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  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

  • EVERYBODY.

  • ONE OF MY FAVORITE SEGMENTS WE DO ON "THE LATE SHOW" IS

  • SOMETHING CALLED "COMMUNITY CALENDAR," WHERE A CELEBRITY

  • GUEST AND I HIGHLIGHT ACTUAL UPCOMING EVENTS HAPPENING IN A

  • SMALL TOWN THEY HAPPEN TO BE FROM.

  • EVENTS LIKE POETRY READINGS, LOCAL BATTLES OF THE BANDS,

  • DEEP-FRIED TESTICLE FESTIVALS-- YOU KNOW, THE HEARTLAND.

  • WELL, I WANT TO DO IT AGAIN, BUT, OF COURSE, RIGHT NOW, ALL

  • THOSE LOCAL EVENTS HAVE BEEN.

  • CANCELLED.

  • HOWEVER, RESOURCEFUL PEOPLE.

  • ACROSS THE COUNTRY HAVE NOW BEEN HOLDING THE SAME SORTS OF

  • INCREDIBLE EVENTS ONLINE, BECAUSE WE'RE NOW ALL LIVING IN

  • THE SAME SMALL TOWN KNOWNAS THE INTERNET.

  • HERE TO HELP ME DISCUSS SOME OF THE BEST ONLINE EVENTS, A MAN

  • WHO IS CURRENTLY ONLINE HIMSELF, JOHN MULANEY!

  • >> HELLO, STEPHEN!

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU FOR BEING HERE, JOHN.

  • ARE YOU READY TO HIGHLIGHT SOME REAL UPCOMING ONLINE EVENTS?

  • >> I HAVE LITERALLY NOTHING ELSE GOING ON RIGHT NOW!

  • >> Stephen: GREAT!

  • THEN IT'S TIME FOR "COMMUNITY.

  • CALENDAR: INTERNET EDITION"!

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

  • ( PHONE DIALING ) ( MODEM CONNECTING )

  • ♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME TO

  • "COMMUNITY CALENDAR," YOUR SOURCE FOR EVERYTHING HAPPENING

  • ON THE WEB THAT ISN'T PORN.

  • JOHN, DO YOU ENJOY THE INTERNET?

  • >> I SURE DO!

  • IT'S PERFECT FOR WHEN I WANT TO FEEL BAD ABOUT MYSELF.

  • >> Stephen: WELL, LET'S SHOW PEOPLE SOME REAL UPCOMING ONLINE

  • EVENTS THEY CAN ATTEND.

  • FIRST UP, ARE YOU A BOOK LOVER LOOKING FOR A SENSE OF

  • COMMUNITY?

  • THEN CHECK OUT THE "QUARANTINED PAGES" PROJECT USING THE HASHTAG

  • "READING-APART-TOGETHER."

  • EVERY DAY THEY ARE HOSTING A "ONE-HOUR SILENT READING SESSION

  • ON ZOOM."

  • IT'S THE PERFECT EVENT FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS TO BE SILENTLY

  • IGNORED, BUT DOES NOT HAVE A CAT.

  • >> THEN, FOR ALL YOU COOKS OUT THERE, ON SATURDAY, MAY 2,

  • SACRAMENTO'S "SCRATCH-MADE LIFE" IS HOSTING SAUSAGE MAKING,

  • ONLINE.

  • IT'S LIKE THE SAYING GOES: "YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW HOW THE

  • SAUSAGE GETS MADE BECAUSE IT'S SO FUN AND YOU'LL

  • JUST WANT TO DO IT ALL THE TIME!"

  • >> Stephen: EVERY WEDNESDAY, STATEN ISLAND'S FRANK D. PAULO

  • INTERMEDIATE SCHOOL IS HOSTING "THE MASKED SINGER AT PAULO,"

  • WHERE MIDDLE SCHOOL TEACHERS PERFORM IN MASKS, WHILE STUDENTS

  • TRY TO GUESS WHO THEY ARE.

  • IT'S PERFECT FOR ANY TEACHER WHO LIKES WORKING FROM HOME BUT

  • MISSES GETTING MADE FUN OF BY STUDENTS.

  • >> SO, PLEASE TUNE IN TO SEE WHO IS BEHIND MISTER CHARMIN.

  • THEN QUICKLY LOG OFF BEFORE YOU SEE HIM REUSE THAT TOILET PAPER.

  • THE CHECK OUT EXPLORE.ORG'S WEBCAM OF THE AROARA BOREALIS.

  • SEE WHY SCIENTISTS CALL THE NORTHERN LIGHTS "NATURE'S SCREEN

  • SAVER."

  • AND THIS SATURDAY, MAY 2, LITTLE ROCK'S CLUB NEVERMORE WILL HOST

  • CABIN FEVER, AN ONLINE DANCE PARTY FEATURING FOUR SHOWERS OF

  • GOTH/INDUSTRIAL TACKS.

  • PLUS GOGHTD GOSSIP IN OUR CHAT ROOM.

  • GOTH GOSSIP, BY THE WAY, IS WHAT THEY ORIGINALLY CALLED

  • OBITUARIES.

  • >> STEPHEN, DO YOU WANT TO HEAR SOME HOT GOTH GOSSIP?

  • YOU KNOW JACK RACEN THE BASSIST.

  • I SAW HIM SMILING AND WEARING PASTELS.

  • >> Stephen: GET OUT!

  • >> YES!

  • AND GUESS WHERE HE WAS?

  • >> Stephen: BED, BATH AND BEYOND?

  • >> NO.

  • BUILD-A-BEAR WORKSHOP!

  • >> Stephen: WAIT.

  • WHAT WERE YOU DOING THERE?

  • >> I LIKE TO TAKE MY NEPHEW THERE AND THEN NOT BUY HIM

  • ANYTHING SO HE GETS UPSET.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S AWFUL.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: ON MAY 12, THE UNITED STATES OFFICE OF

  • PERSONNEL MANAGEMENT WILL HOST A WEBINAR ON PREPARING A RESUME

  • FOR FEDERAL JOBS.

  • LEARN HELPFUL TIPS LIKE: IF YOU WANT TO HEAD UP A

  • CORONOVIRUS TASK FORCE, UNDER.

  • "RELEVANT EXPERIENCE" PUT "MARRIED TO THE PRESIDENT'S

  • DAUGHTER."

  • >> TUESDAY, MAY 5, JOIN ALLENTOWN'S "FORWARD THINKING

  • FITNESS" ON ZOOM FOR "FREE KIDS SUPERHERO TRAINING!" AN

  • INTERACTIVE TRAINING SESSION FOR KIDS THAT FEATURES SUPERHEROES

  • SUCH AS BATMAN, WONDER WOMAN, CAPTAIN AMERICA, SPIDER-MAN, BAT

  • GIRL, AND MANY MORE!

  • SO COME FOR THE WORKOUT AND STAY TO SEE D.C. AND MARVEL TEAM UP

  • TO SUE A LOCAL GYM!

  • >> Stephen: WANT TO EXERCISE FROM HOME BUT ALSO ENJOY

  • DRINKING?

  • THEN SIGN UP FOR A VIRTUAL DRUNK YOGA CLASS.

  • START THE SESSION IN DOWNWARD-FACING DOG, AND END THE

  • NIGHT IN DOWNWARD-FACING TOILET BOWL.

  • >> BUT THERE'S MORE.

  • EVERY FRIDAY AT 8:00 P.M., JERSEY CITY'S ART HOUSE

  • PRODUCTIONS PRESENTS VIRTUAL DRAG BINGO HOSTED BY HARMONICA.

  • SUNBEAM.

  • I CAN'T WAIT TO TUNE IN AND FIND OUT WHAT HER DRAG NAME IS.

  • >> Stephen: EVERY NIGHT AT 7:00 CENTRAL ON FACEBOOK LIVE, YOU

  • CAN CHECK OUT "QUARANTINE QUARTERHOUR" A DAILY VARIETY

  • SHOW BROUGHT TO YOU BY A "FARM SOMEWHERE NEAR NASHVILLE."

  • IT FEATURES LIVE MUSIC, MAGIC TRICKS, AND OCCASIONAL

  • RELATIONSHIP ADVICE.

  • THAT ADVICE?

  • DON'T DATE A MUSICAL MAGICIAN WHO LIVES ON A FARM.

  • WELL, COMMA, THAT DOES IT FOR THIS EDITION OF "COMMUNITY

  • CALENDAR."

  • CHECK OUT colbertlateshow.com FOR LINKS TO THE EVENTS WE'VE

  • COVERED HERE TONIGHT.

  • >> IF YOU SEE ANY OTHER LINKS ON THE INTERNET, DO NOT CLICK ON

  • THEM.

  • >> Stephen: THANK YOU, JOHN MULANEY!

  • JOHN MULANEY, EVERYBODY.

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

  • ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK,

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ジョン・ムラニーはインターネットのコミュニティカレンダーを読む (John Mulaney Reads The Internet's Community Calendar)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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