yet instantly reel over one or two negative ones.

Me too Kyle.

It’s makes me physically sick all over my sandwiches.

Unfortunately, as a bitter, confused, 43 year old man - trapped, inside a 26 year’s old body,

I feed off the hate - it gives me energy, it’s give me focus - like some sort of Dementor,

with a youtube channel.

So with that in mind, we’re going back in one more time - into the sewers of the YouTube comments sections.

But I want you to remember, these comments aren’t just simply from donkeys who’ve discovered words;

these are real people, with thoughts and opinions that deserve to be heard.

And I think you’ll find this a rewarding and educational experience if you try to see

each comment objectively - not as hate mail - but as piece of knowledge

- a gift, waiting to be unwrapped.

Loser ass eurotrash cunt

I know why you come off as an obnoxious disrespectful turd, its because you are in fact an obnoxious disrespectful turd,

or Dickhead for short.

Seriously you should reassess how you put your videos together.

Bit of a weird remark that one isn’t it?

Because there’s the sentence structure of a 6 year old, but there’s also big words

like obnoxious being used.

But I have reassessed how I put my videos together and I’ve decided, given your name

is rabbitphobia, I’m now going to put a rabbit in every single future video - irrespective

of context.

Because maybe then, you won't come back

like you did again on another video

I can’t believe how much like a little bitch you winged about getting up at 4.30am,

FFS I bet there are fish mongers in that market that have been doing it for decades.

If a fish monger gets up at 4.30am everyday for decades, it’s probably not that difficult to do is it.

It’s just your average way of life as a fishmonger.

Also you call me a little bitch and yet you have a phobia of rabbits.

The one animal on earth you have nothing to fear, unless you have a really nice garden of lettuce.

You might be afraid of rabbits, but I roll around in a pile of rabbits for fun - look

there’s a video of that actually happening - I’m not mental.

So in conclusion, I might be an obnoxious disrespectful little bitch, but,

I’m still better than you.

Go fuck yourself.

And seeing as we’re on the subject of terrifying animals, two months ago I made a video about

some Japanese beef and during the video I swore a few times - you know like you do.

Like I do anyway.

But what I didn’t anticipate was that the act of swearing in a cow related video would

be justifiable cause for outrage.

You are a fucking bastard.

You keep on saying fuck word publicly on your fucking videos son of a bitch.

Cow is a good animal respect it.

Look…

Motherfucker dickless

Fuck me, it’s either a cow that has learned to speak - or it’s a really angry guy somewhere in India.

I’d like to point out this person isn’t necessarily mental - in Hinduism of course,

cows are seen as holy beings.

Perhaps he just wanted to defend that.

Now I always like to make an effort to respect people’s religious beliefs,

apart from last month when I made a video about Japanese Christ dying in a Japanese village.

But you know, he probably did.

But I can’t help but think this reaction is a little bit over the top, especially given

that I didn’t even direct the swear words at a specific cow.

It’s not as though I walked through a fucking barn methodically insulting every single cow

in my field of view, one by one.

Although now, I wish I had done.

Do you swear in public in other countries and think it is okay?

Yes.

I’d like to think humanity has far more pressing issues than me making some noises

with my mouth in public.

You are provocative.

You are provocative.

Seriously who says that Noah?

It sounds like an amazing tagline for a new brand of aftershave.

Swear. to be bold Swear to be different.

Swear to be provocative.

Provocative the new fragrance from Noah Shirakawa.

Break all the rules.

Just don’t swear in public.

There you go Noah - not only are you named after a guy who built a really good boat

- but a weird stranger turned your stupid comments into a advert for aftershave.

Now I see why some viewers are annoyed I focus on the hate comments.

That is pretty special treatment.

This narrator has a bitchy smug face.

Well that’s because every time I pull a bitchy smug face, your Mum gives me a biscuit.

Stop bouncing up and down in your vid.

It’s SO annoying.

You probably had some good thing to say but I couldn’t watch/list with all that bouncing around.

I don’t bounce do I?

I’m fairly certain, Russell Ramsey, that you’re the only person to have this as an issue.

Which leads me to believe perhaps you have some sort of gift - like a kind of sixth sense

- where you’re able to detect physical movement in a way that most of us can’t.

Or you’ve been drinking too much coffee again - in your mental asylum.

Japanese hate deeply the hypocrisy manner.

Turn back where you from never back here.

A message there from full on cock….

Oh sorry phuong kok.

I like this comment because whilst it’s obviously someone making an angry remark in poor English,

there’s also poetic quality to it I find.

Turn back where you from, never back here.

It’s the sort of thing you’d say to someone who told you they loved you, but you didn’t feel the same way.

So they’re like “I love you”.

And you can of go, I don’t know.

I don’t feel the same way…turn back where you from never back here.

And they’re like, yeah I understand.

I think there’s a whole film waiting to be based around that one line - on that entire premise.

It’s amazing what ideas you come up with whilst reading comments from fucking idiots.

You actually kinda look like John Oliver with glasses.

No, I don’t see it.

That said I do quite like John Oliver, he’s one of two American talk show hosts I can bare on American tv,

along with Conan - I like Conan.

Oh and you did get James Corden as well to be fair, singing songs in a car.

That’s really good isn’t it.

Look at this white guy.

He thinks Japanese people are going to accept him.

Natsuki!

Do you accept me as person?

Do you accept me for who I am?

Yeah of course.

Really?

Yeah, you’re a nice guy!

Great!

That’s a relief to hear.

Thanks very much.

But, you’re very smug.

People like you disgust me.

How does it feel knowing that you will never be a part of Japanese culture, now matter

how badly you want to you pathetic approval seeking weeaboo English teacher?

I'm sure you went to Japan because nobody liked your sorry ass in England.

Japanese people will never accept you, faggot.

Shit.

It’s not everyday you get successfully psychoanalysed by a 15 year old boy using a photo of a girl

in a bikini to look cool.

But it’s true - all of it.

Like thousands of people who come to Asia to teach English every year, I didn’t come

for adventure or discovery or learning a new culture or new language or to see the world

from a different perspective.

No.

I came because I was a loser in my own country.

I used to just walk down the street in England and people would come up to me and

look at me in disgust and then just be sick over my t-shirt or jumper - depending on what I was

wearing that day.

It was horrible.

Do you know what that feels like?

Probably not.

I decided the only logical thing that made sense, the only thing I could do was to move

to Japan, to start again.

Things have been pretty good since then.

And I appreciate your concern and your kind words, so thank you.

Thank you very much.

Dear people who type in all lowercase, we are the difference between helping

your Uncle Jack off a horse, and helping your uncle jack off a horse.

Sincerely, Capital Letters.

That’s not a hate comments, that’s just a brilliant grammar lesson.

I wonder if you’ve ever thought about teaching English abroad?

Ah..probably not; You need to be a loser in your own country first to qualify.

Please don’t show clowns in your video.

Please.

I think we all know what’s about to happen.

But not only am I going to show clowns on the screen for the next five seconds, I’m

also going to cure you of your fear using an advanced form of hypnotherapy.

I read it in a magazine once, but apparently if you juxtapose something that you’re afraid of

with unconventional music, it can actually cure you of that fear.

Because you see it from a different perspective.

So with that in mind…

Yeah it, didn’t work did it.

You know at the start of this video, I was optimistic that we could learn something of

value from these comments.

And I think looking back now in hindsight, we can safely say, we’ve learnt nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

I was delusional to think I’d find something; you know, once you’ve had an Australian magazine refer to you

as an alternative theorist, that shit starts to go to your head.

I’m not an alternative theorist, I’m a loser with a bitchy smug face.

At a push though, I think I’ve learned no matter what you say or do you’ll always

offend someone, somewhere in the world, for reasons you couldn’t possibly comprehend.

I also learnt that there are people out there, still called Noah.

Which I genuinely didn’t know and I quite like it, it’s a nice name - and I think

that’s the one thing I’ve said in this video that isn’t sarcastic or ironic either.

But I do hope you’ve learned something of value, during our 10 minute journey together.

Many thanks for watching.

Now if you don’t mind I’ve got to bounce over to a farmyard and verbally insult a field of cows.

See you later.