Name: 大学で「障害者」になること [CC] (Being ‘the disabled one’ in university [CC])
Uploaded: 2021-01-14T10:52:21.000Z
Duration: 24 min 51 s
Description: VoiceTubeの動画で発音を聞きながら英語表現を覚えよう！学べる英語：

現在進行形

Welcome to a video in which I'm probably going to cry a lot (you've been warned)

動名詞

and talk about my experience of going through university with a disability.

I mean it's stuck up there with washitape so what are we expecting(!)

It's the follow up to my 'disabled in school' video which… I uploaded in June

I've put off making this video because university wasn't a very happy time for me. In fact,

it was an actively unhappy time. That cost me £35,000.

If you're new here, hi, I'm Jessica, I make videos twice a week, generally about

my own painful life lessons from being genetically deficient and the things you can learn from

them to hopefully better your own life. Subscribe if you enjoy humorously harrowing admonitions!

In retrospect, I probably did all of the wrong things and made terrible choices and thus…

perhaps this video is just me getting everything wrong over and over again by way of advice

on what you should not do because if there is one thing you need to know it's:

I was born with two genetic disabilities: one that affected my nerves and one that affected

my connective tissue. So basically: I have great teeth and bones, the rest is highly

This gives my body such a beating that I have what I call a 'chronic illness': being

in a state of having a cold at all times. You know when you feel lousy and your body

aches all over and you're exhausted and a bit sick-y? That's me all the time. But

throughout my childhood no one really believed me so I became a wonderful actress because

I just had to pretend that I wasn't in pain all of the time.

Oddly it made me very optimistic and chirpy! So that's good.

By the time I went to university I was already out of step with… my life… it felt like.

Right at the end of my penultimate year of school I became very ill, damaged my brain,

paralysed my arms because of illness- as you do!- and then everything just got so messed

I've talked to a number of publishers (side not yay) who want me to write a memoir about

being suddenly incredibly ill and effectively becoming disabled and coping and- but I was

so ill and it damaged my brain to the extent that I cannot tell you everything that happened

because all I have are snapshots from a frayed timeline that float out of sync and I honestly

cannot always tell what's real… Did that happen? Or was it just a passing thought I

had that year because my brain has logged them as the same and I can't tell you which

I'm trying to reach into my mind for facts and concretes and dates but…

I have foot drop in my left foot. I tore the ligament and that damaged the nerves so now

my brain doesn't really recognise my left foot. It's there. Obviously it's there.

I can see it. But the nerves make it feel as if it's not. So I liken it to walking

on jelly- as if my foot is a gelatinous blob attached to the end of my leg and I just have

to trust that it is there. Because it probably is. Maybe. And when I walk I just have to

trust that it will move, that it will land and that it will take my weight.

That's how my memories work. And sometimes it's terrifying. A person I met breifly

in a shop one Saturday may know more, own more of my entire weekend than me. Because

they at least remember five minutes and I remember nothing.

So hey, I'm going to tell you about my experience of being disabled in university. And overwhelmingly

the only bits of it I can really grasp are negative. But that doesn't mean it didn't

have positives. And if you knew me at university and we had wonderful fun together, me not

remembering it doesn't make the goodness any less real. And I don't want you to think

But what I meant by 'messed up' when I was referring to my schooling was both that

my memory is fuzzy but also… just that everything was fuzzy in person.

I had to re- … okay that can just live like that now.

[laughs] I had to 'redo' the year of school, even though I didn't go to any classes,

I just had to wait out the year for the exams to come again. And I'd sometimes go in and

see people… but now all of my friends weren't really talking to me and there were certain

classes I couldn't do, like maths, because I had temporarily paralysed arms and needed

to dictate in exams and apparently that's not possible in maths. I don't think that

I was going through something that was really hard and I just felt incredibly alone.

I took the exams at the end of the year and by then my own year group had left. But I

was still a year behind… but I was now too old to be allowed to go to school. So I was

And… I think I was doing an art diploma?

All I remember is that there were twins. And quite a few people were scary.

It was with other teenagers who hadn't managed to make it through school. Maybe it was meant

to be a therapeutic thing? I don't really know what happened to that… but I didn't

Maybe I was also doing some A Levels at the same time?

I think a teacher from my old school came to my house.

But I also have memories of doing two years of the English Literature A Level in one year.

And there was a lesbian in that class and a blonde girl.

I mean honestly, all I wanted was some pretty bokeh lights. Is that too much to ask for?

To be honest it is a good thing this light drama is happening because otherwise I'd

have to cry through this video and that would just be uncomfortable I guess.

Also I was on a long term hospital ward and it had an exercise bike with a really nice

chair seat and I'd just sit on that and peddle slowly as I read my course books over

Also I went to London for two months and filmed a TV show called Britain's Missing Top Model.

If you have even the slightest grasp of what the hell happened in my teenage years then

One of the things that kept me going, and I remember it so clearly, was the dream of

going to university. Before I got ill ( was always ill but 'iller', I suppose)- before

I was the type of girl who colour coded her wardrobe and made a chart in order to ensure

I never wore the same combination of clothes to school. Did anyone care or notice that

I wore a different, fabulous outfit every day? No. But I wasn't doing it for them.

And my life plans were equally meticulous.

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大学で「障害者」になること [CC] (Being ‘the disabled one’ in university [CC])

incredibly

basically

experience

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