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  • You may remember that Venezuela is a country in chaos right now.

  • The economy has crashed, people can't afford food,

  • and two men both claim to be the rightful leader--

  • President Nicolás Maduro

  • and the head of the Venezuelan congress, Juan Guaidó.

  • And over the weekend, there was an awkward moment

  • when Guaidó showed up at the office

  • and found that Maduro had changed the locks.

  • WOMAN: There was chaos outside Venezuela's

  • opposition-controlled National Assembly.

  • Security forces blocked opposition leader Juan Guaidó

  • from presiding over a special session of congress

  • to elect a leader.

  • At one point yesterday, Guaidó tried to climb a fence,

  • but was prevented from entering.

  • Guaidó has been recognized as Venezuela's head

  • by more than 50 nations, including the U.S.

  • Opposition leaders blamed President Nicolás Maduro

  • for the move to try and oust Guaidó.

  • Goddamn!

  • What is going on in Venezuela?

  • It's like Southern America Ninja Warrior.

  • What is that?

  • Politicians are trying to climb over the fence just to vote.

  • That would never happen in America.

  • Can you imagine Mitch McConnell climbing a fence

  • to try to get into Congress?

  • Although he probably wouldn't climb.

  • He would just try and ooze through the bars.

  • (laughter)

  • He'd just be like, "Yeah, I'm-I'm mostly skin. Yeah.

  • Mm. Yeah."

  • Seriously, I'm very impressed by Guaidó,

  • because there's no vote that would be important enough

  • for me to try and jump a fence

  • that had all of those sharp points on top of it.

  • I'd be like, "Uh, is this a vote

  • "to replace my testicles for free?

  • Uh, then, no, I'm gonna wait outside."

  • I bet there was one politician inside the building

  • who was like, "I wonder which way Guaidó's gonna vote,

  • "because right now, he seems to be on the fence!

  • "Get it? Get it?

  • Just me? Okay."

  • (applause and cheering)

  • All right, and finally...

  • if you love chocolate, first of all,

  • congratulations on being basic, and, second, prepare to pay up.

  • The top two cocoa producers in the world--

  • this is front page news in the Wall Street Journal--

  • have decided to join forces and form a cocoa cartel.

  • Ivory Coast and Ghana, combined,

  • produce about two-thirds of the world's cocoa supply.

  • MAN 2: Wow.

  • MAN: And they are banding together to raise prices.

  • So you can expect the cost of candy bars, ice cream and cake

  • to go up about 16%.

  • Premium cocoa prices are due to take effect in October.

  • This is a super interesting story,

  • 'cause on the one hand, you think of chocolate bars...

  • -Yeah. -...and you think, like, Willy Wonka,

  • -and, like, everyone's having fun. -Right. -Yes.

  • -Nah. -And the golden ticket, yes.

  • All right, this is big.

  • Two of the world's biggest cocoa producers have teamed up

  • to form the cocoa cartel,

  • which also happens to be my stripper name.

  • (laughter)

  • Don't forget. Tickets are still available

  • for the show at the Man Cave next Tuesday.

  • The DJ doesn't come in that early,

  • so I need you guys to hum Britney Spears while I dance.

  • (laughter)

  • But for real, but for real, it's a cocoa cartel.

  • It's a real thing. Sounds like a lot of fun.

  • 'Cause now I'm imagining, like, cocoa dealers

  • opening briefcases of cocoa powder.

  • Like, "This better be pure."

  • And just like, "Mmm!

  • Mr. Toblerone will be very pleased."

  • (laughter)

  • It's also funny how, when the news anchor said,

  • "Most people think of chocolate, they think of Willy Wonka."

  • Who? Who thinks that?

  • 'Cause you realize Africa makes 75% of the world's cocoa, right?

  • So if Charlie got a golden ticket in real life,

  • they would ship him to Ghana to meet the real Willy Wonka.

  • -Yeah, that's who that would be. -(applause)

  • That would be the real Willy Wonka.

  • (applause and cheering)

  • That movie would be completely different if it was real life.

  • Charlie would be there in the factory.

  • Willy Wonka would be like, "Now, Charlie, look at me.

  • "Look at me, Charlie.

  • "You are the captain now, okay?

  • "That fat German kid had to die, Charlie,

  • "because you are the best.

  • "So if anyone comes, you tell them

  • you are running everything here, all right?"

You may remember that Venezuela is a country in chaos right now.

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ベネズエラの政治的カオスとココアカルテルの台頭|ザ・デイリーショー (Political Chaos in Venezuela & The Rise of a Cocoa Cartel | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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