It's been a long while.

Um, I'm sorry for that.

Uh, yeah, like, I haven't been making a lot of videos, and I just want to say, First of all, I'm sorry for that, but I just wanted to let you guys know kind of what is going on with my life.

Um, I think maybe it would been therapeutic, or it would be therapeutic for me to tell you guys.

I'm not sure I might not even post this video.

Not sure we'll see, but I'm I'm not that okay, I'm not super great.

I'm not feeling great and and to tell you how it started, but it started, like, probably two months ago.

Um, I kind of said I burnt out in one video, but I said it really like briefly.

So maybe that was like my cry for help.

I don't know, but I burnt out because Yeah, just like doing videos and working, you know, it is pretty much like 24 hours, like thinking about work or doing videos, and it kind of took a toll on me, you know?

I mean, like, the best, the best way I can explain it is like Imagine if you had a hard day at work, then you know you could come back home.

You know, some people grab a beer, watch Netflix, or did you still don't want to anything but more for me.

Maybe it was like the artificial stress that I'd pull myself.

I didn't allow myself to do that because I told myself, You know, the more time you waste, the less you know output, you can get to work or videos.

So if I had a hard day at work and maybe at work extra hours like yes, I might be doing a bit more at work.

But then I was like, Oh, by losing hours from my videos because, you know, without these hours, I can't I can't post that the same cadence are the same quality and stuff like that.

So I really put this artificial stress on me, and I just couldn't do anymore.

So I decided to just take a break, right.

I took a break, but that made it even worse.

I guess it's because I had time to think about my life or like my decision, my choices, and for some reason.

I just I just started to get really sad and starting to doubt myself down with confidence.

Like I started, like losing confidence.

I was doubting my job.

I was doubting my videos.

I was doubting me as a person.

And then it was Count, like this vicious circle that made me like more, more the gun like I don't want to say at the lake.

It made me feel like the press, right?

Like I googled some symptoms in life, you know?

Why is it so hard to wake up?

I feel like nothing is fun anymore.

And then you're alone and as symptoms of depression.

But I don't want to say it's depression.

Aly, I don't think I have it, But maybe just like a sadness thing, but and I also don't like using that word because maybe, like, you know, I feel like I'm using it sparingly and also because it makes it more rial.

You know, if I use that word, but but basically I feel like I feel like I haven't been myself in a while, and I really miss, like, six months ago, where where everything was great.

You know, I love my job.

I love making videos.

I love entertaining you guys.

I love interacting with you guys.

And I thought the solution of my burnout was too.

Okay, let's take a chill.

And then I started, you know, not common thing as much.

I started, I started.

Not like I didn't post on my social media's anymore.

I start posting less videos and that I also had, like, all these expensive videos that had to do.

But I really didn't want to do them.

But I had to.

Rights is like a contract, so I still did them.

But But I told myself like, Oh, after doing that, I could finally make videos.

I want me.

But by that time, like, I just didn't feel like myself anymore, right?

I felt I felt I don't feel confident.

I didn't find joy making videos anymore, or at least like it was so hard for me to start because it's I feel like it's something that haven't done in a while.

No, and now I'm like, I'm just trying to get back into being myself, and it seems permanently, honestly, like it seems really permanent, like what I'm feeling right now.

But I know, it's not like I know it's not, but yeah, that's how I feel right now and sucks.

Because, like, you know, in my mind, it's like, old man.

I'm not posting videos.

I'm just gonna become irrelevant and stuff like that.

But, I mean, I gotta fix myself first.

Rightly, it's I put these artificial stress on me, and then it just becomes so sad.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

You guys have to hear this, but yeah, I mean, I there's a lot of things I missed.

You know, this court chats, my life videos.

Those were really fun.

All the names I made, like the hints in water games.

I really miss those.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, I guess that's why I want to tell you guys just a little update.

My life.

Um, I really want to make more videos, but with my mood right now, it's kind of really hard.

I feel like I have to for me, I have to be in a very good state, you know, like a very happy state to kind of like me videos because, like, no, when you're so sad and like kind of the press, it's kind of really hard to force yourself to make certain things rightly seem happy, but yeah, I mean, E, I think that's it.

That's what I want to tell you guys.

But I don't know.

Thanks for watching.

Yeah.