Name: 文章の論理的な進行を改善する方法 (How to improve the logical progression of your writing)
Uploaded: 2021-01-14T10:00:56.000Z
Duration: 29 min 58 s
Description: VoiceTubeの動画で発音を聞きながら英語表現を覚えよう！学べる英語：

Today we're looking at how to improve your isles writing.

If you find this video helpful, I encourage you to go to my website at MILES.

Students often ask me, How can I improve my writing?

This is a very, very broad question, and I'm going to answer it very, very briefly.

To improve your writing, you need T to do two things.

The first is you need to divide your ideas into concise sentences.

The word concise means to be brief and to be married to the point.

Often, students feel that if they write long, elaborate sentences and if they use complicated wording patterns and complicated vocabulary that somehow this is going to get them a seven or eight on their examination.

Students that right long sentences that are very elaborate and use vocabulary that perhaps they don't fully understand tend to be full of grammatical errors.

Someone that reads an essay that is full of grammatical errors is not going to be convinced that you are a master of the English language, so do not give yourself a problem, right?

Your sentences concisely to the point short.

Now, you remember from my previous videos that each sentence has a particular job that it has to accomplish.

Discussion sentences show how your point links to the topic of your argument.

The most important sentence in your argument.

Sentence your summary in your conclusion.

All of these sentence types have a particular job that they have to do.

And if you include all these sentenced types together, they work as a team and they make your essay stronger.

And they make your essay work as a whole.

Not just that sentence level, not just at the paragraph level, but at the S a level.

Okay, that's my point Number one point number two you're writing should link sentences with cohesive phrases to me.

I think this is a very easy thing that you can include in your writing to really convince your reader that your ideas are flowing together and that they're linking in in an effective way that proves whatever points you're analyzing or supporting or refuting.

I think everybody should know what a cohesive phrases.

These are the phrases like, for example, as this shows because of this.

Thus, these points make it clear that, on the other hand, in contrast to this in summary, to prove this, these kinds of freezes linking sentences in this manner will show the flow of your ideas.

So overall, what you need to do is you need to write concise sentences, and you need to link them with cohesive freezes.

Now let's look at a student's writing this.

Students responded to this essay question.

Many people around the world are moving towards using debit and credit cards collectively referred to as an electronic funds transfer system or E F.

T instead of bank notes to pay for things carrying money.

Elektronik Lee has more benefits, then carrying money as banknotes.

Okay, so the question I'm sure you will agree is quite straightforward.

We're simply asked to comment on whether carrying money in an electronic form, such as a debit card or a credit card carries with it more benefits.

Then holding money is banknotes, which would be just like paper money like US paper U.

Dollar, the Emirati, during do you agree or disagree now.

The student responded to this as an argument essay as they should, and they agreed with this statement.

What I am going to present to you now is the first supporting paragraph that the student wrote, and what you will see is that the students tried to write very long, very elaborate sentences.

I believe they tried to use, um, vocabulary that perhaps they don't really understand.

What you will see in a moment is that the paragraph feels it's difficult to understand, and the points do not come across clearly.

Firstly, when money is carried as banknotes, the safety is much less then those who get money from some sort of card.

And there are some examples to show this.

E's dirt him is a currency that comes in very high bank notes.

The highest banknote is 1000 and this is more than 250 American dollars.

This is a lot of money, and if this money is stolen, or if some man copies this money and prince this money new, maybe some people will very quickly lose their money these problems are not apparent with E f t.

And so this system has shown many reasons that her better than cash.

Okay, that's the students supporting paragraph.

Now we're gonna go back and correct it together.

But I would like to just point out quickly thes students reasoning in this paragraph, which I think you will agree with me.

So, firstly, we know the student agrees that Elektronik of funds are more beneficial than banknotes.

And the reason the first reason they give to support this is in their topic sentence, which states that Elektronik money, it's safer, then banknotes.

That's what the student is trying to say in their opening sentence.

The problem is, is they you know, they write the sentence a little bit too long now.

The second thing that the student does in this paragraph is they give us an example to show how Elektronik money is actually safer than banknotes.

And the example they give us is the and Moratti Durham, which is available in large denominations.

So they give us an example of large dirt and denominations.

They mentioned that the dirt hem is available in a unit of 1000 which is they stated in U.

Most people would agree that's that's a pretty large denomination of paper money.

So they give this example, and they say that this is perhaps not a very safe way to carry money.

Okay, now, the third thing the student does is they provide a discussion of how this large denomination of cash is not safe.

So third thing is, they just They discussed the great discussion of how this large the nomination is unsafe.

They closed the paragraph by showing how the points that they brought up in the paragraph and the example and the discussion support the thesis, which, as we know, is agreeing with the idea that electronic funds or better, more beneficial than banknotes.

He shows how at this point, who's that freeze uses e f T systems or better then banknotes systems.

Okay, these are the four points the four parts of this paragraph that student has included First Elektronik money is safer than banknotes.

Then they provide an example of large dirt hem denominations.

Thirdly, they provide us a discussion of how large denominations are unsafe.

Finally, they show us how this point proves the thesis that E F T systems are better than banknotes systems.

Now, as Faras reasoning goes, this student's paragraph is fine.

The reasoning behind all of the sentences are fine.

The problem is that the structure of the sentences themselves or difficult to understand so now keeping the students reasoning in mind.

Let's go back ends correct each of the sentences in this paragraph.

Firstly, when money is carried, his bank notes, the safety is much less then those who get money from some sort of card.

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文章の論理的な進行を改善する方法 (How to improve the logical progression of your writing)

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