No! This is relaxing.

[playing clarinet]

Oh no!

I'll save you, Squidward!

Squidward, are you all right? That's it, chew, chew,

and swallow.

There, better?

Better? I was just fine until you lodged that ballistic junk food

into my windpipe!

But I had to!

It's too dangerous to play the clarinet badly out here in the wilderness.

It might attract...

A sea bear.

A sea bear?

You mean like the ones that don't exist?

What are you saying?

There's no such thing! They're just a myth.

Oh no, Squidward, sea bears are all too real

It says so in the Bikini Bottom Inquirer.

"I Married a Sea Bear"?

Yeah! And Fake Science Monthly!

"Sea Bears and Fairy Tales Are Real"?

That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!

Well, maybe it is stupid, but it's also dumb!

Patrick's right, Squidward. Sea bears are no laughing matter.

Why, once I met this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy,

who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy,

who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy,

who knew this guy, who knew this guy,

who knew this guy, who knew this guy, who knew this guy,

who knew this guy's cousin...

You're right!

I should be more careful.

In fact, why don't you tell me all of the things I shouldn't do

if I want to keep the sea bears away?

Okay, that's easy. First off, don't play the clarinet.

Okay. Then what?

Never wave your flashlight back and forth really fast.

Flashlights are their natural prey.

You're kidding.

Don't stomp around. They take that as a challenge.

- Yeah. - Go on.

Don't ever eat cheese.

Sliced or cubed?

[whispering]

Cubed. Sliced is fine.

Yeah, yeah, and?

- Never wear a sombrero... - In a goofy fashion!

- Or clown shoes. - Or a hoop skirt.

- And never... - Ever...

- Ever... - Ah!

Screech like a chimpanzee!

Wow! That's amazing how many things can set a sea bear off.

They're horrible!

And... and suddenly, I have the sense we're all in danger.

Why?

I don't know...

Just a feeling!

- No. - Yes.

- No. - Hoo, hoo-hoo!

Squidward, please don't!

[making chimp noises]

SpongeBob, what are we gonna do? A sea bear's sure to come and eat us!

Don't worry, Patrick. I'll draw us an anti-sea-bear circle in the dirt.

Good thinking! All the experts say

it's the only defense against a sea bear attack.

[laughing]

You guys are so gullible.

See? I did everything that attracts a sea bear,

and nothing happened.

If sea bears really exist, why didn't one show up?

Maybe it's because you're not wearing your sombrero in a goofy fashion.

Oh, pfft. Sorry, how silly of me!

You mean like this?

[laughing]

No. Like that.

[growling]

[screaming]

[screaming]

Squidward, are you okay?

No.

Quick! Jump inside our anti-sea-bear circle before he comes back!

Yeah. Sea bears often attack more than once.

Are you crazy?

A dirt circle won't stop that monster.

I'm running for my life!

No!

[screaming]

Don't run! Sea bears hate that!

Thanks for the tip.

I guess I'll just limp home, then.

No!

[screaming]

They hate limping more than running!

Well, I guess I'll just have...

[screaming]

I should have warned you about crawling.

[screaming]

What'd I do that time?

I don't know! I guess he just doesn't like you.

Pretend to be somebody else!

- Here, draw a circle. - Okay.

[screaming]

That was an oval.

It has to be a circle!

Move over!

[growling]

Hey, it worked!

You guys saved my life!

[cheering]

Yeah, I'm glad it was just a sea bear.

This circle would never hold back a sea rhinoceros!

What attracts them?

The sound of a sea bear attack.

Heh. Good thing we're all wearing our anti-sea-rhinoceros undergarments.

- Right, Squidward? - Huh?