As a womanfromMountainCity, TennesseenamedJenelle, Porterwassoenragedthat 36 yearoldBillyPayneonfriendedRogFacebookthatshetoldherboyfriendandfathertogotohishouseandkillhim.
Okay, I justthinkitshouldbe a rulethatthelastpersonwhousesthetoiletpapershouldbetheonethatreplacesitbecausethere's nothingmoreunpleasantthanrunningoutoftoiletpeopleandwaddlingdownthehallwaytryingtofindanotherroleorsomethingelsethatyoucouldwipeyourfuckingasswith.
I thinkthishat's fine.
I haven't wornthishatwhile.
Anyways, I made a songaboutthisveryissue.
Thankyou, thankyou.
I makereallyrelevantmusicwellfor a mannamedFranklinPaulCrowefromLakeland, Floridabecause, ofcourse, ithappenedinFlorida.
In 2006 analtercationarosebetweenCrowandhisroommate, KennethMatthews, afterMatthew's refusedtoreplacethetoiletpaperroll, leavingCrowunabletowipehisfuckingheinous.
That's whenCrowdidwhatanyforwardthinkingandcivilmanwoulddoandbludgeonKennethintheheadwith a sledgehammer, finallykillingafterseveralmoreblowswith a regularhammer.
Don't knowwhythismanownssomanyhamburgers, callthepoliceandtoldthemthathewaskilledby a motorcyclegangthatthey'vehadissueswithinthepast.
Butpoliceweren't buyingit, andlaterheconfessedtotheentirethingandwassentencedtolifeinprisonwherehetook a mugshotmakinghimlooklike a creaturefromthelabyrinthcrawlingoutof a swamp.
Fulltermsacrossthefuckingintolerablenumberthree.
Okay, sothisnextonemightbe a littlebitrelatabletosomeofyoucrazybandfangirlsoutthere.
Don't youhatewhenyou're a teenagerandyourparentsjustdon't fuckingunderstand?
It's onlyunderstandabletoget a littlebitupsetwhenyourparentsdon't getyourfuckingconcertticketsthatyou'vebeenwaitingforevertogoto.
Soit's totallycool.
What, Youjustkillyourownmombecauseyouwon't buyconcertticketsorfuckingband T shirt?
No.
Okay, well, ifyoulikemethoughtthatthiswasfuckedupbeengood, becauseitwasn't about a teenager, butinstead, a 39 yearoldmanwhomurderedhisownmotherbecausesherefusedtogetvanticketstoseeAdmiralLevine, 39 yearoldRobertLionsfromCarolStream, Illinois, apparentlywantedtoseeAppleLevinreallyfuckingbadAsin 2008 hesmashed a champagnebottleonhisownmother's headandthenstabbedherseveraltimesbecausesherefusedtogethimtickets.
That's whenlions, who I assumewas a skaterboysaid, Seeyoulater, boy, verysorryforthatanddecidedtotakehismurderousangstoutbystaringattittiesatHooters, wherethepoliceapprehendedandarrestedin.
Well, thisnextstory, a manwassoinlovewithCheetosthathewaswillingtostabsomeoneoverhimjusttohave a relationshipbetween 46 yearoldhomelessmanDavidScottofSTLouis.
HisnewbagofflaminghotCheetoswasputinjeopardywhenitwasdiscoveredthattheCheetoshad a sidebitch, anotherhomelessmannamedRogerWilkes.