本当に個人的な質問に答える (Answering REALLY Personal Questions)

字幕表動画を再生する

get a little personal shall we asked you guys on Twitter to ask me some really personal questions because I used to do reading, comments, videos.
But all the comments got to say me.
It was all the same stuff all the time.
How do you start a YouTube channel?
What is your real name?
Why are the answers to life?
I don't know.
So that would be fun if we just did a personal Q and A.
I'm also curious to see how what people think personal is.
So I put this up a while ago, and I picked out some of what I thought were the best questions.
But hindsight's 2020 so we'll see if I actually picked decent ones.
What was your most embarrassing moment in your life?
You get some of those questions, were you?
You feel like you should have an answer off the tip of your tone because so many people have asked you and it's such a It's a question that a lot of people get asked.
But I can never think about the most embarrassing time.
Or maybe I just blanked it out.
At this point, maybe there's some or embarrassing things that have happened that I just can't think of.
But for me to come to mind, the 1st 1 is the story about when I shit my pence.
I told you guys some of this story before.
Maybe I'll do a story time on this one.
But shit.
My pants went home, pants full of shit, puked all over myself and then hold my mom at the door because I was drinking a lot, and then the other one wasn't.
As I told this one on tour, it was.
One of the jokes in the tour was when I was a young wee lad in Ireland and I was an altar boy and I had to handle collection plates for the money during communion and I couldn't find they're always in the same place and I couldn't find them.
Everyone in the church stared at me.
They were just looking at me, and I had no idea what to do.
And that was the first time I ever felt like my whole body shut down.
I think it was the first time ever felt anxiety, and I was like, what, 8 to 10 years old?
I started Yo, have you ever been in a situation where there's a big opportunity landed to you, but you never took it and you regretted not getting it sooner?
Yeah, there's been a ton of stuff from earlier in YouTube that I turned down when the channel was really like kicking off and getting a Tony Sobs every month.
There was a lot of stuff that came to me with a lot of big opportunities and a lot of money and different things like that.
A lot of sponsorship deals that I turned down because back then, sponsorship for as like, readily apparent on YouTube as the era.
Now, like everyone to sponsorships these days, most channels are actually funded almost solely by sponsorships at this point, So it's not that weird.
But at the time, I was really scared about doing anything like that because I thought that people would look at me weirdly.
I thought that people would call me a sellout, different things like that.
So there was a ton of stuff today.
I turned down there was some stuff like mobile games that offered just shit tons of money.
What games have way too much money?
I don't know how the fuck they're making all this money.
I'm not to say that money was like a huge thing that I really needed, but at the time, it really would have helped a lot of the stuff that I was trying to do on bike, getting different projects done and everything.
And some other people came with some cool ideas that I turned down because I don't know, I was so focused on my schedule that I didn't want Thio break away from it.
Do all these different things because I was like, No, this is my thing.
I'm good at this and I'm gonna keep doing it until people get bored of it.
But some of that stuff I could have done alongside of what I was already doing.
So any younger creators are there, like, don't be afraid to branch out and do different things.
If it fits what you're actually doing, then it shouldn't matter.
I think your audience will understand When was the darkest moment of your life And how did you get out of it?
I think my darkest time ever was well three years ago.
Now, December 2017 s Oh, about two years ago.
I I stayed at home alone for Christmas and there's so many things going on in my life.
At that point, I was at a junction where I didn't really know what I was doing.
I my relationships personal and like, professional.
We're kind of all over the place.
I didn't really know what I wanted.
I didn't over I was going at it over.
I stood with some people on Dhe.
I say they're home alone for Christmas, and I I just subbed for, like, two or three days almost solidly.
That was the first time I ever felt really depressed, like, actually depressed.
There's all those moments were you're gonna in a funk or your sides and you're like I am I depressed.
No, I don't think so.
But this is the first time I'm like, man, I'm fucking miserable.
I do not know what is going on.
And that was that was gonna be a personal Q and A So let's get into it a little bit.
That was That was the first time I ever truly thought about killing myself.
Died sitting at home.
At that point, I was like, What?
Anyone even miss me would Would it all just go away if I did this one thing and I entertain that thought not for very long.
But when that came into my head, I kind of snapped out of it.
And I thought to myself, This is not normal for me.
This is the first time that that ever actually, because everyone thinks morbid thoughts every now and then, there's a morbid curiosity in humans.
We all have it like what would happen if I drove off this like bridge or things like that.
But this is the first time that I actually actively entertained the thought and that that it's in and of itself kind of snapped me out of it because I thought I I don't think like this.
This is not me.
I am not in my right mind right now.
And I had a really big, long reflective periods in like that week, and I kind of just said to myself like, What have I done?
What have I accomplished?
Who am I basically on?
What do I want to do next?
And as I started writing these things down and really thinking on them and ruminating on them, I started to realize that things weren't as bad as I thought they were on this.
It won't work for everybody.
And I highly suggest that if you have these types of thoughts and they linger on, you're really struggling.
I definitely recommend talking to people and seeking professional help.
I was looking in the in the fact that when I sat down and really thought about it, I realized that things were not as bad as they thought they were.
I had accomplished more than I was giving myself credit for.
I have more stuff coming up that I could have potentially tapped into and really run with that I was really excited about.
So again, it didn't last that long, but that was the first time when I was like at my darkest at my lowest, and I really didn't know what I was going to do on.
That's kind of heard the PM a stuff sprung up from that.
It just turned out to be a mentality where I was like No, just it was like my mantra every day to be like, No, just try your best, keep going and get through it and things will work out and it took a really long time.
It didn't just happen.
I didn't just go o p a May hay.
It took about eight tonight months to really get back into a positive space.
So 2017 was like my worst year.
And then 2018 was still pretty shit.
But I tried to 03 I tried to make the most out of it and work through it and then 2019 got better.
And I'm in a much, much better place.
Um, so any of you going through that kind of stuff?
I relate.
I get it.
But please talk to somebody about it.
I should have talked to somebody about it a lot sooner than when I felt it.
So please talk to people.
Please seek out help.
Because again, these things do pass.
Things do always get better.
It just takes a lot of effort and a lot of time sometimes.
But they do get better.
I've ever had a fear of growing up.
Like when you were in school.
Did you ever think I have no idea.
What I'm going to do is an adult.
And that terrifies me asking for for him?
Yes, I think everybody has that.
At some point, I think that that is absolutely human and absolutely normal.
The problem is that no one talks about it, especially on social media.
No one ever talks about this shit because it makes you look weak.
And it makes you look like you don't know what you're doing while everyone else looks like they know exactly what they're doing.
So people all shut down and don't talk about stuff.
But yes, of course.
I've had a fear of, like, growing up.
It was more a fear of like Jesus like you said, Like, What the fuck am I gonna do?
I have no idea.
When I started off YouTube, that's that was the second darkest time of my life was I went to college for music production, and again, I've told this story a lot before, But I went to college for music production and I dropped out after two years because I didn't know what I was doing.
It felt dome.
I felt like I had no friends, and they were all better at it.
I did have friends.
I just projected that I had known and kind of made up excuses for myself not to go.
Um And then when I got home, I realized, God, what am I going to do next?
I went on lake social welfare.
I was on benefits.
I didn't wanna work.
I didn't know what was going on on DDE.
That really scared me because I thought, This is it.
This is my life.
I'm going to become an absolute nobody and just do nothing with my life.
Being a nobody is not bad.
But at the time I felt like I had been in, like, a band and everything.
I was going to music production.
I thought, it's going to do all these great things.
And then when that fell apart, I thought nothing was going toe get better from that point.
But I started doing YouTube then and that ignited a passion in me that really made me feel like I was doing something worthwhile, not not even like a capacity for a job or a career or money or anything like that.
It was just really fulfilling to do day after day, and I felt like I was doing something better with my time than sitting at home and just playing video games all day, every day.
And I think what I learned out of all of that was that I got purpose on drive and motivation.
Those were the three things that I lacked severely.
Confidence was also one.
I was very insecure back then, about like my my smartness on DDE what I could actually accomplish.
And they're all my friends.
Seems so much smarter than I was, and I didn't know what I was going to do and why was I don't And they weren't motivation and purpose and drive to do anything or so severely lacked on getting that in YouTube.
And I went back to college again for hotel management and just really tried to get things back on track to try to do something better.
But when you're younger and you're in school and everything like, no one ever has that shit figured out, you never know what it's gonna be like to go out into the real world.
And even when you are in the real world should changes all the time.
Life is tricky.
Life is complicated, in life is very complex, and it's not the same for every single person.
Despite again stuff like social media will show you that.
Oh, everyone's doing so much better on everyone has stuff figured out everything so much smarter than I am and things like that.
But don't let that should get in your head.
Just do what you gotta do, do what's best for you and do what you want to dio to the best of your ability is not.
All of us can do what we want to do because we're limited by time, money, location, friends, whatever.
But just try your best and do what you think is best for you.
And if it doesn't end up being the best for you, you will at least have done something, and then you can figure things out as you go along.
You don't have to have life figured out.
You don't have to have a game plan ready for the next 20 years of your life.
Just take a day by day, year by year, just figured out what you go along, you'll get there.
Have you ever had moments?
Cross your mind where you thought I don't want to do this anymore?
In regards to just quitting YouTube.
Yep, I've had that thought a lot because when things get a little tricky year, things get a little annoying for different reasons, whether it's just like God, I'm sick of doing the same thing every day.
Or I'm just tired of YouTube's algorithms and trying to fight a system that I have no idea how it works or whatever.
There's a tone of different things like that.
I've done YouTube long enough, and I'm at a position where, thankfully, I don't have to rely on it every single day revenue anymore.
I do really enjoy still doing it, and that's why I continue doing it, because it's just fun and I really love making videos.
But there are definitely moments where I've thought, man, I could just stop and all of this bullshit would just go away, whether it's having to deal with pressures or like fan pressure or expectation and all these various myriad of different problems that come with it and just stress and anxiety, like doing YouTube.
I absolutely love it.
It's the best job I've ever had on DDE.
I wouldn't trade it for anything else.
But it is the most stressed and most anxious I have ever been in my life doing anything, because again, I'm I I'm my own boss.
I set my own schedules, have to figure out all the stuff that I want to record myself on dhe.
Sometimes when things don't go well, you can start to dwell on it.
You started putting your self worth in numbers and you start putting your self worth and comparing yourselves.
All these other people who again I feel like they know what they're doing when in reality they're also just trying to figure it out and go along with it as well.
Lately, I've just been thinking more of what it would be like to not upload daily or change what I'm doing on not upload, because I I like uploading daily.
I like my work.
I think I like doing that.
But sometimes you just kind of get stinkers.
You don't get the greatest games.
I'm trying to find stuff to play all the time, and I might could well, do I even want to play a game, and sometimes coming up with those ideas takes a lot more effort than it should, and they don't end up being the best.
So it's like what I could just skip today and then move on tomorrow.
So I'm getting to the point where I'd rather work when creativity or motivations strike me most rather than just doing it for the sake of doing it.
And that's why I want to do bigger projects and do more stuff to challenge myself and be more creative this year because I've done the daily thing.
I've done it every day for seven years, basically a couple of breaks here and there in the last couple of years.
But they've role.
I just don't know if we're uploading every single day is really worth it.
I've talked to Ah, a couple of friends and are there YouTube friends and everything.
And we've all had that thought at some point you, even the people who love doing YouTube every day like myself.
We we still think about that every now and then and kind of fantasize about What would it be like?
How would I do it?
What would I do next?
Because if you do it for again seven years and some of my friends, I've been doing it even longer that you just wonder what what would I do next.
Do I have more to give?
Is there something else I could do?
So we absolutely do think about it.
If Sam's pregnant and go into morph ball, what happened to baby?
Well, Alanna, what I think happened to baby is baby dead.
Everyone's like, Oh my God, I never thought about that.
Pretty sure baby's probably just dead morph Ball is designed to house Thomas on her body, and its don't aren't the specifications and the science off shrinking her, changing her into whatever does not account for a separate entity and body.
I'm sorry.
It's a gruesome Is that what's most ridiculous rumor?
You read about yourself online.
Oh, where do I start?
There's been a couple about like, Oh, I think the one that Rikers most is that I'm secretly an asshole, that I I'm generally nice.
I'm positive online.
I think that I just get along with most people.
But some people seem to think that that's an impossible thing for someone to be that you can't just be a nice person, that there has to be some sort of secret hidden agenda underneath it all that I have to be hiding something that I have some sort of secret sinister thing going on in the background that everyone's gonna find out about someday.
And that's kind of what canceled culture is based on.
Is that like a hot gotcha?
Fucking knew it.
You can't just be a decent person online without some sort of like like doing charity streams had to be for exposure.
Or they had to be for goodwill or to make myself look better rather than just doing it for the sake of trying to do a good thing, things like that.
It's just get some people, make up all these conspiracies and gets really ridiculous.
And people start piecing things together like, Well, this person said something about him.
Then this other person said something else without even having any sort of evidence or fact checking or anything at all.
They just start believing it because I don't know.
It's more fun to gossip and make shit up.
I just roll with a story in a conspiracy theory and a narrative than it is to just be like, Oh, yeah, just uploads videos.
And he's nice.
And he talked about how long have been doing with you.
I don't mean to I've done this for so long that I feel like who I am is very apparent by now that if I did have some sort of secret hidden agenda, it would be very fucking obvious.
There's no way I could keep this up for so long and then have all this secret background behind me that I'm some sort of asshole secretly.
But all it takes is one little stumble, one little fault, one little like misspoken thing on people like knew it.
That's it.
There it is.
Got that all of these years of, like showing who you are, your morals, your character are just gone out the window because people just they just want something.
They want friction.
They want chaos.
People are so bored in their day to day lives by going online and just seeing the same shit every day.
But as soon as anything different shows up, they just want to roll with that and give some sort of meaning and purpose to their life in the negativity and dwell in those because it's more fun to do that than to just sit back and enjoy videos every day.
So I like to punch a dog every now and then.
So that's not that bad.
Come on, guys.
Do you poop?
No, never.
How many potatoes do you eat per day on average.
More than most people could handle.
Have you ever made eye contact with girls before marriage?
Answer carefully or I might on subject.
No, of course not.
I mean, I was raised as a sweet little Catholic Irish boy.
You think I would even dare look at somebody else in the eyes before marriage, let alone hold hands or kiss?
Plus, Pinky, if you could be one female youtuber for the day, who would it be?
I would be Jenna Marbles, because she seems like she's having the most fucking fun ever on.
I love it on.
She just seems like she knows who she is.
And she's just go for whatever idea she has.
She just has some great dogs.
Maybe I want to, like, hold hands of Julian or something.
I don't know.
It's so you're being so weird right now.
Joey, come on, Stop.
When's the last time the tissue paper split mid wipe and you gave yourself an accidental doctors check.
Hope is this is this.
It When I ask for personal questions, this is what you ask.
I can honestly say this has never once happened to me.
I think I'm more careful than you are.
Maybe I don't know.
It's never happened.
I do it intentionally.
Not accidentally.
Was your favorite 2011 mean You know, it's got to be scumbag, Steve that mean was iconic and legendary.
Max, what's your favorite 2011 mean Give back.
Are you Asian?
No, I'm Ash on.
What is your worst experience at a convention?
Finally, a normal question.
Again, This is another one, like your most embarrassing moment that people kept asking over and over again.
I was like, What husband?
My weirdest interaction.
What has been my weirdest experience?
Until last year, I had my weirdest experience ever.
It's my It's not only my weirdest convention experience, it's my weirdest fan experience Now, where I was meeting a bunch of people as I do at the meet and greets and things were going well, people are always super nice.
It's really great meeting you guys at conventions.
It's my favorite thing to do at a convention, cause that's maybe the reason why I go to them because normally I sit here and I talk to you through a screen.
But to go to the convention is great cause actually to meet you in person and chat and have some sort of experience that's beyond a screen.
But last year I think a Pax East I was I was doing the thing.
I was meeting people.
Everyone's.
It becomes the same types of interactions over and over again on a lot of people I have met before, and it's great meeting you guys second time cause then I remember and we can have a conversation about what happened last time and somebody who had met before came up to me on DDE.
I thought I was prepared, but I was standing there and they came up.
They took the picture and the guts of signed and then they said, Can I speak honestly with you for a second?
Sure, absolutely.
Most people want to speak honestly because again, that's why we're here and there, and you can actually say something to me in person.
This person then pulled me close, leaned in really close to my ear, whispered so close that I could feel their breath on my ear and said, I wish you had stayed single longer.
Then they put their hand on my chest and draped it down slowly and left.
And that was the creepiest thing that's happened to me With a fan that crossed so many lines, so many boundaries.
It was really awkward.
And I don't know whether I don't know what they thought would happen.
I don't know if it's I wish you had stayed single longer because I wanted to date you.
Or I wish you had stayed single longer for your own mentality because I think you need to be alone or something.
But it was this really weird entitlement to it.
It sent shivers down my back.
And I was That was the first time that I got really like, No, I'm fucking done with someone because normally people say some stuff that's like, that's kind of not okay to say, but I know you didn't mean it that way, and it's like, Okay, Hogue, move along.
When that person said that I didn't even make eye contact again, I was like, Okay, bye.
No, that Oh, it was so bad.
I I felt so uncomfortable.
Please don't ever do that to anybody?
What happened to you and your family in your old vids?
You mentioned how it was great, and any time your dad is mentioned now you seem to get upset.
First of all, I think I should preface that a lot of the Where's my dad or those types of jokes.
It's maybe just a joke, because I know there's something funny about that.
Like people saying like So I woke up and like my hand was sore and then, like I went down, put ice on it and it don't know what itwas and then just saying something like, What is that?
They say about your relationship with your father because it's like a therapist joke.
That's all.
Things go back to your parents and people have daddy issues.
That's the main reason why I say that.
But to be honest, in reality, my relationship with my family is not great.
Ah, lot of them.
I don't really talk to anymore because of different reasons.
Um, that I'm always kind of reluctant getting into it because I don't want them to really see it and then feel bad.
Really?
Um, because again, I don't wanna hurt anybody, boy back then talking about my family, everything.
I was living with my family.
So it's kind of the only people I really knew around.
And it was also that I didn't want to show any negativity on my channel because I just felt like no one wants to hear that.
No one wants to hear about personal issues.
No one wants to hear that.
I'm sad today and I didn't really want to record, but in putting on a smile, because that's what you guys want, right?
So it was.
Some of it was deceptive.
And again, a lot of YouTubers do this because when you start off, you don't think anybody really wants to hear about your problems.
You don't know if people are there for you or if they're there for the games.
And it took me a long time to really open up and just talk properly about who I am as a person.
Um, so that's why it was a lot more positive back then.
And these days I'm like, You know what?
Life is tricky and nobody has it figured out, really.
And sometimes things were kind of shitty, and I know people will respect that a lot more and relate to that a lot more if you're just honest on yourself and you just talk about things openly rises in trying to hide it and be like, Yeah, everything's great guys.
Ha, ha!
Because then if I'm often a video or things just aren't really going that well, I can say that now on people like I get it like, same on people give you a lot more slackers if I even just positive all the time in a president, pretend that everything's hunky dorey than people build you up to this expectation that can never, ever be met, and then you come crashing down from.
That was the first time you experienced loss in your life.
It was probably a pet, but when I was younger, I didn't really associate like Pet lost the same way as I do Human loss.
The first time I properly experienced loss was when my my grandmother on my dad's side died.
I I didn't know her.
She was in a home for a very long time.
She had I'm pretty sure she had dementia and Alzheimer's, so she wasn't like she wasn't really present a lot of time in many times.
I met her when I was younger.
She didn't talk.
She didn't really react.
She kind of just smiled at things every now and then and then before school.
One time I think I was like, 12 or 13.
We my parents woke up at, like, 656 a.
M and they said, Okay, we have to go to the nursing home.
They we got a call about your grandmother, and I was just so tired.
I didn't really connect the dots on again.
I didn't have that much of an emotional connection to my grandmother on dhe.
We went to school and I was sitting in class and the principal came up and said, Can we sorry to interrupt Lake.
Shawn, can you come with me on Dhe?
Everyone knew that something bad had happened.
I didn't really connected yet.
I was like, Oh, God, I'm in trouble.
What did they do?
But everyone in class can, like, turned and looked at me to be like, Oh, no, and it wasn't until I went out then that she was telling me on the way down what had happened that my grandmother had died, and as I was walking down, I saw my sister with her teacher and she was just, like, bawling her eyes out.
But again, I didn't have a connection to my grandmother back then.
I didn't really know who she waas.
Um, she was just so distant anytime I had met her, so I didn't really get that huge an emotional reaction out of it, which was a learning moment for me as a kid because I was like, Should I be satyr?
Should I feel this the way other people are feeling it?
And then when we were at the funeral, I shed some tears because I just started, like, opened up it like an emotional reaction in me, seeing everybody else that I cared about having an emotional reaction.
So it was a really big turning point for me in my life to experience loss like that for the first time, and then when my grandmother on my mother's side died, I can't remember how many years ago it is.
No, but it was back when I was living in the cabins and I had a much stronger connection to her and that hit me a lot harder on seeing seeing that for the first time was I'd I'd had friends and things who had had funerals for their loved ones and had gone to those.
But it's like a disconnect.
It's when somebody you're close to it happens to that.
It really kind of hits home.
Have you ever dealt with toxic friends or family members?
And how did you get over it while judging from the other answer?
Yes, Um, I don't know if I if I deal with stuff in the healthiest way, I think I'm getting better at it, but usually toxic for I'll talk about toxic friends first and foremost because toxic friends are tricky because you're doing what I do and meeting people you don't know who wants to be friends with you because they genuinely like you or who wants something out of you.
And I definitely felt the moments when people wanted something out of me because I was Jack Septic, I rather than being a friend.
But those people I learned the hard way it was seeing their true colors after a while and then having to like, talk to them about it or cut them out because some people just weren't they weren't there to be friends, even if I did talk to them about it.
They want there to be friends with me.
They just wanted something out of me and with those people, I had to cut them out of my life.
And same with dealing with, like, toxic sides of communities, like they don't have your best interests at heart.
They're not.
They're toe actually talk or have a conversation or understand they're there to tear you down and they're there to gain something from you, and that is a very hard thing to deal with.
And I still think that I don't have that figured out because each scenario is completely different.
I think the way I tried to deal with it is understand from their perspective.
Try and talk to them about it explained.
From my point of view, what's going on and how I'm perceiving this and hope that we can meet somewhere in the middle, and then I have a tolerance for that, that if if the same thing just keeps happening, then I'm sorry.
I can't continue that because it's just not healthy.
It's not good for me, it's not good for you.
And I think I think people deserve better than to be treated in a toxic manner.
And that's why my tolerance for toxic stuff now is so much lower.
Because I know my tolerance is I know my boundaries and I know her.
My cut off point is, and if you cross that, I just I can't.
I I only have so much room in my brain for so much going on that I can't deal with toxic shit because it's it starts to affect you.
It starts making you toxic.
If you have to deal with that shit all the time, I'm a sucker.
I keep wanting to, like, apologize to people and put the burden on me and be like I'm sorry.
Like, how can I help on?
That's something that I've learned over the years and some of the therapy sessions I've been to, and everything was like learning how to get over that and learning how to just say no.
And that's why going into this period of my life, I'm trying to figure out what I want and what is good for me.
And even though that can be selfish.
You got to be a little selfish every now and then, especially when it comes to your emotional needs.
But again, I'm not a therapist.
I'm not a professional.
I'm just talking from my own experience of Take it with a huge mountain off salt.
I don't have all the answers.
I'm just telling you from my experience, what worked for me.
And some of it might not even be working.
So please don't model yourself after me.
Did you do have any effect on your personal life, such as wife, kids?
Friends?
Well, I don't have a wife.
I don't have kids.
You're talking about future plans, then that's a different question.
I think there is a question about that somewhere in here, But we're friends.
Yes, absolutely.
Friends and family.
Of course, whenever you gain any sort of notoriety or fame or money especially completely changes people's perceptions of you.
And that's why Ah, lot of people on YouTube on Dhe me included are kind of afraid to talk about money and such honest terms.
First of all, that some people just want to talk about it because it's none of your fuckinbusiness.
Secondly, it changes people's perceptions of you.
Even though I don't talk about money, I don't ever talk about money unless it's got to do with, like, charity stuff on Dhe.
I've donated so much money to charity myself.
Just last year I think it was like 160 to $180,000.
But that would not matter a soon as something came out.
People say like, well, jacks up.
The guy has earned X amount of money on YouTube.
I don't flaunt that anywhere.
I don't talk about it.
I don't show off.
I don't talk about money at all, for the most part.
But as soon as people find out how much money you have or how much you could potentially make it completely changes people's perceptions of you.
Some people would either say like, Oh, good for him and like he doesn't talk about it like that's great.
But other people then would be like, Oh, so you have this amount and you only donate X amount to charity or you have this amount and like oh, I know blah, blah, blah.
It's just money is such a taint, er off conversation and opinions.
But in regards to like the numbers off people who know who you are.
That also has had an effect because, of course, it has.
More People now know who I am than they have ever done in my entire life.
On when you meet people now, especially people who know you on the streets for being jacks up the guy, it's hard to know who's there because they genuinely just like you or who just want a picture with you because they think, oh, famous person click It's It's very weird and more people now know more about me than I know about you, which is a very weird conversation to have this idea of a power social relationship, which maybe I'll do a video on.
At some point, I kind of wanted to do more videos delving into these sorts of topics.
But again, it's tricky to do because I don't have all the answers.
I'm just talking from my own experience.
But yes, of course, it's had a huge impact on my life.
Not that those are the more these air the sides of it that I don't really talk about.
That being said, The other side of the coin which is a much bigger sight of it, which is that it's changed my life for the better in so many different ways.
I'm I'm happier.
I'm doing a cool thing.
I have so many great friends around me now who I've met all through YouTube.
I'm in a fantastic relationship that I've gotten as a byproduct of the people I know through YouTube, and I've done so many cool, creative, fun things.
So don't get me wrong.
I'm just talking about the stuff that this is a personal video.
I'm talking about the stuff that no one really talks about.
But the other side of that is that there are far more positive aspects to it.
Is being in the spotlight too much for you, and if so, how do you deal with it?
I feel by putting in multiple of the same types of questions because this video is getting very long.
Sometimes, yes, it's fire too much.
Sometimes people dwell on every single thing you say, and you can't speak your mind fully because if somebody says something to me and they say it in sort of a harsh tone on, I tried to reply with like No, that's not really how it is like this is the truth.
It could be taken so many different ways.
Take the John Boyega star, for example.
Recently, a lot of people think a lot of really shitty things to him, and it's not okay crossing so many boundaries.
Some people are kind of like having fun with joking around whatever.
But there are an aspect of the community who are being absolute dog shit on.
Some of them are even being racist and everything.
But apparently that's fine, because he's a famous person, right?
And he signed up for this.
No, he signed up to do something fun that he enjoyed.
Having fame as a byproduct of that does not give you free reign to be an absolute shit head on.
I've had experiences like this myself, and a lot of my friends have to with YouTube where somebody can say something to you.
But as soon as you say something back, then how dare you?
Because the fans of the underdog you're the big dog eating the underdog, and that's not okay, apparently, that you can't speak your mind freely.
After a certain point of fame and notoriety, because then you're just an asshole.
Because then all your fans go attacking that person so it gets a little much sometimes or something.
So many things that have had to bite my tongue on because it's just not worth it.
And I can deal with people saying shit about me online because 90% of it is not even true.
It's just people trying to tear you down for no reason.
But sometimes it is like, Man, it just ruins your whole fucking day.
It puts you in a bad head space.
You don't want to do anything.
It doesn't happen all the time, But every now and then it does get pretty bad.
And for those those times, those are the times that I'm like, Man, I could just quit and not have to deal with any of this shit.
But again, it's it's a minority of the audience and it doesn't happen all the time on the positive aspects of it are far greater doing this.
So I'm trying to focus on those aspects a lot more this year rather than just dwelling on all the trivial shit that people say.
That's not even true.
To begin with, but they're just a crew, this group of people who just want something to believe in.
And I'm going back to the drama and the council culture on the gossip stuff like that.
It's just just step back and think, if your what's that, what's the term for it?
Schadenfreude.
If you're getting enjoyment out of tearing somebody else down, you need to heavily reflect on who you are as a person and what you're doing and why you enjoy doing this is your most painful experience.
Physically, I think the time I dislocated my shoulder, it was only for a very brief second.
I was on a trampoline with my friend and we were jumping up and down, and as I jumped up, they were coming down and hit my shoulder and knocked it out of its socket.
But it almost immediately went back in.
That was so fucking painful.
I first of all, I'm looking that I've never broken a bone.
I've never had any sort of like really bad cuts or anything like that.
The fact that this is the most painful experience of my life means I'm very lucky, but that hurts so fucking butch I'm sure you've talked about this on.
Maybe I've missed it.
But is it a goal for you to get married?
Have kids someday?
I think you're fantastic, Father.
From a limited perspective of you.
A couple of years ago, it waas I thought that I had to do the thing like, grow up, have kids, become a husband, back anything but the older I'm getting, the more I'm like.
If it happens, it happens.
If it feels right, it feels right.
But I am in no rush for any of these things to happen.
And I don't feel like my life is lesser.
If it doesn't happen, I'm still happy.
I can still have.
Ah, fantastic, Significant other in my life.
I don't think you need to get married.
I don't think you need to have kids to give your life purpose.
If you want to have them, go ahead.
If you want to get married, go ahead.
But for me and kind of either or if it happens and it feels right, I think that yes, I think I would be a great dad.
Um, but again, if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to feel like I'm missing out on anything, so it's kind of just like, but if it happens, it happens.
But I'm in no rush.
Do you really feel like you have finally found out who you really are like You're really self?
No, I don't think so.
I don't think anyone really, ever truly figures out who the real self is because there's so much external stimulus from other people.
That's kind of forming who you are as well.
But I feel like I know now better than ever, who I really am.
I think I'm I'm closer to it than I've ever been.
Put it that way.
I think the next 10 years of my life are really going to be formative in that regard.
And I think, like like the Rock and Kevin Hart were saying when I interviewed them, like in your forties, I feel like that's when you figure it out on from some of the people I know who are in that age range, like my brother and some of my friends.
It really feels like that, like your twenties are figuring it out.
Your thirties are still kind of figuring it out, but you're getting closer than your forties are when you really start to figure it out.
So that's why I'm saying, Don't be in a rush to grow up.
Don't be in a rush to figure it out, because I'm I'm getting better at it.
But I still I'm not there on guy.
Have a lot to figure out, and that's fine.
That's part of the journey.
That's what's exciting to me about my thirties and exciting to me about this turn of the decade as well, because a lot of these things are converging at the same time, and I'm excited to figure it out.
And I've been the whole idea of like, Have you ever thought about quitting?
YouTube is one thing.
I don't have any plans, including YouTube, anytime soon, but it is a thing where I'm comfortable that if you two ever collapsed on my channel got deleted.
I would be fine that it would suck not being able to upload stuff for you guys, but it's not going to affect me as much as it would have 34 years ago, I wouldn't feel like my entire existence is pointless anymore.
Where now I feel like I have more purpose outside of my channel, so I feel like I'm getting to a better place like that.
I'm not pandering to teenagers and kids as much as I used to before on Got to Me was a big, like overcoming of obstacles to be like, You know what?
It's fine to just do your own thing and not have to pander to your audience all the time, which I feel like I kind of was Maur years ago, so I'm getting there.
But it's still a lot to figure out on that, does it?
Those are all the questions that I had.
Those were went on a lot longer than I thought they were going to.
But again, with these types of videos, I feel like if you're here to learn and you're here to listen that longer videos won't really matter.
But this was fun to do.
It is nice toe answer stuff that's a little deeper, maybe a little darker, maybe stuff that I don't normally talk about and stuff that it doesn't really fit into any other video without sounding like a complete different tangent.
I think that's why I like doing the interviews with people as well because I think you get a better understanding of who I am as a person.
And the more you learn about me and the more you figure over my head is that the better you understand the rest of my videos that if I'm just uploading videos for the sake of entertainment, I'm just yelling and screaming and fast that it's all the time.
That's fine, but there's more to me than that on Dhe.
I'd rather show Maura the complete picture.
I'm still not 100% honest all the time because I don't feel like you guys should have all the information.
I don't think I should talk about every single aspect of my life because I need some stuff for myself.
I need to have some sort of personal, private information that people don't know about because if I give you everything that I have nothing for myself or my close personal friends to talk about, but hopefully you have a better understanding of who I am.
And if this is the first video of me you've ever seen, then who?
Boy?
But this this was nice.
Um, I'll do another one of these eventually.
If you guys have any sort of different questions, but it's nice to not answer the same questions over and over and over again.
Some of these I have answered before, but as time goes on, my, my my brain changes in my thought patterns, change of mentality and certain things change, which is also interesting because people also have the interpretation of you, like the find your channel.
That's a 2016 2017 and that's you.
But as soon as your brain changes, then you're two different and they hate you when really it's like a bowl.
Of course, brain is going to change.
Brain change bring good.
So I think that this adds a whole layer to sort of people's mentalities and who they are.
As people began to see more YouTubers do stuff like this, I think Felix did one recently, and that's kind of where I got the idea to do this one as well.
Because it's just it's interesting to get more of ah, a perspective on things.
I've been talking too much.
I'm gonna leave this video here.
Thank you guys for watching thank you guys for the questions and thank you guys for listening until next time.
I'm just going to say Piece of Strive like the video by my march.
Please.
So great to see a youtuber just speak their mind, you know, it's just be honest.