I'm headingtothehairsalontofinallygetmycaresCutalreadycutthetipsoncealreadyoutoffrustrationjustbecauseit's beensolongsince I'vegotten a haircut, I haven't had, like a financialstabilitytoget a haircutin a reallylongtime.
I'vebeendealingwith, liketheaftermathofseparatingfrommypartner, whichincludes, like, I don't know, payingwithpetspaidforthecar.
Thecar's brokenbytheway.
Thecar's broken.
I can't useit.
And I'm stillpaying $150 a monthtohaveitparkedinmyapartmentcomplexSothatcarhastogo.
Andthat's happeningthisweekend.
That's comingdownfromTokyotodoit a littlebitstressful, tobehonest, like I'm a littlebitnervousabouthow I'm gonnafeelwhen I seehim.
I'm cuttingmyhairislikeforthefirsttimeinthepastfewmonthsafterlikescramblingandlikegetting a jobandliketryingtogetmoneycashflowinlike a stableplaceagain, I finallyhavelike a littlebitoffinancialleniency.
I canfinallyaffordtocutmyhairandnotcutitathome.
Yeah, hereweare.
Wayhavedecidedthatwe'regoingtogiveme a nicefall.
Longbobalong.
Uh, that's gonnabe a littlebitlongerinthefrontandshorterinthebackwithAllright, It's supposedtobe a longBob, but I don't reallywantitback.
Andthen a bitlongerinthefront.
And I gotthebangsback, which I'm really, really, reallyhappyfor, becausetheywereinmyfaceand I wasconstantlypushinginside.
Andnow I havethemhere, and I actuallyfeellikethisisimprovedmyoverall.
Looklike I feeltimehere, I'm gonnashowyoumyreflection.
Likewhenmywhenmyhairwaslikefrombeef, I felthuge, like I feltreally, reallybig.
Andnowthateverything's, likesmallagain, likemyfacelooksmaller, I feellikeoverall, like a lotcuter.
Uh, I'm reallyglad I didthis.
I'm reallyglad.
Thankyouverymuch.
Byebye.
Byebye.
Byebye.
Okay, So I amwearingmyrunningshoesmyleggings.
MyofficialTaylortaughtmerchandise, and I'm headingovertothegymrightnow.
I'm supposedtobegoingtothegymtwice a week.
I havenotbeengoingtothegymtwice a week, andso I predictthattodaywillbe a verytoughdayas I triedtogetbackintoitandestablishedroutine.
It's justlikepastfewweekshavebeenreallydrainingandtiring, and I neverhavethemotivation.
Buttoday I hadnothingplanned, soforcingmyselftogo.
Sohere's Joe.
Joehasbeentrainingmeveryhardfor, like, a fewmonths.
Soouronce a week I hateit.
I hateitbecauseit's alwayssohard.
When I gethere, youmakesmedothingsthat I don't wanttodio, right?
When I gethome, I haveroommatedutieswereprettygoodwithworkingas a team, andoneofthethings I'm inchargeofismakingfood.
It's something I reallyenjoy, andwegettosave a lotofmoneybyeatingathome, so I don't minddoingitatall.
Foodis a creativeoutletformeandplanningwhattoeatbasedonwhat's inthefridgeisalways a funchallengethatgiveme a chancetoeatthings I wouldn't necessarilybeabletofindat a restaurantinJapan.
Goodmorning.
It's like 7 a.m. on a Mondayandtheweekendhaspassedbyandthat's itwassupposedtocomethisweekend, too.
I got a messagefromhimthatsaidhemissedhisflightandthathewantedtoreschedule, andso I thinkhe's inficklegonenowandhe's cominglatertodayand I'vegotplanstoday.
So I hadto, like, movearoundmyscheduletoaccommodatehim, andeveryone's like, upsetatmeforbeingtooaccommodating.
Andmaybe I shouldn't.
I havebeensowillingtoworkthingsoutsothathecouldstillseethepetsand, youknow, getwhathewants.
But I don't know, I knowthat.
Butthat's doyoumean a lottotalkSoand I don't wannabewithholding.
And I feellike I'm in a toughposition, so I don't know, I don't normallygetupat 7 a.m. Buttodayissupposedtobethedaythat I goseehimafter, like, fourmonths I can't sleepon.
I'm justlike I don't know.
I don't evenknowif I'm doingtherightthingbygoingoutandspendingtimewithhim, likePartofmewantstoandlikeshighandmakesureeverything's okay.
Butthat I don't know.
I feellike a lotofnextemotionsaboutit, sowe'llseehowitgoes.
I'm lookingback, and I thinklikeit's beeninterestingtoseehowthisweekplayedoutanditwasactually a prettygoodweek.
I stayedbusy.
I didsomethingeveryday.
I sawlotsofgreatpeople.
I hadgoodexperiences, goodinteractionswitheverybody, andthatwasbetterthan I couldhavepossiblyexpected.
So, Overall, like I'm I'm reallypleasedwithwhatthisweekhasbecome.
I thinkleadinguptomyvisitwithKatsaid I was a littlebitontheedge.
I was a littlebitdownbecause I wasn't sureifmyinteractionsweregonnabepositiveoriftheyweregonnabenegative.
And I didn't knowifwewouldcomeoutofthat, like, feelinggoodabouteachother, feelingangry, and I don't know, I don't thinkanyonewilleverbeableto, like, replacewhattoxinwasinmylife.
Likehewas a reallygoodfriend.
AndwewereWewereveryclosethere.
A lotofthingsthatwelovetodotogetherandInmanywaysheisirreplaceableinmylife.
But I thinkacceptingthatlikeanunderstandingthat I don't needtofindlikeanotherversionofham, I likehecanjustexistasheis, andthen I can, like, moveforwardandmeetpeopleandhave, like, newinteractionslikethatconceptinsomethingthat's kindofonlyenteredmymindthisweek.
I thinkjustfeelingthatandlikeacceptingitandthenalsounderstandingthatjustbecause I havethosefeelingsdoesn't mean I madethewrongchoicelikeit's okaytorespectwhatitwasandwhatheis.
Andlikeeverythinglikethat.
Butmovingforward, I canmeetnewpeopleand I canhavenewexperiencesand I confinedthingsthatlikelikenewhobby, is a newfavoritethingstodowithnewpeople.
I don't knowif I'm makingsense, butreally I don't know.
I'm excitedaboutthatand I feellikethatkindofexcitementconnectstotherestofmyworkandmakesthingwasbearableondayswhere I feelexhausted.
Andwhen I lookexhaustedlike, Yeah, I don't know.
Um, Anyway, I wantedtomakethisvideobecausepeoplegavemesomuchsupportwhen I talkedaboutmyfeelingsbeforeand I wantedtoshowyouthatthingsarebetterand I'm workingtomakethembetterallthetime.
And I amworkingwithhimtomakethingsbetterandyeah, I don't know.
Everything's gonnabeokay.
I thinkjustgonnakeepgoingfullsteamaheadandseewhere I endupthenshouldbeinteresting.
sothingshavebeenprettyhecticsincethesummerwhen I madesomemajorchangestomylife.