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  • This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing 'Citation Needed'.

  • Joining me today, he reads books y'know, it's Chris Joel.

  • 'Ey up.

  • Everybody's favourite Gary Brannan, Gary Brannan.

  • Here's a thought: earlier today, Noel Edmonds was entirely naked.

  • Just imagine.

  • And standing in for Matt Gray, the mouth from the south, Will Seaward.

  • Hello!

  • I'm not from Yorkshire.

  • Get him out(!)

  • In front of me I've got an article from Wikipedia, and these folks can't see it.

  • Every fact they get right is a point and a ding,

  • and there's a special prize for particularly good answers, which is:

  • Today, we are talking about Julie d'Aubig..

  • d'Aubig?...

  • D'Aubigny.

  • This is it.

  • Forty minutes of this, try and stay with us.

  • To be fair, I am not French.

  • And if...

  • No way.

  • Really?

  • If I were English, I'd pronounce this as der-orb-ig-ny,

  • but I think it's d'Aubigny.

  • D'Aubigny sounds fine.

  • Let's go with d'Aubigny, yes.

  • Better known as Mademoiselle Maupin.

  • Mopin.

  • Moppin.

  • I'm not French.

  • This is going to be

  • It's a French article.

  • I'll be honest, it's downhill from here.

  • The whole thing's not in French, is it?

  • No, it's not.

  • M-A-U-P-I-N.

  • P-I-N?

  • Maupin.

  • Mau-pin.

  • Madame Maupin.

  • Was she a mistress of Louis XIV?

  • It's a long list, if it is.

  • Let's face it(!)

  • Born to Gaston d'Aubigny, a secretary to the Master of the Horse...

  • for King Louis XIV.

  • It's not close enough to have a point,

  • but she was certainly-

  • A secretary for a horse, would you believe?

  • [whinnies] "Take that down.

  • "Read it back?"

  • [whinnies] "Sir, I know it's very sad, but why the long face?"

  • You're absolutely right that she was a mistress, but to a Count.

  • So I'm going to give you a point for that.

  • To the... oh, god.

  • A mistress to-

  • French names.

  • Count d'Armagnac?

  • D'Armagnac.

  • Tom, what have you done to yourself?

  • It's not gone well. It's not gone well.

  • D'Armagnac. Go on.

  • Became a mistress by the age of 14, because pre-French Revolution.

  • But by that point, she had learned a lot of things,

  • by learning alongside the court pages.

  • Okay.

  • Is that an artful euphemism?

  • No, it's not.

  • Is it an artless euphemism?

  • No, her father trained the court pages.

  • So what did Julie learn alongside them?

  • Words.

  • I'll give you a point.

  • Numbers.

  • Yes, reading as well.

  • Standing very still.

  • Going "ooh" at the right moment, when the king comes in.

  • Yes, all that kind of stuff.

  • Polishing pointy bits of gold chairs.

  • There's a couple of other skills that a page would have in those days.

  • Carrying things.

  • Putting things down.

  • Something a little more violent.

  • Swording!

  • Yes.

  • Swording!

  • Which is an artless euphemism.

  • Swording.

  • She learned to fence, and then dressed as a boy from an early age.

  • She got involved with an assistant fencing master.

  • The police were then looking for him, to arrest him.

  • What had he done?

  • You know he's got a sword in his hand?

  • Yeah.

  • You know he waves it around in a violent fashion?

  • Mm.

  • Did he - perchance and taking a puntdid he stab someone?

  • Yes.

  • I'm looking for something specific here.

  • What might be a reason for stabbing someone, pre-Revolution?

  • Being slightly upset.

  • In which case, you would do what?

  • - Oh, a duel! - Stab 'em!

  • A duel! You'd fight a duel.

  • Yes.

  • The man she was involved with killed a man in an illegal duel,

  • so they fled the city, to Marseilles.

  • How did she earn her living on the way south?

  • Fighting for money.

  • Yes.

  • F***!

  • Giving fencing exhibitions, and also, singing.

  • She was a talented singer.

  • Singing and fencing at the same time would be a hell of an act, wouldn't it?

  • Opera.

  • Which I believe had been invented at that point.

  • And not only that; she joined an opera company.

  • Have a point.

  • For full operatic effect, did she die of tuberculosis at the end?

  • We've seen very different versions of Aida.

  • Made it to Marseilles.

  • Grew bored of her lover.

  • Not what I thought you were going to say.

  • Grew bored of this humdrum, dull life of opera singing and fencing.

  • Decides to become an accountant.

  • She ran away somewhere, and she ran away with someone.

  • To Nice.

  • With a man from Nice(!)

  • Right, you are wrong about Nice, and you are also wrong about a man.

  • With a woman!

  • Yes.

  • From a place that isn't Nice!

  • I'm not giving you a point for that, but it's Avignon.

  • So yes.

  • Oh, I was going to say Poitiers. So close.

  • But she was running away,

  • because the girl was sent away by her parents.

  • Where was the other girl sent to?

  • A convent?

  • Yes, absolutely right.

  • So she followed, entering the convent, and-

  • With swords.

  • Let's face it, you get in most places

  • if you turn up waving swords around, singing opera.

  • No, she went into the convent,

  • and then tried to free her lover from the convent.

  • This is a hell of an opera in itself, let's face it.

  • I like to think that everybody is singing all the way through this.

  • Yes, I do.

  • It's a full-on Rodgers and Hammerstein, this.

  • Could we talk through the plan, the scheme that she went through,

  • the heist that she pulled?

  • And it's quite a dark heist,

  • Did it involve swords?

  • to get her and her lover out of the convent.

  • Did the nuns have swords?

  • Er, not to my knowledge, although-

  • "Bloodbath at convent!"

  • But frankly, 'Sister Act 3', it's going to be absolutely amazing.

  • But then it should have been a very easy heist!

  • "Give me my ...ing lover, or I'll chop you all to pieces."

  • As negotiating tactics go, it's normally successful, I find.

  • Well, they were trying to cover their tracks.

  • What kind of scheme would you pull to do that?

  • You would pretend to be a doctor.

  • And you'd say, "This nun has a terrible disease!

  • "All of you will get the disease.

  • She must come with me immediately."

  • And the nuns would go, "Oh, a doctor has said so."

  • Then the doctor would also have a sword, and they

  • Yes, and they were listening, because he wasSINGING ♪!

  • And then we have the interval.

  • That's the way it goes.

  • Er, no.

  • She would pretend to be a policeman.

  • and she would say, "This nun has committed a terrible crime!

  • "She must come with me immediately."

  • But she was charged, in absentia,

  • for kidnapping, bodysnatching, and arson.

  • So based on that, what was the heist?

  • Oh, s***.

  • So you take a dead body, replace your lover with it,

  • then burn the whole place down to cover the tracks.

  • Damn!

  • What worries me is that your mind went straight to that.

  • Does this s*** count as a confession?

  • There's no DNA evidence, darling(!)

  • She escaped from that.

  • The affair lasted three months,

  • before the girl returned to her family, and then she left for Paris.

  • What happened in Paris?

  • And I'm deliberately phrasing that vaguely, because it's kind of a repeat.

  • Did she dig up the entirere Lachaise Cemetery,

  • and burn Paris to the ground?

  • It's a repeat of something we've already talked about.

  • Something with swords?

  • Yes, definitely.

  • It's a sword thing, from this lady, I'm guessing.

  • Yes.

  • Catastrophic juggling accident.

  • Oh, did she challenge someone to a duel?

  • Yes, you're absolutely right.

  • She was insulted by a young nobleman, fought a duel with him,

  • put a blade through his shoulder.

  • Whoa.

  • Awesome.

  • Was he pinned to a tree in a comical-

  • No, it was just a vicious injury, Gary!

  • It wasn't a cartoon thing, where he was going,

  • "Well, this is inconvenient.

  • "I'm stapled to this tree now."

  • "I'll fight with the other arm!"

  • The cool thing about duels, duelling is really addictive.

  • Bismarck, I think, when he was a student,

  • he was also addicted to duelling.

  • He would walk-

  • Bit unfair though: six 14" guns against a man with a sword.

  • Well, no.

  • He'd walk around the street,

  • wearing two cudgels, six pistols and two swords

  • and a dressing gown.

  • And he'd wander around, going, "Yeah, fight me. Fight me. I'm Bismarck."

  • That's a very different Big Lebowski, isn't it?

  • Duelling, once it got later, was a really formal event.

  • - Yes. - What would they be wearing?

  • You're normally just in a shirt, aren't you, as I understand it?

  • No, we're talking, for this at least, much later.

  • This is German military, 19th century.

  • Oh, your full kit, no doubt.

  • Armour?

  • Well, you wouldn't be in armour.

  • They wouldn't have armour at that point.

  • You'd have a breastplate.

  • Well, wasn't the early German thing that you duelled, growing up,

  • or you fenced, growing up, to get good gnarly scars, didn't they?

  • Yes, you're absolutely right.

  • They would fight with a mask and a thick scarf, so you couldn't-

  • Ah, so that you could only get this bit.

  • You could only get that bit.

  • So it was essentially ritual scarification.

  • Awesome.

  • Scars were judged by Otto von Bismarck to be a sign of bravery.

  • Men's courage could be judgedand there's a quote here

  • "by the number of scars on their cheeks".

  • Oh, cracking. I'm well away.

  • Did he specify which cheeks?

  • How would you duel?

  • I've just got this image of the sword....

  • "Oh, I see. I've got a very wrong idea about this."

  • I've just got two men backing up against each other,

  • with a sword, kind of, "Thunk. Thunk."

  • Only one end of the sword would go, "thunk."

  • The other one would go...

  • It's marvellous, the thought of Bismarck stood there in his dressing gown,

  • cudgels, hand grenades and cannons,

  • and someone else reverses bent over, round the corner.

  • "Well, we're doing it this way. Fair enough.

  • "I've never been beaten by a more worthy adversary."

  • At which point, it turns out the guy's got a cannon up there.

  • Er, yes, scars, for God's sake(!)

  • Scars were usually targeted to the left profile.

  • Okay.

  • Oh, look at you with your, "I'm handsome for 19th century warring Germany" face.

  • You know what?

  • I'll take that.

  • I will take that.

  • It does explain the haircut.

  • And the Pickelhaube.

  • Can we have a big thing that goes across the bottom of the screen that says,

  • "Do not try this at home?"

  • Yes, I think...

  • "unless someone has insulted you and you want a duel?

  • "In which case, that's fine, but remember, we mean the other cheeks.

  • "Yeah?"

  • So yes, going back, pre-French Revolution, back to Julie,

  • Oh, yeah!

  • Who duelled by stabbing someone with a sword.

  • This doesn't sound much like a duel.

  • This more sounds like a very quick stabbing.

  • She was a very good duellist, by all accounts.

  • Well, excellent, obviously, yeah.

  • He was Louis-Joseph d'Albert de Luynes, son of the Duke of Luynes.

  • "He killed my father. Prepare to die."

  • Quite the opposite.

  • One of his companions came to offer his apologies.

  • "He resurrected my father?

  • "Prepare to live?"

  • Okay, when I say the opposite, I mean in more general terms.

  • It was more that they certainly weren't enemies after this.

  • Is there more about... just before we go onto this guy,

  • is there more about him, other than this incident?

  • Because I would hate to be, myself, one of those people in history

  • that's only remembered as being the guy that got stabbed through a shoulder,

  • and potentially stuck to a tree,

  • by that lady that pretended to be a nun,

  • who sang opera, that burnt the convent down.

  • 'Cos that's not a great way to be remembered, let's face it.

  • For one thing, you can't write all that on just the one tombstone.

  • Yeah, both sides.

  • There is not another reference in here.

  • This appears to be the one reference to the man in history.

  • "How do they remember me? ...oh, you're kidding. Come on!"

  • If it hadn't been that, he would have been remembered for being the innately hilarious

  • son of the Duke of Loins!

  • ...I'm probably mispronouncing that.

  • I'm choosing to believe you're not!

  • It's L-U-Y-N-E-S.

  • So if there's any French speakers in here who can

  • Loins!.

  • Loins it is then.

  • Duke of Loins.

  • There's no advance from the audience.

  • What happened, though, after he recovered?

  • And, by the way, and after he sent his apologies?

  • Oh, good man.

  • I imagine he went, "Ow," quite frequently, for a while.

  • Did his golf take some time to recover?

  • Was there physiotherapy involved?

  • Is this back to swording as an artless euphemism?

  • Did they marry?

  • You're closer, yes.

  • They never married, but they became lovers, and, later, lifelong friends.

  • How can you...!

  • "Oh, remember that time I stabbed you in the shoulder?"

  • "Ah, that's how we met!"

  • Works for me.

  • I'm going to point out, she is still in her late teens at this point.

  • That's nails.

  • We are not in the section, yet, that says, 'Adult Life.'

  • You know when you're at home and you think to yourself,

  • "How is my life going?"

  • Do you ever hear articles like this and think,

  • "I have not achieved enough in life?"

  • Well, how old was she?

  • Late teens?

  • By 19, at no point had I tried to burn a convent down with a corpse inside it.

  • She is somewhere between 17 and 20 at this point, but we don't know if-

  • Oh, well, that's different.

  • By 19, I was all about that, yes.

  • She was hired by the Paris Opera.

  • In full knowledge that she was pretty handy while she was doing it.

  • Oh, no, as a doorman!

  • Can you just imagine when she got appointed at the opera,

  • the CRB check she must've had when she got in?

  • "What do we have?

  • "Well, a little bit of shoplifting when you were 12.

  • "I'm sure that's all done now...

  • "Burning down a convent and stealing a body to burn down said convent, now that was not-"

  • She only set the room on fire; she didn't burn down the entire convent.

  • Oh, well that's alright then.

  • Five years later, she's still the talk of Paris.

  • She's still well known- thank you for those effects.

  • At a society ball, there was a scandal.

  • Turned up as a bloke.

  • Left with a woman.

  • Reverted to being a woman.

  • Burnt the place down when somebody said, "Oi."

  • One of those things is right,

  • but it was a broad, blunderbuss attempt there.

  • So let's try Gary.

  • Singing opera.

  • Throws sword.

  • Stabs man.

  • Room on fire.

  • None of those.

  • So based on those two-

  • Come on, Will.

  • She pretended to be a doctor.

  • And she went around the ballroom, going,

  • "Everyone here has a terrible disease!

  • "You must all come with me."

  • What I like about it, in my imagination,

  • she's dressed as an opera singer.

  • She's got swords down each leg, so she's a bit stiff in walking,

  • and has a stethoscope.

  • Chris, you actually said vaguely the right words there.

  • She kissed a young woman at a society ball.

  • What happened immediately after that?

  • She had a duel with the entire society ball.

  • Yes, she was challenged to duels by three separate noblemen,

  • so I'll give you a point for that.

  • What did she do that night?

  • Er, beat them all in duels.

  • What was illegal in Paris, at that point?

  • Duelling more than two people in an evening.

  • It was considered greedy.

  • Just duelling, in particular.

  • So she now has to flee Paris, because she's also wanted there.

  • Mate, I'd say Marseilles now.

  • I think we're going there.

  • I think she went to Marseilles!

  • Brussels.

  • Re-joins the opera, and the final years of her career here

  • were spent in a relationship with, well, who?

  • Anyone brave enough.

  • Madame la Marquise de Florensac.

  • I'm, again, butchering all the French in here.

  • Well, that's what she was doing with the swords, to be honest.

  • That's taken time.

  • That's excellent.

  • Ugly four that just reached the rope, yeah.

  • On her death, she was inconsolable.

  • She retired from the opera, and then took refuge where?

  • Not a convent...?

  • She died at the age of 33, has no known grave, and is a legendary figure.

  • That window needs just a gentle tap on it now, doesn't it?

  • With a point of a sword, just to come through...

  • So at the end of the show, congratulations Will, you win this one.

  • Yay!

  • You win a Greek philosopher's Mexican salamander speed control.

  • Oh!

  • Aristotle axolotl something throttle.

  • Yes!

  • An Aristotle axolotl throttle.

  • Congratulations, Will.

  • With that, we say thank you to Chris Joel,

  • to Gary Brannan,

  • to Will Seaward.

  • I've been Tom Scott, and we'll see you next time.

  • Goodnight!

This is the Technical Difficulties, we're playing 'Citation Needed'.

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ジュリー・ドビニーと決闘の傷跡引用元: 6x04 (Julie D'Aubigny and Dueling Scars: Citation Needed 6x04)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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