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  • Today is April 1,

  • known throughout the world as April Fools' day.

  • It's the perfect day to reveal a secret you've been keeping,

  • and if the person you tell reacts badly,

  • you can just pass it off as a prank.

  • "Honey, I've been sexting with your sister."

  • "What did you say?"

  • "Oh, April fools!" (laughs)

  • "Erase iPhone."

  • Now, this year, as you can imagine,

  • no one is in the mood to be pranked.

  • In fact, government around the globe,

  • including Thailand and Germany, have warned their citizens

  • not to spread hoaxes or to prank anybody

  • relating to the coronavirus.

  • And let's just take a moment

  • to realize how crazy things have gotten

  • that world leaders in countries like Germany are out here like,

  • "Guys, let's cool it with the coronavirus, yeah?

  • "Pranks this year... this year are not cool, okay?

  • "Don't be pranking anybody, okay? Yeah?

  • "You can't be, like, dunking your balls

  • "or telling people the virus cure is inside your butt

  • "and they have to smell your butt, okay?

  • "If you want someone to smell your butt,

  • "just ask them this year, all right?

  • No pranks, okay? Yeah? Yeah, good."

  • In other news,

  • there are now 900,000 confirmed coronavirus cases

  • around the globe, and what's disturbing

  • is that some countries are experiencing

  • a second wave of the crisis.

  • For instance, in Hong Kong,

  • they successfully social distanced,

  • saw their numbers drop,

  • relaxed their quarantine rules,

  • and now they've been hit with a new wave of infections.

  • Yeah. A new wave of coronavirus.

  • And I feel so bad for these Asian countries,

  • because whether it's coronavirus or Godzilla,

  • every time they think it's gone,

  • it comes back again for another movie.

  • Now, while some Asian countries

  • are dealing with a second wave of coronavirus,

  • other countries are dealing with a wave

  • of their own stupidity.

  • The Malaysian government was forced to apologize

  • after they issued guidelines which told wives

  • that they should not be nagging their husbands too much

  • during quarantine.

  • Which is obviously incredibly sexist.

  • But also, people, as stressful as quarantine is,

  • this is not the time for husbands and wives

  • to be fighting each other, all right?

  • Husbands and wives need to come together

  • to fight the true enemy: their kids.

  • Don't let those cute faces fool you.

  • They'll shit right on your lap and laugh while doing it.

  • Meanwhile, back here in the United States,

  • coronavirus cases have now passed the 200,000 mark,

  • and the number of deaths has reached 4,000,

  • doubling in just three days.

  • But one thing I love about America

  • is that even in the most difficult times,

  • there are always people who try and find joy.

  • Neighbors in Buffalo, New York, are getting outside.

  • They're having a block party every night,

  • dancing together while keeping their social distance.

  • Looks like fun.

  • Tell me that's not sweet, huh?

  • I love this for so many reasons.

  • One, it's amazing to see people

  • finding ways to connect with others

  • while keeping their physical distance.

  • And seeing this many white people dancing offbeat,

  • it almost makes me feel like the world is back to normal again.

  • I miss those days.

  • And also, that is my dream party that they were having.

  • Yeah. A party where you can go out on your front step,

  • dance for a little bit,

  • and then when you're ready to leave,

  • all you have to do is turn around,

  • and then you're back home. Sign me up.

  • But let's move on to the big story,

  • the White House.

  • Or, as they call it in D.C., the bad part of town.

  • The big story right now is that President Trump,

  • who usually treats his daily briefings

  • like the last scene in Scarface,

  • came out yesterday and acted for the first time ever

  • like he had also been reading the news.

  • NEWSMAN: President Trump just moments ago with a somber tone.

  • President Trump is taking this darker tone.

  • NEWSMAN 2: He was as grim as he's been

  • through this entire crisis.

  • I want every American to be prepared

  • for the hard days that lie ahead.

  • We're gonna go through a very tough two weeks.

  • You're gonna start seeing some real light

  • at the end of the tunnel, but this is gonna be

  • a very painful...

  • very, very painful two weeks.

  • Goddamn.

  • Donald Trump for the first time

  • at least sounds like he's afraid of this virus.

  • And if he's taking it seriously,

  • then we should be really scared.

  • 'Cause, I mean, this guy takes nothing seriously.

  • This is the same dude who stared at an eclipse

  • like it was a Magic Eye painting.

  • The same dude who sang "Hakuna Matata"

  • when he assassinated a general in Iran.

  • The same dude who responded to a hurricane

  • with a paper towel three-point contest.

  • So this is a side of Donald Trump

  • we don't often get.

  • I haven't seen Trump this somber

  • since Maury told him that he was Eric's father.

  • And if the president is finally treating the crisis

  • with a little more respect,

  • maybe it's because of the numbers.

  • Right? The White House has just released

  • their first official projections of coronavirus deaths,

  • and they are terrifying.

  • Dr. Birx and Dr. Fauci said that according to their numbers,

  • even if America did everything right,

  • we could still see 100,000 to 240,000 deaths

  • from coronavirus.

  • And I don't care what anybody says.

  • That is a staggering number.

  • Even Call of Duty. If you saw that many deaths,

  • you'd be like, "Uh, I think I've been playing this game too much.

  • I'm gonna switch to Animal Crossing for a while."

  • But while the president may finally be grasping

  • the gravity of this outbreak, he and his allies

  • continue to make excuses

  • for why it took him so long to respond.

  • Mitch McConnell, yeah. He said that impeachment

  • diverted the attention of the government.

  • Do you think that in any way...

  • This was happening and building at the same time.

  • Did it divert your attention or your team's attention

  • or the vice president's attention?

  • Well, I don't like to think I did.

  • I think I handled it very well, but I guess it probably did.

  • I mean, I got impeached.

  • I think, you know, I certainly devoted

  • a little time to thinking about it, right?

  • So, you know, when you say that, yeah.

  • Ah, yes. In classic Trump fashion,

  • the president wants to have it both ways.

  • "I acted properly with corona,

  • "but I was also distracted by impeachment.

  • "But my response has been perfect,

  • but impeachment is why I messed up."

  • And I got to say, if Trump was so easily distracted

  • from dealing with the looming pandemic, then that's bad news.

  • 'Cause then America basically has a puppy as its president.

  • Yeah. One little thing can distract him.

  • Next time America wants to invade Iraq,

  • they should just throw a Frisbee by Trump's head

  • and that'll distract him for a month.

  • "It went that way."

  • And it's funny how Trump and McConnell are trying

  • to make it seem like the government stopped in its tracks

  • because of impeachment.

  • Because the truth is Trump still found plenty of time

  • to do the things that he wanted to do

  • while impeachment was happening.

  • He imposed new restrictions on immigration.

  • He increased sanctions on Iran.

  • He unveiled a new peace plan for Israel and the Palestinians.

  • And, of course, he had a lot of time to play a shit ton of golf.

  • So unless he was searching for coronavirus in a sand trap,

  • I don't think this excuse checks out.

  • And impeachment isn't the only excuse that Trump has used

  • to try and explain why it took him so long

  • to try and stop the coronavirus outbreak.

  • He also blamed China

  • for covering up the seriousness of coronavirus.

  • And, yes, and, yes, it is true

  • China did censor information about this disease

  • in its early stages and that didn't help.

  • But President Trump was warned about coronavirus

  • by his advisors as early as January 18,

  • and he dismissed it for months.

  • So, as much as Trump wants to blame China

  • for downplaying the virus,

  • he himself ignored all the messages

  • that his experts were giving him.

  • And he didn't ignore them once.

  • He didn't ignore them twice.

  • He ignored them countless times.

  • Like, if we were back in bible times,

  • Trump would have heard the burning bush

  • and then just thrown water on it.

  • "Ah, finally. That bush was so annoying.

  • So, to try and avoid taking responsibility

  • for the government's slow response to coronavirus,

  • Trump has blamed impeachment and China.

  • But, as always,

  • there's only one person who Trump loves to blame

  • for everything that goes wrong in his life,

  • Barack Hussein Obama.

  • You see, Trump has claimed

  • that the reason America fell so far behind other countries

  • when it came to coronavirus testing

  • is because of rules that the Obama administration made.

  • Now, the only thing is

  • nobody has been able to find

  • these rules that Trump is talking about.

  • So that means either Trump is lying, which is unlikely,

  • or it means Obama did block Trump from doing the tests.

  • But then he hid his evidence

  • in the same place that he hid his birth certificate.

  • Magical Kenyan strikes again.

  • So, Trump is still making excuses

  • for not reacting sooner to this crisis.

  • But on the upside,

  • it seems like he's at least starting to act

  • like he's taking the threat of this pandemic

  • a little more seriously.

  • And I hope he is taking it seriously,

  • because-- let's be real--

  • this is still Donald Trump, people.

  • All right?

  • I wouldn't be shocked if he acted like this,

  • and then tomorrow he comes out, like, "April fools!

  • "I'll see you losers on Easter.

  • Did you see me? I acted sad."

  • (chuckles)

  • Well, that's our show for today.

  • Before we go, we want to keep reminding you

  • that doctors and nurses out there need our help

  • to get the protective gear that they need.

  • So please, if you can help,

  • go to Thrive Global's FirstRespondersFirst

  • and donate whatever you can

  • to help them get PPE,

  • so that the people saving lives right now

  • can protect themselves.

  • And if you want to help in New York specifically,

  • you can go to New York Mayor's Fund COVID-19 Response

  • and donate there.

  • Stay safe out there. Wash your hands.

  • Remember to change your underwear at least once a week.

  • And I'll see you again tomorrow.

Today is April 1,

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トランプ氏の "新調 "コロナウイルスについて|日刊ゲンダイショー (Trump’s “New Tone” On Coronavirus | The Daily Social Distancing Show)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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