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  • The royal family.

  • They're like the Kardashians,

  • but less welcoming to black people.

  • It's been a month since Harry and Meghan announced

  • that they wanted to leave the family,

  • and now, they've been told that they're free to go,

  • but they got to leave their name tags behind.

  • MAN: Harry and Meghan will soon be royals no more,

  • at least publicly.

  • The Duke and Duchess of Sussex released new details

  • about their plan to step down from formal royal duties,

  • including an agreement with the queen to not use

  • the world "royal" in any future philanthropic

  • or commercial pursuits.

  • Though they will formally retain

  • their "royal highness" titles,

  • they will no longer be able to use them

  • after the transition takes place on March 31.

  • Damn. Harry and Meghan are losing their titles?

  • That's the most embarrassing royal loss

  • since William's hairline.

  • (laughter)

  • But, yes, the queen has announced

  • that Harry and Meghan can no longer describe themselves

  • as "royal." And I won't lie.

  • If I was Harry and Meghan, I'd be like,

  • "Fine. Then we'll be known as 'Roy-al.'"

  • (laughter)

  • It's actually pretty funny how petty the queen is being.

  • But basically, you know what she's doing.

  • She's trying to turn Harry and Meghan

  • from the official royals to the store brand.

  • That's what she's doing.

  • Like, you know how the store brand is kind of

  • like the brand name, but just off, like, slightly.

  • Like, Frosted Flakes will have Tony the Tiger,

  • but then, the store brand is a weird polar bear. Yeah?

  • So that every morning, you have to look at the box

  • while you're eating cereal, and you're like,

  • "I wish my mom didn't buy you!"

  • (laughter)

  • But I'll be honest.

  • I don't think the queen is gonna win this one,

  • because it's not like Harry and Meghan need those titles

  • for us to know who they are.

  • No one hears names like "Harry" and "Meghan," and they're like,

  • "Which Harry and Meghan? The ones from Nashville?

  • -Is that them?" -(laughter)

  • Anyway, let's move on from people celebrating their freedom

  • to someone who's gonna be losing his freedom for a long time.

  • Disgraced movie mogul Harvey Weinstein has been found guilty

  • of rape in the third degree

  • and of committing a criminal sexual act in the first degree.

  • The jury acquitted him on three other charges,

  • including the most serious of predatory sexual assault.

  • Throughout the whole process, he kept saying,

  • "I didn't do this. I didn't do this."

  • But, of course, now he faces five to 25 years in prison,

  • at least, with more possibly coming,

  • uh, with additional charges, new charges out in Los Angeles.

  • Yes, people, it's official.

  • Harvey Weinstein is going to prison,

  • which is crazy, because he already looks

  • like he's been in prison for 25 years.

  • -(laughter, applause) -Seriously.

  • Weinstein is not going to do well in prison, all right,

  • partly because other prisoners

  • already don't like sex offenders,

  • but they really don't like some of Harvey Weinstein's movies.

  • Yeah. They're gonna come up to him in the prison yard like,

  • "I wasted nine dollars on Mansfield Park!

  • That shit was a disgrace to Jane Austen!"

  • You know what would be funny is if they lock up Weinstein

  • in the same cell as Bill Cosby. Yeah?

  • 'Cause I can tell you then,

  • no one is falling asleep in that cell.

  • "You go to sleep!" "No, you go to sleep!"

  • "No, you go to sleep!" "No, you go to sleep!"

  • -"No!" -(laughter)

  • All right, and finally, let's move on

  • from Harvey Weinstein to another plague on humanity--

  • the coronavirus.

  • The disease that started in December

  • in China is now taking off around the globe.

  • Breaking news overnight on the coronavirus outbreak.

  • Yeah, experts say the world has reached a tipping point

  • to prevent a global pandemic

  • after a surge of cases outside of China.

  • WOMAN 3: The biggest outbreak outside of Asia is in Italy,

  • where cases spiked from three

  • to more than 150 over the weekend.

  • MAN: About a dozen Northern Italian towns

  • are now in lockdown.

  • Normally bustling Medieval villages turned

  • into virtual ghost towns.

  • Officials in Venice canceling the rest of the city's

  • famed carnival festival.

  • Officials in Milan, Italy's

  • fashion and financial capital taking extreme precautions.

  • This fashion show by Giorgio Armani deserted.

  • Models walking the runway in a room full of empty chairs.

  • Yes, the coronavirus has officially shut Italy down.

  • Fashion shows-- cancelled.

  • Soccer matches-- canceled.

  • Even the Statue of David is playing it safe.

  • (laughter)

  • And by the way, I really do find it interesting how,

  • when the coronavirus hits a country,

  • you learn what that country is all about.

  • Right? It hits Italy,

  • and it stops fashion shows and soccer matches.

  • In China, it stops all manufacturing plants.

  • Like, I'll bet if it hits France, they'll be like,

  • (French accent): "We have to reduce physical contact.

  • Everyone is limited to just one mistress. Ha, ha, ha!"

  • (laughter)

  • Now the big news... the big news that's really concerning is that

  • the World Health Organization says

  • we are reaching a tipping point

  • where the virus could become a pandemic.

  • So if you have a bucket list,

  • now's the time to do it, my friends.

  • Yeah. If you want to skydive, do it now.

  • If you want to swim with sharks, do it now.

  • If there's that woman at work you've always wanted to kiss,

  • stay away from her! Didn't you learn anything

  • -from Harvey Weinstein?! -(laughter)

  • Also, she might have coronavirus.

  • (cheers and applause)

  • Yeah.

  • Want to know...?

  • You want to know what I put on my bucket list?

  • "Don't get coronavirus."

  • -(laughter) -Checkmate.

The royal family.

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B1 中級 新型コロナウイルス 新型肺炎 COVID-19

ハリー&メーガン、ハーヴェイ・ワインスタインに有罪判決&コロナウイルスがイタリアへ|ザ・デイリーショー (Harry & Meghan Shed Titles, Harvey Weinstein Convicted & Coronavirus Goes to Italy | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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