway. -I love hearing that. -"Suburban woman in New Jersey loves me?" But anyway... -She came back. She gave us a photo of one of your Halloween costumes. Can you explain -- uh, what are you dressed as? What is that? -Yeah. -It doesn't look like much of a, uh, costume. -Also, the van should tell you everything you need to know about my childhood. But, yes, I guess this was my most elaborate Halloween costume according to my mother, which is, like, a Dickensian hat and a -- a de-threaded basketball, I guess. You know, what is the basketball where it no longer has the dots on it? That's the one I had. But, um, yeah. -That was your -- -...no grip. -That was your costume. -That was my costume. -Pretty good. -Yeah. -Probably no one else at school was dressed like that. -No. No, no, no. -No. You're the only one. -Yeah, but, after tonight, who knows? -It could catch on. -Yeah. -Uh, I love your acting, but I also love your -- your writing, as well. You write very funny -- I've seen stories in New Yorker. -Yeah, thanks a lot. -They're great. -Oh, yeah, right. -Explain this. What is this -- this book? -Yes, this is a book that I'm just part of a compilation of, including Nate Dern, one of your great writers here is in it. Probably everybody who's ever written in the language or maybe even a different language is in this book, 'cause it's so huge. Yeah, if you can see it on the side. -It's a big book. -Yeah, it's biblical proportion. -Yeah, it's a big book. I-I-I have a book out, too. Let me see it. -This is it here. "Baby" -- Jimmy Fallon. Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ] -Could we -- just out of curiosity, could we -- could we -- could we compare font size? -Yeah, we can compare font size. -Yeah. -Something tells me -- Something tells me yours is gonna... Yeah, here, so, small, kind of modest 10-point. What do you have? These are "Baby"... -Yeah, yeah, yeah. I figure for babies it's good. -Yeah. No zoom-in necessary. -No, no, no. You don't need -- You can see it from far away. -Right, so, this is McSweeney's. This is started by -- -I love McSweeney's. -And, uh, yeah, it's all the best comedy writers write for this, and, uh, it's a wonderful book. Probably written by 1,000 environmentalists but wasting so much paper. -Yeah. -You can buy it ironically. It's a good book if you like funny. -Yeah. -Check it out.