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  • After Trump was impeached back in December,

  • Nancy Pelosi didn't pass the articles on to the Senate.

  • Instead, she chose to hold on to them, tight,

  • tighter than Mike Pence's sphincter

  • in a room with two women.

  • Yeah. Temptation often passes through the back door.

  • But, but, today,

  • after a month of tension,

  • Pelosi finally announced she's handing the articles

  • over to the Senate so they can hold the trial.

  • And I don't know what was going on with Nancy today,

  • but, at her press conference,

  • she seemed a little spaced out.

  • Good morning, everyone.

  • This is a very important day for us.

  • And as you know, I've referenced temporal markers

  • that our founders and our poets and others

  • have used over time,

  • uh, to place us in time

  • to emphasize the importance of time.

  • Because everything is about time.

  • (laughter)

  • Yeah, and speaking of timing,

  • it feels like Pelosi's edibles just kicked in

  • at the wrong moment there.

  • What was that?

  • "All of us are just clocks telling time.

  • "We all have hands and faces

  • and little tiny batteries.

  • Now, I-I think, I think the point Pelosi was trying to make

  • is that she feels that, after a month of waiting,

  • now is the right time to pass impeachment to the Senate.

  • But handing over the articles of impeachment

  • isn't as simple as handing over your mom to a nursing home.

  • No, an occasion like this calls for a little ceremony.

  • REPORTER: They are going to be marching the articles

  • from the House Chamber through the Statuary Hall,

  • through the rotunda, along the second floor of the Capitol,

  • past the Old Senate Chamber,

  • through the Ohio Clock corridor

  • and then eventually to the Senate Chamber.

  • REPORTER 2: Those documents now are-are being taken

  • from the House of Representatives

  • through Statuary Hall.

  • They'll be going into the Capitol rotunda,

  • uh, to the Senate to present the articles of impeachment.

  • Mr. President, I have been directed

  • by the House of Representatives to inform the Senate

  • the House has passed H.Res.798,

  • a resolution appointing and authorizing managers

  • for the impeachment trial

  • of Donald John Trump,

  • president of the United States.

  • So,

  • we're all just gonna pretend nobody invented e-mail?

  • Is that what's happening? It's 2020.

  • Just send it as a PDF.

  • These people are marching the articles down the hallway.

  • It looks like the most morose pizza delivery ever.

  • "That'll be $24.99."

  • And just as an aside, what was up with that graphic?

  • What was that, from the news, huh?

  • We don't need to see an arrow making love

  • to the Senate Chamber to understand

  • how people enter a room.

  • They're walking across the building. It's a straight line.

  • It's a hallway. We get it.

  • So, now,

  • so now that the Senate has the articles of impeachment,

  • the big fight is now going to be about whether or not

  • the trial will include new witnesses and new evidence.

  • Because, you see, just yesterday,

  • we learned new details about Trump

  • and his shady dealings with Ukraine.

  • REPORTER: The new evidence collected

  • by congressional investigators comes

  • from Lev Parnas, an associate

  • of Trump's personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani--

  • 59 pages of records, including text messages,

  • e-mails and handwritten notes,

  • including one scrawled on hotel stationery that reads...

  • (reading):

  • And there's a letter from Giuliani requesting

  • a meeting with Ukraine's then president-elect Zelensky,

  • emphasizing Giuliani was working in his capacity

  • as personal counsel to President Trump

  • and with his knowledge and consent.

  • No, seriously?

  • They wrote down the plot of their crime and then kept it?

  • That is a literal paper trail.

  • Why would you do that?

  • What, were they just hanging around, like,

  • "You have to keep the receipts"?

  • Like, "Isn't that taxes?"

  • "No, no, it's for crimes, too.

  • You have to keep them."

  • Only Donald Trump would hire henchmen

  • who are also into scrapbooking.

  • Like, they're like a bunch of criminal Martha Stewarts.

  • You know? Also known as Martha Stewarts.

  • So, so that's where we are now.

  • That's the latest update.

  • We are on the cusp of the Senate trial,

  • with new information still trickling out as we speak.

  • And we'll see how many senators decide they're interested

  • in hearing more evidence.

  • But at least for Nancy Pelosi, her job is now done.

  • She held the hearings, she made impeachment happen

  • and she passed the articles on to the Senate.

  • And now she's earned some time,

  • much needed time to chill

  • with Kelso and Fez in the basement.

  • I was thinking about the Incredible Hulk.

  • I like that show.

  • Especially the part where he gets all, like, mad

  • and turns green, and then his shirt rips off.

  • But then I was thinking, like,

  • what if he was purple... and a lady?

  • As you know, I've referenced temporal markers

  • that our founders and our poets and others have used

  • over time, uh, to place us in time,

  • to emphasize the importance of time,

  • because everything is about time.

  • (laughter)

  • So, no more for Nancy. She's toasted.

  • I knew Nancy had that good shit.

After Trump was impeached back in December,

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ナンシー・ペロシの弾劾デモ行進&レフ・パルナスの紙の軌跡|ザ・デイリーショー (Nancy Pelosi’s Impeachment Procession & Lev Parnas’s Paper Trail | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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