It says here that used to make people laugh at school by playing a Hawaiian tune on your nose.

Yeah.

Is that it's not real way here that you want.

Ladies and gentlemen, Johnny Vegas on the nose.

Wait.

Everything's ouzo anymore today.

You know why?

Because you're fucking horrible.

But if you knew what a terrible, horrible drink it waas and the terrible damage it causes No.

You know what?

You can actually my dentist tillman it.

You have two options.

You can floss or drink.

This is the new one.

OK, It's called booze.

Oh, you know what you're getting?

What is it?

Do you get your shit face makes you sick.

So I called it booze.

Oh, it's a bastard in the glass.

That's what happens when you drink.

Well, let's see if it works.

No, no.

Speed a liter of it to Johnny.

I just want this we run.

Should use, you know, being a park.

You seem to be wearing quite a similar outfit, Weathers, because it's winter out there.

So I thought I'd wear a summer shirt.

Oh, because you're onedio for trouble.

So what is allowing the viewers to do is travel through his life.

You've gone for this?

A similar sort of.

Yeah, I've done it because once I get turned up with a branded T shirt that your producers wouldn't let me work.

Option was a nine year old show just to upset like Lydia Jackson.

Just try.

I don't see how you feel crying because my life hasn't quite gone too.

So I'm gonna just very quickly, Very simply.

What's so funny?

I took You know what I know?

Now you see, on the port, always trying to do Jimmy is get away from the trick is to show a boat, you know, to push it out wide.

But no, I'm gonna second bring it on.

Oh, d'oh!

I gift.

Wait, no, you're a wonderful person.

I'm not gonna make the angles quick.

You may want to help me out of trouble.

Squeeze that.

Okay, I'm saying two.

She had not come over there.

Come to Papa.

I just work here.

Work.

Just say that's nice right now.

I'm gonna just you to start the 2nd 1 Remember what I've taught you.

Well, I'm not saying that's it.

Yeah, I've been a water watch.

Come on.

Look what you've done to the end.

Save me.

Jesus Christ.

Come on.

It's a party, not Paul.

Sit down right on.

Then we just time to go across to dictionary corner.

Johnny, what have you got for us?

I've got something developing here.

I've made it a prototype.

I'm guessing this is for when you're elected Supreme Leader.

Jimmy has a multitude of uses.

Um, but usedto we're short.

I don't like people who buy counts glasses and put them lions up.

Come.

But I'm gonna have two of these.

I decided to get past just so people know we're the fucking dealing with function is a hat.

Johnny, could you wait, Can, you know, put me with it?

It just looks like I'm allergic to seafood.

Theo doesn't go well.

Okay, You deserve it's everyone I've got Quite big Master.

Can I get one of them all in?

I can't take the story's off.

That might choke me.

You wanna get rid of the free?

That could be good for you.

No, no, wait.

You just yes way haven't quite finished just a little bit.

Thio e.

I wouldn't just be on the bench next.

Help you.

Good.

Now, father, Why must we clean everything up?

Her mother comes home.

You know what while Johnny?

Oh, yeah, Just the one.

Now, if you've ever wondered what type two diabetes would look like if it came to life and got a job in show business, it's Johnny Vegas.

You know, I actually got invited to talk at a conference.

I'm living with diabetes and I don't love it.

I just presumed that I would have because of my good Johnny Vegas there who doesn't know he has diabetes moment.

Go in the loo 19 times a day on I like sugar.

It makes me sleep.

I've been told that smell better from behind than I do from the front Wants or use my more Wondering what Ugo journey from behind These lovers have told my way If I come in the room backwards help!

I've got this little friend But you're since meal The one left May fantastic Jacks It'll only let me drink coffee.

He doesn't let me make the life mystics.

I chose to save a selling yourself short Thio.

It's tricky for the Argent because I'm the only one who can see it.

Pitocin, Your missus tell me off the other day for giving you put you did.

You got so I'm not allowed to talk about.

Yeah, sure.

Get yourself a language.

You found out?

Well.

Yeah.

Try my fucking Michener.

You did Back then.

Monkeys, Monkeys.

Very obvious legal reasons.

Someone wants to take a biscuit and I open it.

I know what was going on.

You just took a cookie out.

Told you 15 times.

Very ineffectual, Johnny.

Apart from appearing in Dictionary corner.

What?

What else is on your bucket list?

I'd like to walk with dolphins.

I like to think of some posh don't things somewhere that will walk with Johnny Vegas.

Or at the very least, go on one of them.

You know, the mobility scooters lied to sit next to a lady without Trump in constantly lied to be thing.

But not for too long.

That's about to be one of them.

Ruin it all over again to be able to swap me legs with the arms on then and then go swimming.

But not quite sure.

Ways direction.

My book it list is endless.

I'd like to book it, Johnny, what do you think?

Your strength.

So I honestly think tonight I'm a good listener.

I'm I'm kind of in order shown a za captain.

What?

Why you in all?

Sure, but why?

But he's the moody uncle Are never that I've had in my life is too much cause it in until much love when people allowed may carry on eating and drinking and just kept patting me on the head shows like a life coach.

And I do it all with my eyes.

Forehead is doing a lot of work that makes me feel like the puppy that's peed on the rug of life.

Okay, You used to work as a door to door salesman, Johnny.

Yeah, I did.

Obey did three nights, Three nights?

What?

What did you sell?

When lots of people bought the council offices, I went door to door and often to service the older gas so we would come in and put on the £25 would service every device, and that would cover you for the year.

So your initial call out charge would be covered under that 25.

Come.

I didn't know what you were gonna ask me about that inferno wearing this ridiculous back in Sure.

Naked women on it.

I'm not like flying a helicopter in Bob.

Theo.

Woman by the book.

Colonel with the legs of Kimber.

That would be just going door to door.

Let's move on.

That was a bit quiet.

I'll stand by my point.

Thief.

Your place in the middle of it whilst you do, Could you explain dark matter?

The Big Bang Theory.

You got your pens ready.

Okay.

Please go ahead on the countdown like bottle.

Your time starts now.

Oh, a few seconds left.

You gotta finish up your drawing.

54321 Pens down.

Everyone okay?

Okay.

Lazy.

On the countdown Life model.

Your picture.

Some song.

I did want a profile because I was on the side.

It was going to that.

He's expecting better even to you.

Well, did he have clothes and shoes off?

Jim?

No.

Sure.

You're an artist, Sarah, Can we take a look at yours?

Can doing this Afghan replicated the cotton balls with these noise, and his mouth is well, Theo, you know what the interesting thing about that is?

If I only had to pick him out of a lineup, I would be able to identify captured his essence Yeah, I could see his essence showing.

Could we take a look at yours?

I ran out of paper for the head.

You hold again.

Kind of looks like your heads.

Johnny, can we take a look at yours?

I tried to draw Quite sympathetic, because I have lots of life models of model for me in the past.

Lots of carcasses of followed book.

John Wayne agreed.

Five points.

Go to the best picture, I think Johnny Vegas, everyone.

He wants you.

What you don't want to do, man.

You got to yours.

No, I don't do it.

Trying to beat Gerard.

You're among friends.

Johnny.

Come on to us.

Your home.

Don't be shocked.

We'll know it's gonna be dead.

Embarrassing.

Come on.

Really long, man.

Page probably Vegas.

Everyone in advance.

Don't apologize.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

It's about last orders.

That's not for whom That bell Dr Cole is worthy barmaids.

Eyes do roll Lord, with an earnest shell calls time on drinks and washes out the dutiful sup Open leave.

But he's our last card apiece.

Leave with feet.

Like landlocked Dixie diver shuffles by woods with a fiver.

It begs the last for just one more on one yourself.

Just make it right.

It promises to drink it quick.

Yet deep down knows he's feeling sick, not from startled bags of scratchings.

More from questions, Booze keeps asking.

What happened to the happy?

May I think no.

One God need to pay in the bombed?

The poets waste poised to ponder fonder days before the time of cheap, warm cider.

Eyes of wonder opening wider Now they narrow, tired of fun as far turns wet and burns the bomb.

Yet Mervis smile pops in these head till you Ryan runs down inside leg on.

Just the landlord shows him out.

The child inside is crying out.

I was not meant for such sweet sorrow, but ops instead for see you tomorrow now stout soaked, cig stained, feckless soul is what for?

Know whom that bell did toe hall.

Break it.