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  • life is brutal, but it isn't my fault.

  • We don't need to go far to find the horrors, pains and sorrows in life.

  • Well, people, deadlines, catching up once great friendships, going sour crawls back home.

  • Piling up is always something, but it's something never started us.

  • We stand as the waves off troubles follows this never leaving us behind.

  • We no longer live in a bubble because bubbles pop.

  • Eventually we've advanced.

  • That's why the latest trend is to put on a filter.

  • A filter is a patch right on top of our true Selves, the one growing que radiating out into our physical viewers.

  • In real life, we trade this behavior confidently to our viewers, and we get out.

  • We behave in a way that our chosen filters would allow us to act to the point that we are in believe off our own lies.

  • Eventually, we can't even see through the smoke and mirrors anymore.

  • We have grown used to deceiving ourselves, lying positively for ourselves, rejecting the haters.

  • When you want to bring us down, we're just questioning to stay afloat for as long as possible.

  • Unbeknownst to us making before from Greece unnecessarily harder, I did not realize how true this was until I started using Mr Google toe.

  • Answer.

  • All my life prices driven problems.

  • Examples off My adventures with Mr Google included questions similar to Why doesn't he love me as much as it does did before?

  • Oh, why am I not getting that grade promotion that I saw rightfully deserved or even why don't my family understand me anymore?

  • Let me round up.

  • The answer's almost always given to you.

  • It goes something like this, you poor, pitiful creature.

  • You Everybody is out there purposely trying to get you.

  • Leave them before they hurt you in the further it felt good being told that I was not wrong being the so called wrong poppy, you might not see that happen, causing this epidemic.

  • What is this epidemic is a passing off blame.

  • The blame never falls on the person that is asking.

  • It's always someone else, something else.

  • When we constantly push blame and reject responsibility, we are only horning the skills off redirection, making leader amendments in life unnecessarily Hado.

  • Sometimes leaving is warranted, especially when they is suffering and abuse, but not the mundane everyday troubles.

  • You see, we are our own biggest cheerleaders in life.

  • Why shouldn't he be in oil that gives us none?

  • We won't always be surrounded by loving, understanding, sympathetic and most off all energetic people in their lives.

  • But we are emotional creatures.

  • We want only to feel good and to think well of ourselves.

  • And even with the best intentions, rely.

  • Once we get to this point off life, our life will head reach.

  • A stagnant Holt everyday would seem unfulfilling where it used to once ring sufficient contentment.

  • This stagnation can hit for many years before we realize, with not only hit and suppose wrong bought them.

  • We've been digging deeper into a new interpersonal abyss.

  • I was dead not long ago, and the idea of how we can start to make myself feel better was looming over my head, taunting me to face it.

  • What is this idea?

  • It was painfully simple that I should have been brutally honest with myself from the start.

  • The idea is simple enough, difficult to truly understand and even harder to implement.

  • So I want to jump right into the ways that we reasons why we should be food to the honest with ourselves.

  • I'd give only four reasons for today.

  • Reason number one because no one will do it for us.

  • Even the closest relationships will have its boundaries.

  • We are human beings whose core fundamental core is for connection and acceptance.

  • What we are used to is a polite kind of honesty, something that is pleasing to the ears but hits enough for us to believe that maybe the other party is being brutal.

  • The friends who used to be brutally honest with us, no filter in your judgment.

  • They're no longer friends.

  • Even the extent off even our deepest and closest friendships and relationships is for companionship and survival.

  • People rarely want to rock the boat and make each other better off.

  • And even if our friends were brutally honest to us and we accept the blows off realization, we should not put that responsibility under.

  • We should not rely on another person for our own self growth.

  • They have got their own issues and self exploration on life prices off their own.

  • We should not become a willing burden all in the name of love.

  • Reason, too, because we won't grow when we are too comfortable.

  • Being too comfortable does not necessarily mean that one is in cloud nine and everything's going away.

  • And at least for the moment, we feet and there's no need to change.

  • The contacts that I'm painting for you today is when one is too comfortable in what is familiar when one is familiar with being unfulfilled, we've believed and become too comfortable and believing this being too comfortable doesn't mean that one is on is in this being too comfortable could also mean that one has been acclimated too long in the suffering and not wanting anything better for us in alive would be too difficult to even dream for the reason we should be brutally honest with ourselves because toxicity goes both ways.

  • Oftentimes we side between one or the other.

  • I are in total believe that really are the toxic one or the other party is what you fail to remember is toxic to city goes both ways.

  • One of the other could be toxic.

  • Oh, being together could be fueling each other's toxicity.

  • The thing with toxicity in this nature is there's no machine to tell us how radioactive our surrounding has become.

  • It can happen slow and subtle.

  • We become comfortable with Ida being toxic or being around what is toxic.

  • Most off us do not hatch from these situations soon enough, because most of the time we want to be in the situations.

  • Maybe you two reputation, potential opportunities or even loneliness.

  • We mustn't forget that although we should detach ourselves from what is toxic, we should also keep in mind that it is easy to just fall into the trap off.

  • Being toxic ourselves sometimes is not just about saving our own mental health.

  • Sometimes it's also about saving this from, well, us.

  • Lastly, being brutally honest reason for because the ego is too strong, we are programmed to be together.

  • Well, not you, and nice specifically.

  • I mean all office.

  • No matter how much of Rick loose we claim to be, they would always be a level off intimacy that we inculcated with a set group.

  • Off living beings could be our drinking buddies on a Sunday, but it kept set.

  • We feed after work at the wet market, No.

  • One three from the war or the group off chill over another human being.

  • And as much as we are too embarrassed to admit, most off us wants to be acknowledged and appreciate that and paint and loved wanted.

  • But the eagle is too strong.

  • The ego is seen as the devil sitting on your shoulder with spring nor praise, giving you no chance to even try.

  • The Eagle has good intentions.

  • He has a partner in crime.

  • There you go is heavily influenced by feel.

  • Often times we know what you want it first.

  • But later on, when you realize that is not cool, accepted toe like what we like, we shove our true feelings deeper down.

  • I can't hide it forever.

  • The Hot wants what it wants and thus that few with its knowledge off rejection Dunn's itself into Eagle.

  • The eagle is Bowman, Yuri.

  • Loud and seemingly logical.

  • The eagle drowns us until it becomes a personality.

  • But at the same time what happens?

  • We reject what we truly are in what we truly feel.

  • We fear the rejection, so we act in such an unruly manner.

  • At the end of the day, we our our own reasons for why we failed because we don't try.

  • He is one example.

  • Imagine this.

  • We finally found that someone that we can talk to the jive with we move in a comfortable script together, secretly, we fall in love.

  • Then we just had to ruin everything by asking the other party.

  • So where is this relationship headed?

  • That the populace is that they're not interested in anything serious or committed at the moment.

  • But we don't feel the same.

  • We want commitment and seriousness.

  • We want pets in the home together, preferably with that person.

  • So we become desperate.

  • We fear losing that person.

  • Then, from the desperation comes for you that we won't find anyone else after this person.

  • From there we become Eagle to save our face.

  • We put aside our own feelings and give it so we tell them that we see we want the same exact things even though we don't.

  • This is not a fairy tale.

  • We all We all know what the most probable outcome is.

  • And it would have saved us a lot of cues and pain and hot eight if we would just brutally honest with ourselves from this spot.

  • Not that we heard some of the reasons why we should be brutally honest with ourselves.

  • You want to take action.

  • Thankfully, the process is free, but not necessarily easy personally for me.

  • I realized I needed to make a change when I was stagnating too long.

  • I was not moving backwards or becoming worse off.

  • I was just not becoming better moving forward in my life.

  • Even though I put in a lot of effort to do so, I was stuck and it felt like How could nothing be wrong but feel so wrong at the same time?

  • This will be a very simple tools.

  • Easy step, then.

  • First we gotta start having conversations with ourselves.

  • This can happen anywhere as long as we are actually talking to ourselves.

  • Who, me?

  • This is not easy at all.

  • I easily have four different conversations going on in my head.

  • I can't stop them, but we've gotta put away that voice off, worry that voice all sarcasm and really get down a business.

  • We got a big deep and bring up the painful memories.

  • Accept it as it comes along.

  • Once we managed to quiet about no mines and have a conversation with false in themselves come spot too.

  • As the title suggests, we should be brutally honest, meaning drinks said in the conversations.

  • We should make it a point to not lie.

  • We should always check, you know, with ourselves.

  • Check in that The questions and answers that we are posing with our own Selves are truth, even if it means bringing up embarrassing the stupid past events or realizing how tragically awful we've been treating the people we saw called love.

  • We have to play the role off check and balance because once we tell Ally, the consequent of conversation would not mean a thing, because the foundation was a lying to stop for me.

  • It took many years to accept being brutally honest ripples myself.

  • I could not face all the mistakes and failures that will my old a lot of inner turmoil, loud conversations in my head, pushing and pulling with myself.

  • But here I am now on a Ted s speech beating proud of myself.

  • There's no way I can wrap this whole idea up before me, your reasons.

  • But I hope at least open up the pot off this idea toe one person.

  • If I have done that, I would have been successful.

  • Today, nothing needs to be wasted.

  • Regrets should not be.

  • Regret should be the foundation off learning and growth.

  • It should not become emotional chain and stances.

  • No doubt the truth puts realizations off.

  • Our mistakes and failures would be too much to face sometimes.

  • But there is no better way around it.

  • And to go chew it.

  • Honesty should be brutal.

  • Life doesn't have to be you.

life is brutal, but it isn't my fault.

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なぜ私たちは自分自身に正直であるべきなのか|サラ・シェヴァーン・リティコス|TEDxUoSM (Why We Should Be Brutally Honest With Ourselves | Sarah Shevaun Ritikos | TEDxUoSM)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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