♪ The wonders of light got the prettiest sight ♪

♪ for everyone to enjoy ♪

- Well, hi.

Hello.

So,

today has been

a very weird day.

You know how there are just some days,

when you wake up and you get out of bed,

and you feel like you've got out of the wrong bed,

and into the wrong room,

and everything is wrong.

Well that wasn't my day, my day was fine.

But I went to wake up Claudia, who was like,

"I hate today, I hate life, I hate everything."

I was like, "Good! Good start, good start."

So it is two days until what would have been

Claudia's mother's birthday

and so it's always a very difficult time of year.

This-

This kind of-

This week is quite hard for her, understandably.

But she tends to take it out on

everything around her,

and decides she dislikes everything,

but really it's just one thing.

Anyway, I said, "What would make you feel better?"

And she said, "Digging a hole."

So,

she's digging a hole.

Hello.

And yesterday I asked what would make her feel better,

and she said, "A granddad jumper," so.

She now has a granddad jumper.

And the dogs are being incredibly annoying.

So we took the dogs for a walk.

(car door shuts)

Ah!

- And I got myself.

- Way! - It was two for one pound.

Well, I bought one and then she was like,

"It's two for one pound!"

I was like, "Okay!"

[The Wonders Of Light By Snow Dept.]

♪ Oh it's such a charm ♪

♪ Got you up in my arm ♪

- And then we went to the garden center.

Which, you know, place of dreams.

♪ Will never be over ♪

- Normally love the garden center.

But we were there specifically to buy a spade, so.

♪ It's time to get out in the snow ♪

(Jessica laughs)

- That's new to me.

I'm not necessarily a spade shopper normally.

♪ Choirs will sing, and the joy bells will ring ♪

♪ Nobody loves you as much as I do ♪

- And we've been decorating the house

and just sort of putting lights up places.

♪ The ceiling, it is that time ♪

- And I even got to decorate lights

round a bush that I really like.

♪ Drinking hot wine by the fire ♪

♪ Here on our own we've got nothing to fear ♪

- Now I'm just going to take Claudia some tea.

In the garden.

While she digs a hole.

(beep)

(water boiling)

(gentle electronic chime)

- Yeah, I did just pour milk everywhere.

I told you it's one of those days.

(distant bird call)

- Thank you.

- [Jessica] How's your digging?

- Quite hard.

It's very sold clay,

but that's the whole point of it, mixing it up a bit.

Because it's not good enough

to grow plants and stuff in yet.

- [Jessica] Is the digging making you feel better?

- Yeah, and look.

I cleaned out leaves with the rake.

- [Jessica] Ooh.

- We were supposed to go to London today,

to see a play called "The Lost Thing."

It's supposed to be really good.

Royal Oprah house, very fancy.

Has a disabled cast and everything.

But I just felt too delicate

and like I couldn't cope.

And so yesterday I just cried to Claudia

and was like, "I cannot. I can't."

And I know it's really ...

"Woo, we should go support it,"

and also, "Woo, content."

But, um,

no. (laughs)

Probably better to put my health first.

So, I instead went to the corner shop,

exciting,

and bought myself

... attempts to find it ...

Lemsip.

The thing that keeps me going throughout winter

'cause I really need it.

And Yorkshire tea.

Gold.

Because it's the only tea that Claudia drinks

and shockingly, we're out.

But she's decided she's fancy now,

so she drinks Yorkshire tea ... Gold.

I just watched that back and it's

the shakiest thing ever

and I really apologize.

It's just not -

It's just, it's just,

just not my day.

I'm just not feeling well.

(laughs)

And then feeling unwell makes me feel ...

Feeling unwell makes me feel very

emotionally vulnerable.

I guess that's not unexpected?

Um, it ju-

I don't know.

Even try- I can't even explain my feelings.

Just need a Lemsip.

(laughs)

I just want to stop sniffing,

and also feeling awful.

My lungs feel disgusting.

I think I get scared as well,

which doesn't help.

Because I just went through so many winters

getting bronchitis over and over and over again.

Got pneumonia once too, that was fun.

(clicks tongue)

Um, but then I had the pneumonia jab,

which lasts ten years

and has now run out, I'm pretty sure.

And I had talked to a GP about it

and he said that I'm not in risk of pneumonia, so

apparently I don't need one.

And I'm like, "Well, I do, because, I still do."

Because my intercostal muscles,

which are the muscles in between your ribs,

mine wasted away when I-

Hello, darling.

Hi.

You're coming for cuddle?

Come on then.

All right.

Hmm. (laughs)

Hey.

You come to cheer me up?

Mine wasted away when I was

on bed rest for

two years.

As you could expect.

'Cause I wasn't doing a lot of breathing.

And they've never really, properly grown back?

Grown stronger again, I suppose.

So I find things like coughing quite difficult,

sometimes.

If I need to clear my airways,

I have to get someone to smack me on the back.

And whenever I get ill,

if I get a cold or something,

it tends to go into my lungs.

Which isn't good.

And because the doctor wouldn't give me

the pneumonia jab, I'm also terrified

that I'm gonna get pneumonia.

(sighs)

But it's fine, isn't it, Tills?

It's fine.

I'm in like the best health I've been in ten years.

So I should calm down, shouldn't I?