from the office well everyone is on a lunch break talking about my nose job um

it might be a little of a shock for you guys but I didn't even think that I'm

gonna be in a point in my life where I'll have to talk about it but I guess

my career is at a point where I am sharing so much with you guys and this

is not a secret or anything I had my nose done

over 1213 years ago so for me that part of my life happened so long ago that I

don't really walk around talking about it as much just to give you a little

backstory I had my nose then when I was about to turn 16 it was at a weird time

in my life since I was very little I had a weird obsession with my nose I'm not

sure why now that I look at photos it wasn't that big I mean my face

completely changed with the new nose but it's not that it was big or like

something so terrible it's just always felt like it was like there wasn't room

for it on my face like all my other features are so small and my nose just

felt so out of place so I always had that like fixation about it and I feel

like from a very early age I was putting so much energy towards thinking about

this you know complex that I had and I was in general a kid that was like I had

a lot of complexes about myself it's not at all like blaming my mother or

anything at all because she was like oh it's so amazing and supportive and

everything I just think that some kids are born to be more sensitive to

different things and I think that from me I feel like growing up I think it's

still happening around us that a lot of people say to girls like oh you look so

pretty and put this nail color and put this lipstick and I feel like in a way

that happened to me and I got this like label on me as a little girl which is

like not the worst thing but I was never the smartest I was never

the fastest it was never like good at anything else or there was any other

emphases on anything else that this pretty thing just stuck in my head so I

think that what happened is that I really started fixating on the way I

look and twelve thirteen years ago it wasn't like it is today it's amazing to

see the progress we made in pop culture and society today where you have so many

amazing role models around people not wearing makeup people are proud of their

freckles and wrinkles and all these different things there's such a big

emphasis on education and being smart and worldly everything is kind of at a

reach where twelve thirteen years ago as a teenager all I was seeing is this

picture-perfect editorials in magazines so for me that was the bar of beauty

that was what being beautiful meant and from me

I guess now kind of analyzing where I was in my life I was just really trying

to fit that label of being pretty because if I couldn't fit that then what

am i I don't have anything else going for me that's what was going through my

mind because I just didn't know who I was and I didn't know how to find who I

was this conversation of self-love and self-care wasn't even on the table back

then we obviously weren't as immersed in the online life there was not much going

on online so again the examples of everything it was very limited so I've

expressed this thing with my nose to my mother quite often throughout the years

I never thought that there's such a thing like I didn't know that you can do

plastic surgery I didn't know that it's like an option but I always kept just

being so insecure about it I remember like every time I would be in a position

where people would like take photos of me I would always do this because of the

size of my nose when I looked up that made it look smaller you see quite a bit

throughout my old photos that I was doing

of the Sun actually still have a little bit of that habit I'm just putting my

head up my mind was truly occupied on my nose alone and not seeing all the other

things that were going on for me as you know a young girl and a young woman and

now that I think about it it's still happening today you see so many little

girls and their parents and it obviously come from such a good place but you see

always parents say to their daughters oh you're so pretty and you're so pretty

and you're so pretty and different kids process that

information differently and that's another thing it's like you can raise

five girls the same and each one of them will kind of receive those like

different signals differently and it may be something good that will develop into

confidence for her or bad where it would be oh this is Who I am I'm just pretty

right so it's really nothing against my mother or the way I was raised I feel

like she really put everything she could towards giving me the most amount of

confidence and self-esteem possible but my brain worked differently and the way

I received that compliment of being pretty was basically a label and this is

it I know when I'm gonna have a girl when

Wow okay a little future prediction I know

that if I'll ever have a girl I would obviously make a point to tell her that

she looks pretty but I will really make it my life mission to show her all the

other things that she's made of other stuff that are so wonderful about her if

it's the way she thinks and her imagination and things like that anyways

going back to this story at 15 I was discovered as a model with my old nose

with my original nose I actually booked my first huge campaign in Israel who

with my old nose and we actually flew to London UK we shot it there and it was

amazing but again on this shoot I just felt like I felt like I had all the

tools to be a model I was moving well I could portray emotion you know I really

felt comfortable in front of the camera and I was a hard worker but that

insecurity kept me from progress you also have to remember all of a

sudden I was this girl that's insecure about her nose which is pretty normal in

like a regular surrounding to being a girl who is so insecure about her nose

in the modeling world surrounded by models being part of a fashion industry

having all these amazing opportunities that are there for you to take I just

don't believe in myself enough to do it so for me my nose became kind of the

source of all the problems in the world and it really like did a number on me

you know in my brain like it obviously was much more exaggerated than it

actually was my mother heard my concerns throughout the years and she decided

that you know what if this is really what's gonna fix it for you and if this

is something that's stopping you from really becoming who you want to be and

going after the things that you want let's do it and back then I know shop

was a huge deal it's not like today where you know you make a decision of

getting your nose done like going and buying a carton of milk in the

convenience store so it was a much bigger deal both financially and you

know physically and everything and my mother decided to take that risk and it

cost a lot of money especially for us I mean we're just you know lower middle

class and I'm forever grateful for my mother for listening to me and for kind

of trying to do everything that she can to make sure that this won't be an issue

so I got my nose done I was 16 already getting my nose done I thought would be

the solution for all my insecurities and all my issues with myself and hopefully

you know by now that it is not once I got my nose done I was still you know

the same girl with the same kind of weird image of herself insecure doesn't

know where she belongs who she is what she's good at what she's not every

little comment and every little critic every little look made me feel like you

know I was doing something wrong you know just really emphasize my security

more and more and again I was going through all of this that I think is

pretty normal to a lot of teenage girls but I was going through

of this while modeling and while being you know at shoots where I'm getting my

picture taking and there's 40 people behind the camera or standing looking at

me and whispering and in my head because it was so insecure we start or they're

talking about me I'm doing something wrong we're in theory the world doesn't

revolve around you they were talking about work or other stuff or whatever it

is I was like Valera your nose you know the nose problem is gone and yet you're

still so insecure and compare yourself to so many other people and so many

other girls and if it's not the nose and it's the boobs and if it said the booze

and it's the hair and you're not tall enough and you're not fat enough and

you're not skinny enough and you're not this and you're not that it was this

constant blabbering so I wish I wish that back then I had a role model that I

could look up to I had access to some of the people that are online personalities

now that really focus on putting a spotlight on the things that you love

about yourself that are bigger than just the way you look I wish I had all of

that I didn't know any better and if I think now you know if I was back in that

position in today's age of social media and people and I don't know if I would

get my nose done I don't know I think that today there are so many awesome

voices out there to remind you of you know your worth and how to find your

Worth and how to define yourself outside of like little boxes that society

created for us so I don't know if I would get it done again back to that 16

year old who had this small nose that fitted the rest of my features I didn't

do anything else on my face some people asked me if I ever got my lips done I

didn't if you see my mom and my brother they have huge lips so that's something

that I was blessed with and they actually grew a little bit after my

pregnancies which is weird but I'm not complaining my nose was done I was still

lost in the world and that's when I was working as a model I was traveling a lot

if you've seen any of my previous videos about my modern experience you know that

I traveled a lot around the world for work and I was alone by myself a lot

like a lot and at first it felt really sad and I was a little depressed and

lonely and then it turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to me

because that's when I started really evaluating myself and redefining who I

was I was away from high school I was away from my friends you know that were

always kind of this cushion and this comfort zone for me I just stripped all

these labels that I had that I put on myself or that I let other people put on

me and I just started figuring myself out by myself on my own terms and being

exposed to so many people and so many places and so many experiences it really

put me in a place where I drew the best things that I loved about all these

experiences and people and really kind of built myself from those

characteristics so I'm forever grateful for the fashion industry for putting me

in a position where I had nowhere to run from myself and it wasn't anymore about

being the pretty girl you're in a world of everyone's pretty everyone is

beautiful and everyone's models and so I really had to start digging deeper I

decided to really talk about this because I specifically got this one

email I think about a few months ago maybe eight months ago that kind of

heard me in a way the fact that I got my nose done

and the fact that I talked about self-love it never really made me feel

like I'm being fake about something because again I went to that experience

where I got my nose fixed and it didn't fix who I was I had to fix it I had to

figure out who I was so I got this email from a person the way it was written was

kind of nasty they were just like how do you sit down and preach self-love when

you have your nose fixed and you're pretending to be all these things that

you are and you're such a liar in such a fake up until then I never even thought

about the whole nose job thing because it just like happened so long ago but I

responded to that email and thank you so much for your email and for

the fact that my nose concerns you so much but this is something that I went

through it was something that's kind of a personal experience and it's my choice

and my right to speak about it whenever I feel the need to and I also mentioned

you know if you think that fixing my nose made me to love myself and made me

confident and self-assured and secured then you obviously don't understand the

concept of self-love because some of the most most insecure girls that I've met

were models that were probably some of the most beautiful women I've ever met

in my life so there is no connection there she actually responded back being

you know what I'm really sorry for being so aggressive you're right

it is your right to talk about whatever it is it's something that you went

through as you know it's something personal and I would just love to hear

this story whenever you decide to do it so just kind of I think replying with

not with anger but just with compassion understanding because I kind of also

understood what she was coming from I never thought about it that way it's

just that's kind of when I started thinking about okay I need to make this

video so I'm making it today my nose job is never something that I lied about if

people ever asked me I told them I didn't know that my life is gonna lead

me to being in social media and being part of this world and you know having