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  • [phone ringing]

  • - Hello. - Joey, it's Ross.

  • I need some help.

  • Uh, Chandler's not here.

  • Well, you can help me.

  • Okay.

  • Listen, I'm in Elizabeth's bathroom.

  • Nice.

  • No, I-I got really hot in my leather pants

  • so I took them off, but they must have shrunk

  • from the, the sweat or something

  • or, or my legs expanded from the heat.

  • But I can't get them back on, Joey.

  • I can't.

  • Oh, that is quite a situation.

  • Uh, do you see any, like, powder?

  • Powder, yeah, yeah. I have powder.

  • (Joey on phone) 'Good, good, okay.'

  • Sprinkle some of that on your legs.

  • It'll absorb some of the moisture

  • and then you can get your pants back on.

  • Yeah, okay, hold on.

  • They're not coming on, man.

  • Um, you see any...oh, Vaseline?

  • Oh.

  • I...I see lotion.

  • I have lotion, will that work?

  • Yeah, sure, throw some of that on there.

  • (Ross on phone) 'Hold on.'

  • Uh.

  • Ross, you okay?

  • They're still, they're still not coming on, man.

  • And the lotion and the powder have made a paste.

  • Really?

  • Uh, what color is it?

  • What difference does that make?

  • Well, I just, if the paste matches the pants

  • y-you can make yourself a pair of paste pants

  • and she won't know the difference!

  • Okay, buddy boy, here it is.

  • You hide my clothes, I'm wearing everything you own.

  • Oh, my God!

  • That is so not the opposite of taking somebody's underwear!

  • "Look at me! I'm Chandler!

  • Could I be wearing any more clothes?"

  • Maybe if I wasn't going commando..

  • [groaning]

  • Yeah. Whoo!

  • I tell you, it's hot with all this stuff on.

  • I, uh, I better not do any, I don't know, lunges.

  • Okay, okay. Enough, enough of the lunging.

  • No, I'm sick of this, okay I've had it up to here with you two

  • Neither of you can come to the party.

  • [scoffing] Geez, what a baby.

  • Alright, sweetheart.

  • This is only because I love you so much

  • and I know that you're t going to tell anybody.■

  • ♪ I like...big butts and I cannot lie

  • You other brothers can't deny

  • When a girl walks in with an itty-bitty waist

  • And a round thing in your face.. ♪

  • Yes, yes, yes.

  • Yes!

  • ♪ I like big butts

  • And I cannot lie

  • You other brothers can't deny.. ♪

  • Oh, Emma, you're laughing! Oh, you are.

  • You really do like big butts, don't you?

  • Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.

  • - Hey. - Oh, you missed it.

  • She was laughing. Oh, it was amazing. It was amazing.

  • It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound.

  • Oh, I know. Isn't it?

  • Oh, what'd you do to get her to laugh?

  • Uh...you know, I just..

  • ...a couple of things, I tried...different things..

  • "Itsy Bitsy Spider"..

  • You sang "Baby Got Back" didn't you?

  • Nothing else works. That girl is all about the ass!

  • Look, you have to help me, okay?

  • I mean, I know what to do with a woman.

  • You know, I know where everything goes.

  • It's always...nice, but I need to know

  • what makes it go from "nice" to

  • "My God somebody's killing her in there."

  • Alright, I'm gonna show you somethin'

  • a lot of guys don't know. Rach, hand me that pad, please.

  • Alright.

  • Now..

  • Well, you don't have to draw an actual wo..

  • Whoa, she's hot.

  • Now, everybody knows the basic erogenous zones.

  • You got one, two, three.

  • ...four...five..

  • ...six and seven.

  • There are seven?

  • Let me see that.

  • Oh, yeah.

  • That's one?

  • [chuckling] Kind of an important one.

  • [chuckles]

  • Oh, you know-you know what? I was looking at it upside down.

  • [laughs] Well, you know, sometimes that helps.

  • Okay, now, most guys will hit, uh, one, two, three

  • and then go to seven and set up camp.

  • That-that's bad?

  • Well, if you go to Disneyland

  • you don't spend the whole day on the Matterhorn.

  • Well, you might, if it were anything like seven.

  • Alright, uh, the important thing

  • is to take your time.

  • You want to hit 'em all ...and you want to mix 'em up.

  • You got to keep them on their toes.

  • Oh, toes!

  • Yeah, f-for some people.

  • (Monica) Alright.

  • You could, uh, start out with a-a little one..

  • ...a two..

  • ...a one, two, three..

  • ...a three..

  • A five.

  • A four...a three, two..

  • ...two, a two, four, six.

  • Two, four, six..

  • ...four...two..

  • ...two...four, seven..

  • ...five, seven..

  • ...six, seven..

  • ...seven...seven..

  • ...seven, seven, seven, seven, seven, seven..

  • ...seven!

  • [no audio] Seven.

  • So, how dark do you want to be?

  • We have one, two or three.

  • Well, uh, I like how you look. What are you?

  • - Puerto Rican. - Two, I think a two.

  • You're gonna face the red light.

  • When the red light goes on, the spray's about to start

  • so close your eyes.

  • When the spraying stops, count to five.

  • Pat yourself down to avoid drip marks,

  • then turn around, so we can get your back.

  • - You got it? - Spray, count, pat and turn.

  • Spray, count and pat.

  • Wow, you catch on quick.

  • Well, I have a PhD, so..

  • One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Miss--

  • Wait! Wait!

  • I'm not.. I'm not finished counting!

  • - You sprayed my front, twice! - You never turned?

  • No, I barely even got to "three Mississippi"

  • "Mississippi"?

  • I said count to five.

  • Mississippi-lessly?

  • - Well, how-how bad is it? - 'Not that bad, yet.'

  • But it keeps getting darker for the next four hours.

  • So, how dark is it gonna get?

  • Oh, you got sprayed with two two's and..

  • I'm a four?

  • Yeah, but your back's a zero..

  • You're gonna wanna even that out.

  • Really?

  • You might wanna get back in there--

  • Oh, okay!

  • Wait, wait a minute.

  • There's no light on the back wall.

  • How do I know when it's going to start?

  • Hello?

  • Ow! My eye! Ow, ah..

  • Ah!

  • Alright, who would, uh, like some yams? Will?

  • Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't ya?

  • What? Oh. You know what?

  • Can we please keep the chicken and the turkey

  • and everything on the other side of the table?

  • The smell is just...yuck...

  • [coughs] Typical.

  • - I'm sorry. What?

  • I said it was typical...

  • Typical of you, Rachel Green, Queen Rachel.

  • Does whatever she wants in her little Rachel Land.

  • Seriously, who is this guy?

  • [Rachel clears throat]

  • Sorry, do you, do you have a problem with me?

  • I don't know. Do I? Do I?

  • I think you do.

  • Apparently, you were, a little mean to him in high school.

  • "A little mean"? You made my life miserable.

  • I'm-I'm, I had no idea. I'm sorry!

  • Well, you should be.

  • Screw it. Bring on the yams.

  • Oh, Will, but you've worked so hard and--

  • - Yams! - Okay!

  • (Rachel) Uh, Will, I just wanna say

  • that I'm real sorry for whatever

  • I-I did to you in high school.

  • Oh, it wasn't just me. We had a club.

  • - You had a club? - 'That's right.'

  • The I Hate Rachel Green Club!

  • Whoa, my God! So, what? You all just joined together to hate me?

  • Who else was in this "club"?

  • Me...and Ross.

  • No need to point. She knows who Ross is.

  • [instrumental music]

  • I have to tie my shoe. So, you go ahead. I'll catch up.

  • - Okay. - Okay.

  • Come on! That's not running!

  • Let's go!

  • - Hi! - Oh!

  • Oh, yeah, uh-huh, it's .

  • I saw you grab your running shoes

  • this morning and sneak out.

  • You lied so you could run by yourself.

  • No. No, Phoebe, no. I was, no. You know what?

  • I was...I was actually just checking..

  • ...to see...if I could run and I can.

  • Please, Rachel, I am not an idiot.

  • No, wait, Phoebe.

  • [instrumental music]

  • - Hey! - Hey!

  • Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

  • You were right, this feels great!

  • See? And you don't care if people are staring.

  • It's just for a second, 'cause then you're gone

  • Gone! I mean, it's amazing, Phoebs!

  • I feel so free, and so graceful.

  • [screaming]

  • [whinnying]

  • Hey! Look out for the horse!

  • Sorry.

  • - Hi. - Hi.

  • You, uh...wanted to see me?

  • Yeah.

  • Uh, here's a box of your stuff.

  • What?

  • Uh, you know, it's just, like, hats and shirt and CDs..

  • Just sort of stuff that you've left here.

  • What are you doing, are-are you trying

  • to hurt me or something?

  • No.

  • Ross, it..

  • It just seems that, you know, it's time we..

  • you know, move on.

  • I mean, don't you think?

  • - Yes. - Yeah.

  • - Yes, I do. - Good.

  • Yeah, I-I really do.

  • Hey!

  • This.. This was a gift.

  • Ross, you got that for free from the museum gift shop.

  • It's still a gift.

  • I got if from the gift.

  • Okay. Alright. Give me the mug. I'll keep the mug.

  • No! You know, don't do me any favors.

  • In fact, where..

  • Where's the rest of my stuff?

  • Like, like, my, um...hey!

  • This book is mine!

  • And-and-and and that t-shirt you sleep in

  • I'd like that back, too.

  • Yes, I do.

  • You know how much I love that t-shirt.

  • You never even wear that t-shirt.

  • I'm just trying to help you move on.■

  • Oh, you are a petty man.