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  • -On your marks, get set, go!

  • -Go, Winnie, go, Winnie, go, Winnie.

  • Go, Winnie, go, Winnie, go, Winnie.

  • -Careful! -Yes, you got to go.

  • Franny, go! You can go! -I did it!

  • -Go, Franny, go, go, go, go! -Go! Slide on in!

  • -Here I come!

  • -Franny, don't let Daddy beat you!

  • -[ Screams ] -[ Laughs ]

  • -...Franny! -Franny!

  • -I'll get you next time. Let's start the show.

  • ♪♪

  • -♪ We in the house

  • Come on

  • -Tonight join Jimmy and his guests --

  • Queen Latifah...

  • Pete Davidson and Judd Apatow...

  • musical guest James Taylor...

  • and the legendary Roots crew.

  • It's "The Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • -♪ We in the house, y'all

  • -And now here's Jimmy.

  • -Hey, everybody.

  • Welcome to "Tonight Show: At Home Edition."

  • I want to thank @AlexPresley-

  • on TikTok for that back slide race.

  • We've been doing it, and it's really fun at the house.

  • All right. Let's do tonight's monologue.

  • -Wind me up, barber!

  • It's time for the monologue!

  • -Hey, guys. This weekend is Mother's Day.

  • But because of the pandemic,

  • Hooters isn't offering their annual free meal for Mom.

  • I'm sorry, honey.

  • Kids and I will try to make it up to you.

  • We'll make your day special still. Don't worry.

  • Well, it's our eighth week of quarantine,

  • and I heard that some people

  • are trying to relax by turning their homes into spas.

  • Yeah, you just lie facedown, turn on some soothing music,

  • then your kids jump on your back

  • until you turn on a movie for them.

  • Listen to this. Disney is now offering the Disney bundle --

  • Gary. Gary, get out of there.

  • That's -- What were you doing in there?

  • -Looking for something to roll in again.

  • -Yeah.

  • Gary might have caught some fox disease or something.

  • -[ Chuckles ]

  • -Gary, what are you even doing?

  • Maybe you're just an inside dog.

  • Gary? Gary.

  • You seem concerned. Listen to this.

  • Disney is now offering the Disney bundle

  • which includes Hulu, ESPN+, and Disney+

  • for $12.99 a month.

  • And this is cool -- for an extra $5, you can own Disney.

  • Well, this isn't good.

  • I read that Hawaii authorities

  • have been arresting rogue tourists

  • who are not abiding to the state's quarantine orders.

  • Also I'm 99% sure that "Rogue Tourist"

  • is a straight-to-DVD movie starring Liam Neeson.

  • [As Neeson] "I'm the rogue tourist.

  • I've got one grass skirt, two bowls of poi.

  • Race you to the gift shop."

  • Check this out. The first sample of Kanye's Yeezy 451 sneakers

  • have been released.

  • Take a look at these things. Huh.

  • They look like they're whispering, "Water."

  • [ Chuckles ]

  • It's the only shoe where they ask

  • if you want it in a cup or a cone.

  • I saw a new study that says raptors may have hunted solo

  • and not in packs like in "Jurassic Park."

  • So I guess the 1993 movie about a totally safe

  • dinosaur theme park isn't historically accurate.

  • Gotcha! Ha ha!

  • And finally, this is incredible.

  • A 14-year-old high-school graduate

  • has been accepted into eight California Universities.

  • When I heard that, my first thought was, "Damn, I got to

  • transfer my kids into THAT homeschool."

  • Guys, that is our monologue right there.

  • Thank you very much. What a show we have for you tonight.

  • Queen Latifah is here.

  • Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson are here.

  • And we got great music from James Taylor.

  • The one and only James Taylor. Oh, my gosh.

  • He's doing "Close Your Eyes" with his wife and his son.

  • I know. I was thinking about jumping in

  • and seeing if I could get -- Maybe we'll do a song.

  • "Close Your..." That's going to be just --

  • It's just going to be beautiful. I love him so much.

  • I love the whole fam. I'm so happy they're here.

  • Guys, it's time for "Hashtags."

  • ♪♪

  • Hashtags

  • -Hey, guys, it's time for "Hashtags."

  • The hashtags today are #QuarantineMomQuotes.

  • These are quotes from your mom made during the quarantine,

  • because Mother's Day is coming up.

  • So here we go. Our first one here is from @trixsyoyoforreal.

  • They say, "When my mom goes on her daily walk, she always says,

  • 'If something happens to me, call me.'"

  • This one's from @quarantineq14.

  • She says, "Mom -- Aunt Cheryl wants to Vroom.

  • You have to show me how to do it.

  • ME -- Mom, do you mean Zoom?

  • Mom -- No. Vroom."

  • [ Laughs ]

  • Vroom should be the next level.

  • That's $15.99 if you want the full -- if you want to Vroom.

  • Right now you're Zooming. I want to Vroom! Yeah.

  • This one's from @Hannahzylstra.

  • Zylstra?

  • "My mom now ends our conversations with,

  • 'Love you, drive safe, and don't lick anything.'"

  • Okay. Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Mom.

  • I won't lick anything. Thank you.

  • This one's from @amandathinks13.

  • Her mom said, "I heard Gigi and Hadid are going to be parents.

  • Good for them."

  • [ Laughs ]

  • "Gigi and Hadid."

  • [ Chuckles ]

  • This one is from @mbodyspirit.

  • They say, "Yes, you can keep using the iPad.

  • Please keep using the iPad."

  • That's a mom that needs a break.

  • These are #QuarantineMomQuotes.

  • This one's from @teachnwolves.

  • She says, "We are rationing the Cool Whip."

  • "Hey!"

  • [ Laughs ]

  • "Hey! We're rationing the Cool Whip, okay?

  • One dollop. One flop on each dessert."

  • This one's from @thechap9.

  • They say -- "Mom said, your dad is your parent now."

  • "Your dad is your parent now, okay?

  • I had enough, okay?

  • Had enough of you, so your dad is your parent now, okay?"

  • These are #QuarantineMomQuotes.

  • This one's from @countbasic2. He says -- His mom said --

  • [ Laughs ]

  • "I've been watching that Amazon show

  • with the funny British lady, 'Scumball.'"

  • [ Laughs ]

  • "You mean 'Fleabag.'"

  • Yeah. It's not "Scumball."

  • [ Laughs ]

  • This one's from @lckcvmj.

  • She says her mom said, "I'm not an angry person.

  • You guys just make me angry."

  • "Simple as that. I'm not an angry person."

  • This last one's from @herndongearis.

  • He says his mom says, "Dinner is poured."

  • There you guys have it. Those are our hashtags.

  • Happy Mother's Day, everybody.

  • We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show."

  • Queen Latifah, Judd Apatow, Pete Davidson, James Taylor.

  • Come on back, everybody.

  • ♪♪

  • -I want to pitch!

  • [ Indistinct conversation ]

  • ♪♪

  • -Yes! -Ohh!

  • Franny, What are you doing?

  • ♪♪

  • -Powerhouse.

  • ♪♪

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -Winnie, you're so good.

-On your marks, get set, go!

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ザ・トゥナイトショーアットホーム版(ハッシュタグ:#QuarantineMomQuotes (The Tonight Show: At Home Edition (Hashtags: #QuarantineMomQuotes))

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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