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-This is so exciting.
We are here on Sunday night.
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's crazy.
Right now, everyone who passed out during the game is waking up
to this like, "Oh, my God, I slept through Monday?
I am so fired."
But it was an interesting day around the office, too.
At 1:00 p.m., people on the crew, they came up to me
and they were like, "Hey, Jimmy, I had to sell
my New York Jets tickets because of today's show.
I had to sell them."
By 4:00 p.m., they were like, "Hey, thanks for doing the show,
so I didn't have to watch the freaking Jets.
Here's a little something for you.
Thank you very much."
[ Cheers and applause ]
"I didn't have to watch it."
We're at the start of a new season.
I guess one of the big trends this year
is healthier foods at the stadium.
Yep, the Dallas Cowboys
are now selling quinoa salad and mushroom burgers.
[ Laughter ]
If you're interested,
look for the concession stand with no one in line.
[ Laughter ]
Not only that, I read that more stadiums
are offering a selection of fine wines.
[ Audience oohs ]
Here's how it works.
First, you pick out a nice vintage.
Then you taste it, then you strap two bottles
to a helmet with a giant plastic tube.
[ Laughter ]
Bottle of red, bottle of white.
Rosé, baby! Rosé.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Of course, we're coming to you after tonight's big Sunday night
game between the Patriots and the Steelers.
Before the game, Rob Gronkowski busted out of the tunnel,
chest bumped his teammates, trash-talked the Steelers,
and then remembered he retired six months ago.
Like, "Alright, my bad. Sorry about that, forgot."
The big NFL story is
about superstar wide receiver Antonio Brown.
Have you been keeping up with this?
So here's the story, I think.
Antonio got frostbite on his feet
after he went into one of those cryotherapy chambers
wearing the wrong shoes or something.
He froze -- Frostbite on his feet.
So he had to -- He got in trouble for that.
Then he didn't want to play
because his helmet wasn't NFL-approved.
He wanted to play with an old helmet that he liked.
Yeah, and then he cursed out the GM and threatened to fight him,
then went on social media
and asked to be released from the team.
[ Laughter ]
Even "Bachelor" fans were like, "This is way too much drama.
I can't. This is just one man."
Guys, I love the NFL so much. I'm so pumped.
And not just for the games, but also 'cause it means
we get to do my favorite segment.
Are you ready for this, Tariq? -Absolutely.
-It is time for "Tariq lightly roasts the NFL mascots."
Here we go.
♪ -Tariq lightly roasts NFL mascots ♪
First up, we got Who Dey for the Bengals.
[ Laughter ]
Okay. I mean, is it just me,
or does his shirt look a little too small?
-[ Laughs ] Oh, snap, he did it, not me.
[ Laughter ]
He said it, not me. His words, not mine.
-Sorry. Who are you guys?
-Who you think? We Team Tariq, baby!
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Yeah, that's right. That's right.
We support everything this man does.
Isn't that right, Tariq?
Keep doing your thing, Tariq.
[ Laughter ]
-Alright, alright.
Up next, you got Roary for the Lions.
I mean, no offense, man, but you could use a haircut.
-[ Laughs ] No, he didn't!
He went there.
-Jimmy, can we even say that on TV?
Hey, yo, call standards and practices. We all getting fired.
-Everybody getting fired.
Pull out your wallets. -Wow.
-Billy Buffalo for the Bills, right?
Uh, last time I checked, buffalos ain't blue.
-[ Laughs ] What?
I mean, what?
You kidding me?
-I mean, how do you even recover from that?
Trick question. You can't!
-Can't do it. Can't do it. -I'm so sorry.
Are you wearing two pairs of glasses, the guy in the back?
[ Laughter ]
I just noticed.
[ Applause ]
-Yeah. Yeah, I need the second pair to see.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, man, how you gonna make fun
of this brother's ailment, man? He got problems.
-Alright, I apologize. -Just cool it, man.
-Hey, yo, keep going, Tariq!
-Alright. Alright. Alright.
This is Pat the Patriot for the Patriots.
I mean, to be honest, his smile is kind of creepy.
-What the -- [ Screaming ]
[ Laughter ]
I mean, is this even legal? -What?
[ Laughter ]
-You're killing them. Genius.
-Wrecking stuff, man. Cool.
-Steely McBeam for the Steelers.
I mean, you have to admit,
I mean, it's kind of -- it's a weird name.
-Oh, my God!
[ Laughter ]
He done it again! [ Laughter ]
-It's over!
Hey, hey, call me a cab 'cause this is over.
-Team Tariq! Tariq, Tariq, Tariq!
-Thank you. Give it up for Tariq Trotter.
Bashir Salahuddin. [ Cheers and applause ]
And Diallo Riddle.
That has been "Tariq lightly roasts NFL mascots."
Thank you for being here, guys.
♪ -Tariq lightly roasts NFL mascots ♪


The Roots' Tariq Trotter Lightly Roasts NFL Mascots

林宜悉 2020 年 7 月 3 日 に公開
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