字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント -Hello, everyone, and welcome back to my attic crawl space. Of course now that we've shifted our makeshift studio to this location, there's one question that has preoccupied our audience perhaps more than any other and that's, "What's up... What's up with that tiny little door over there?" I mean, is it where we keep the kids' toys? Or is it a Wonka door? And if it's a Wonka door, is the tiny chair -- right there -- is that for an Oompa Loompa, waiting to roll me away to the juicing room after eating an everlasting gobstopper? Who knows? The only thing I know is that I'll never tell. Anyway, you'll have plenty of time to speculate because we'll be doing these "Closer Looks" here for a while. Public health officials are urging Americans to continue observing social distancing rules even as the president and his son-in-law contradict those experts and spread dangerous misinformation. For more on this, it's time for "A Closer Look." ♪♪ Well, we're less than a week into the month of April. There's really no way of knowing what day it is. Every day is a week and every week is a year and now April just means -- I don't know -- Tuesday? The calendar app on my phone is just a shrug emoji holding a glass of wine. But if it is, in fact, April, then that's great news, because if you remember, when public health officials were first warning about the coming outbreak of the coronavirus, the President reassured us all by saying this. -The virus. They're working hard. Looks like, by April, you know, in theory, when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away. I hope that's true. Now, the virus that we're talking about having to do, you know, a lot of people think that goes away in April with the heat, as the heat comes in. Typically, that will go away in April. We're in great shape, though. -President Xi -- I know you spoke to him recently about coronavirus. -I did. -Some concerns that their economy is really going to tank because of this, and that that could have a spillover effect here. What's your sense of their transparency right now, whether they're being more accommodating in terms of telling us what's going on, and how it affects our economy? -Well, I think China is very, you know, professionally run in the sense that they have everything under control. I really believe they are going to have it under control fairly soon. You know, in April, supposedly, it dies with the hotter weather. And that's a beautiful date to look forward to. -First of all, you can tell my man spends too much time at Mar-A-Lago because he thinks April is when it gets hot. "In February, the trees begin to bloom, and by April, I mean, you can barely touch your steering wheel." But, yes, it's a beautiful day to look forward to. I remember when we all got that lovely save-the-date in the mail. By the way, the anchor who conducted that last interview was since fired Fox Business host Trish Regan who called coronavirus an impeachment scam. Remember her? Evil Connie Britton? "Friday Night Lights" would have been a totally different show with her. "Your team sucks, coach, and so do you. Also, it's high school football. Who cares? You know what I say? 'Dumb eyes, fat hearts can lose.' I'm outta wine." But credit to Fox News who will not hesitate to fire a host who peddles dangerous conspiracy theories as long as they're not Sean Insanity. Because Hannity will probably end his show tonight telling people that snorting Advil is both a cure for coronavirus and erectile dysfunction. And after that they'll give him a raise. "Great stuff with the Advil tonight, Sean. Where'd it come from?" "Would you believe I pulled it out of my ass?" "That ass of yours, Sean, it is a -- it is a bottomless gold mine. Keep up the great work." Now, in the time Trump was dismissing the virus and claiming it would go away, he was repeatedly warned by intelligence briefings that this was a real threat. And in that time, "The Washington Post" reported his administration was beset by 70 days of denial, delays, and dysfunction. 70 days. And that's charitable, because for Trump, you could say it's been 70 years of dysfunction. When he was born, the doctor spanked him on the butt to hear him cry, and instead, Trump called him nasty and served him with a lawsuit. "There's an expression I use -- 'wah.' Some people say I invented it." That's baby Trump. In a normal world, a story about a 70-day delay in the face of a pandemic would be cause for impeachment or removal or, at the very least, embarrassment and shame. But the President insisted that April would be the magic date so we could all just look forward to that. So let's check in on his daily mini-MAGA rally in the White House briefing room on Saturday to see how that prediction is working out. -This will be probably the toughest week between this week and next week. And there will be a lot of death, unfortunately. But a lot less death than if this wasn't done. But there will be death. -There will be death? That's kind of a 180. Everything was going to be fine, and now you sound like the captain of the wrestling team who just saw a nerd dancing with his girlfriend. "There will be death." [ Grunts ] It's a beer can. What happened to April? "It's become clear now that the end date we had been promised was, in fact, an April Fool's joke pulled on us by the virus. So now we know corona to be both highly contagious as well as mischievous in spirit. A Loki, if you will." Now, you might hear that new tone and think, "Oh, I guess the President, like any decent human being, has admitted he was wrong, made amends by doing everything he can to rectify the situation, and apologized." And if you are thinking that, congratulations on waking up from your 3 1/2 year coma, but bad news -- there's this thing called coronavirus. Anyway, your doctor will tell you. Because, as usual, Trump insisted that he was right when he said the virus would simply go away. -You look at those individual statements, they're all true. Stay calm. Uh, it will go away. You know -- You know it is going away. And it will go away. -The President was saying this was going to go away. It's April. -It is going to go away. -But, Mr. President, you said it was going to go away in April. -I didn't say a date. -I said it's going away, and it is going away. -Ah, yes, very clever. After all, April as 24 days left, and it's already down to, what -- I don't know -- 337,000 cases. And you did. You literally said it goes away in April. That's as close to specific as Trump ever gets. Usually when you ask him a question, he waves it away like a dad promising his kids a trip to Disneyland while watching football. "Dad, will we have universal healthcare?" "Yeah, it's going to be so easy, it's going to be a blast. Now go upstairs and oil your hair before dinner." And then, last week, the media fell for his fake somber Trump shtick and asked him if his thinking had changed from when he said the virus would go away in April. -Is there any fairness to the criticism that you may have lulled Americans into a false sense of security when you were saying things like it's going to go away... -Well, it is. -...and that sort of thing. -Jim, it's going away. -But when you were saying -- -It's going to go away. Hopefully at the end of the month and if not, it hopefully will be soon after that. -But -- -So it is going away. -Has your thinking on this evolved? -It is going away. -Has your thinking on this evolved? You're taking it more seriously now? -I think, from the beginning, my attitude was that we have to give this country -- I know how bad it was. All you have to do is look at what was going on in China. -First of all, no, you didn't know how bad it was. You treated coronavirus like a [bleep] high school baseball coach talking to a kid who just got hit by a line drive to the head. "How many fingers am I holding up?" "I don't know. 50?" "He's good to go! Get him back in there." Of course his thinking hasn't evolved. He's barely evolved. I mean, look at him, he looks like one of those early tetrapods that crawled out of the water and learned how to walk on land, but then he didn't learn how to hunt or fish so he ended up just walking around in circles like a dude waiting for a crosstown bus. "Anyone know when the M15 is coming? Canceled? Why? Because of coronavirus? But it's April." So Trump insists he was right when he said it would go away possibly by the end of this month. Now, you could either believe him or you could believe Bill Gates. -Well, this is a nightmare scenario because human-to-human transmissible respiratory viruses can grow exponentially. We continue countrywide, and we're testing the right people to understand what's going on, which is not the case yet, those numbers will start to go down. And then, we can look at some degree of opening back up. Things won't go back to truly normal until we have a vaccine that we've gotten out to basically the entire world. -So there you go. Who are you going to believe, the pioneer of the microcomputer revolution who founded Microsoft and is currently working on ending polio and malaria? Or the guy who once tweeted, "Victoria's Secret reps were nasty to Kate Upton, and now she's doing great." That tweet was from 2013, and while I don't know what it's about, I am genuinely, genuinely curious, and I intend to do some Google investigating as soon as this [bleep] pandemic is over. Also, why were you commenting on that? Is that what you used to spend your time on before you became president? "Mr. Trump, we're ready to shoot 'The Apprentice.'" "Yeah, quiet. I'm taking sides in Upton v. Secret." And now in part because the president waved away the problem for 70 days, we're facing both an unimaginable tragedy and also an economic collapse that has already resulted in the worst weekly jobless claims numbers we've ever seen, and yet Americans are still having trouble accessing government benefits. Just take this story from "The New York Times" about one applicant who saw jobless benefits and was told to find a fax machine. Some attempts to apply for benefits yielded a pop-up message that suggested using Netscape, a browser that effectively no longer exists. One applicant said he was taken aback to hear he had to find a fax machine to complete his claim. My God, it's 2020, in the richest country on Earth, but if you need government benefits you have to go on an early '90s treasure hunt. "Hey, guys, I found a clue. If financial aid you wish to get, find yourself a Giga Pet."