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  • -Welcome to "Late Night." How's everybody doing?

  • If you wanna know how I'm doing --

  • every doll in this attic

  • has a first and last name now.

  • [ Laughing ] Isn't that right, Miss Claudia Calloway?

  • [ Laughs ] You're my best friend?

  • Let's get to the news.

  • President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump

  • held a ceremony in the White House Rose Garden today

  • for the National Day of Prayer,

  • but, when she opened her eyes,

  • he was still there.

  • During an Oval Office event yesterday,

  • President Trump called the coronavirus

  • the invisible enemy and said he views the virus like a war.

  • In other words, safely, from thousands of miles away.

  • That's right, President Trump called the coronavirus

  • the "invisible enemy."

  • But, to be fair, that's also what he calls

  • the little piece of lettuce they try to hide in his burgers.

  • [ As Trump ] Nice try, invisible enemy.

  • After declaring yesterday National Nurses Day,

  • President Trump met with a group of nurses in the Oval Office.

  • Said Trump, "I just want you guys to know

  • you're my favorite category."

  • German Chancellor Angela Merkel announced yesterday

  • that the country would begin the next phase

  • of reopening from the coronavirus pandemic.

  • And this is cool --

  • she might finally get to see her hairstylist.

  • If we can't -- I know, but if we can't joke

  • about that now, [ Mumbling ] I don't know.

  • What else is there for us?

  • Secretary of State Mike Pompeo is reportedly planning

  • to travel to Israel next week for a 24-hour visit

  • amid the coronavirus pandemic, which, if you ask me,

  • Israeli ["is really" unnecessary.

  • Matt Goldich wrote a joke whose punch line is

  • "Israeli ["is really"] unnecessary."

  • Mother's Day is this Sunday,

  • so now all I have to do is figure out when Sunday is.

  • Is today Sunday? Hm.

  • The CEO of grocery chain Kroger said yesterday

  • that Americans will have meat during the coronavirus pandemic,

  • so long as they are "flexible."

  • Although, isn't being flexible on meat

  • what got us into this, in the first place?

  • So...

  • Tomorrow is No Socks Day.

  • Good! 'Cause I'm startin' to feel creepy,

  • walkin' around the house wearing just socks.

  • [ Laughs ] Finally, budget airline Allegiant Air

  • has begun offering customers

  • free health and safety kits on all flights

  • to stop the spread of coronavirus.

  • That story again -- Some airline you never heard of

  • is offering you more help than your president.

  • That was the monologue, everybody.

  • And shout-out to my son Ashe,

  • who promised he would be quiet the whole monologue,

  • and he did it.

  • Good job, buddy. -Thank you.

-Welcome to "Late Night." How's everybody doing?


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トランプ大統領とメラニア・トランプ氏が建国記念日を祝う (President Trump and Melania Trump Celebrate National Day of Prayer)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日