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  • -Welcome to "Late Night"! How's everybody doin'?

  • My wife and I have run

  • out of things to talk about,

  • so I've just started makin' stuff up.

  • If she asks, I was on "Degrassi."

  • Anyway, let's get to the news.

  • President Trump visited Phoenix today

  • and was joined on Air Force One

  • by Arizona Senator Martha McSally,

  • which is pretty much the answer you'd expect to the question,

  • "Who's crazy enough to get on a plane right now?"

  • The New York Post interviewed President Trump yesterday

  • in the Oval Office and Trump had a long list

  • of his administration's accomplishments

  • printed on his desk.

  • Of course, the list was only long

  • because he made the margins

  • really wide.

  • President Trump said in an interview yesterday

  • that everybody enjoyed

  • his White House coronavirus briefings.

  • Everybody except, you know,

  • scientists.

  • President Trump said, in a new interview,

  • that he believes everybody likes his coronavirus press briefings

  • and prefers he be combative with reporters because that is,

  • "More interesting than having boring questions asked."

  • Oh, my God. Are you kidding?

  • I wish we had a boring president right now, more than anything.

  • I would vote for a Ken Burns documentary

  • in the general election, if I could.

  • President Trump criticized Congress yesterday

  • for declining his offer to provide coronavirus tests

  • so lawmakers could return to Capitol Hill and tweeted...

  • Which is a little ironic,

  • coming from a 73-year-old man tweeting

  • in the middle of the workday.

  • That's right, Trump criticized Congress

  • for declining his offer to provide coronavirus tests

  • so lawmakers could return to Capitol Hill.

  • But, in their defense, the tests he offered aren't very accurate.

  • [ As Trump ] Okay, now pick a color.

  • Hillary Clinton is reportedly appearing

  • at a virtual fundraising dinner

  • for former Vice President Joe Biden later this month

  • and tickets cost up to $50,000.

  • Wow, imagine paying to sit through that Zoom call --

  • Hillary stuck on mute,

  • Biden accidentally sharing his screen of a web search asking,

  • "What is Zoom?" Actually, you know what?

  • [ Laughing ] Yeah, I would. I'd pay to see that.

  • CNN anchor Anderson Cooper revealed last week

  • that he became a father to a baby boy

  • and he's already so stressed out,

  • his hair turned brown.

  • That was my favorite one tonight.

  • Singer Justin Bieber and his wife, Hailey Baldwin, yesterday

  • launched a new documentary series about their lives.

  • Said Americans,

  • "Ah, alright."

  • [ Laughing ] A large crowd gathered

  • at an Atlanta mall over the weekend

  • for a chance to buy the new Air Jordan sneakers,

  • amid the coronavirus pandemic.

  • Which proves that there's at least one thing

  • Michael Jordan and his fans have in common --

  • a gambling problem.

  • Carnival Cruise Line said yesterday that,

  • despite the coronavirus pandemic,

  • they plan to launch eight cruises in August.

  • The cruises will stop in Puerto Vallarta, Cozumel,

  • and then whatever country will take 3,000 sick people.

  • This week is International Clitoris Awareness Week.

  • It's true. Just look at your calendar.

  • No, no, no, not there.

  • No, just a little to the left.

  • No, no, no. No, your left.

  • Yeah -- Ugh. Just forget it.

  • Forget it, David!

  • A page of lyrics to a Beatles song,

  • handwritten by Paul McCartney,

  • will go up for auction next month

  • and is expected to sell for up to $300,000.

  • It would go for more, but, unfortunately,

  • it's all the nah nah nah nah's from "Hey Jude."

  • Nah nah nah nah

  • Oh, can we clear that?

  • And, finally, producers have announced

  • that the actor Nicolas Cage will play

  • "Tiger King" star Joe Exotic in a new miniseries and also,

  • in real life for the last [ Laughing ] 40 years.

  • That was the monologue.

-Welcome to "Late Night"! How's everybody doin'?

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トランプ大統領がアリゾナ州を訪問 (President Trump Visits Arizona)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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