I was doing well.

I don't know if that's possible, given the circumstances, but I hope you're hanging in there and I hope you're staying safe and staying home.

And I wish I had, like, useful advice were meaningful things to say when it seems like no matter what anybody says in this situation like, it's not really helpful because none of us know what's going on.

Anyways.

I wanted to make this video because I just want to give you guys a quick update that I'm no longer going to be posting on a strictly weekly basis anymore.

Most of you are really like cool.

You didn't need to make a whole video about that.

You could have just done that and nobody would have cared.

But I know some of you guys have been along on my channel journey for quite some time, and, you know, I have been posting videos every single Thursday for like, three years now.

I've taken a lot of pride in uploading every single week for so many years because I have always just wanted to prove that I'm not lazy is that I take this seriously and that this is a job and I wanted to be consistent and be professional.

But when I haven't accounted for is that over the past three years my videos have gone from like, Ah, three minute outfit video that I shot on a little log camera in between classes and then edited in three hours to like a 40 minute room makeover or a 20 minute video that I spent a day planning and several days shooting and then another four days editing.

Essentially, the effort that I put into a video has increased like tenfold, and I've tried to maintain putting out the same frequency, a video one every single week, and the math doesn't really add up anymore.

So I hope that you guys believe me when I say that I'm gonna be working just as hard.

And I have been working just as hard.

If anything, I have been sleeping less and letting work consume even more of my life than I ever have before.

And I would like Thio rebounds that out a little bit and give myself the time that I need to make the deals that I'm proud of.

A lot of YouTubers at this point, end up hiring an editor or camera crew or both, or like multiple editors to try to help them with the workload, because a lot of people don't know.

But editing a video really, really does take an insane amount of ours.

But quite frankly, I don't want to do that.

I love being able Thio make videos that are really and truly my own.

I love being the person who likes Set some high tripod and the person who just lighting and the person on the camera and the person editing every single second of the video.

I enjoy that creative process.

That's when I went to school for, and I don't want to export that to somebody else to make my own life easier, that I could upload more videos.

But the videos feel less like Neeson is the whole fucking point.

I don't know.

I want to make videos the way I want to make him, and I think the best way to stick by that for now is to have a little bit more flexibility built into my upload schedule.

Something that's been really frustrating recently has been, you know, working on a video all week, and then it comes to like Thursday at 5 p.m. And I still don't have my video quite ready.

I want to continue making edits.

I want to continue improving it, but that I beat myself up for not having it done in time when in reality, I'm doing a better job by spending more time on the video and making something that I'm really proud of.

So yeah, I'm just kind of tired of of beating myself up over that.

And I would rather be able to put out videos when I think that they already and that I really like them.

I'm no good work, takes a lot of time.

It's hard to stick by that in the Internet when everybody just tries to put out things as soon as possible or look as busy as possible.

You think I feel about like I feel guilty when I'm not visibly busy, but often times the times I'm working the hardest are the times that you guys don't even see anything where I just disappear, like three days to edit because I'm genuinely working or I'm writing or I'm testing out a new camera and I want time for that.

That being said, I'm not, like disappeared off the face of the earth here and there.

I just want an extra week such as this leak when I've been editing my New York Fashion Week video, and I'm trying to end it in this really interesting like a documentary slash of long style.

I have a bunch of interviews with, like, editors and models, and I want to create a really I just want to make a good you know, and good things take time.

So just hear their I want that extra time to edit video or to plan a really long term project or to get creative and to have room Thio, you know, experiment and push myself because like that, that is why I thrive on I promise you guys, I could continue making the same boring ass fashion video every single week for eternity and hitting my weekly deadlines.

But my brain would literally shrivel inside me, and I would just like Kate my life because I wouldn't be challenging myself, and I wouldn't be making anything new and exciting.

So another factor, admittedly, has been that recently.

My mental health has been a little bit more rocky, and it's not something that I like to talk about in great detail.

Maybe because I don't want to monetize my own mental health struggles.

Maybe because I have a lot of internalized stigma.

Maybe it's Maybelline, I don't know.

But yes, since I graduated that have been not uncommon amount of weeks where I'm like crying in bed.

And then I, like, pick myself up and put on my makeup.

And like my happy face for money Dios and for my own sake, I don't think I want to do that as much because I would like to you, you know, maybe take that time to, like, see a therapist or get actual help rather than trying to, like, fix my brain by just working Maur and Maurin distracting myself.

So, yeah, that's kind of the whole the whole update.

I apologize if this comes at a terrible time, because I know that more than ever, people are looking to the Internet for a way to pass the time in a sense of normalcy and just have, like, fun, upbeat stuff to watch.

And I apologize that this wasn't that and also I feel stupid for making this video because there are people so many people who literally don't have jobs right now and it can't they their rent.

And here I am being like, I'm gonna post a little bit less frequently like I don't know.

I know that doesn't detract from that, but I still feel like it.

Don't ask.

You know, I well aware my problems are about the smallest problems that anybody has in the world right now.

But I have been wanting to make this update for about, like, six months now.

And I thought that today I finally had the balls to do it.

I know this isn't like that big of a deal, but for some reason, to me, it still feels like a really big deal that I still feel like.

For some reason, people are gonna think that I'm incredibly lazy and be like, uh, you're on awful human being, actually, because you're not posting coitus frequently anymore.

That's what goes on in my head.

Anyway, thank you guys for watching.

Thank you for sticking around.