Placeholder Image

字幕表 動画を再生する

  • Impeachment.

  • It's the constitutional way of saying bye Felicia.

  • The magical

  • Wonderful road to impeachment

  • Who knows where it'll go

  • - That's probably presidential harassment.

  • - You may remember that after Trump was impeached

  • back in December, Nancy Pelosi

  • didn't pass the articles onto the Senate.

  • Instead, she chose to hold onto them tight.

  • Tighter than Mike Pence's sphincter

  • in a room with two women.

  • And temptation often passes through the back door.

  • But, but today.

  • After a month of tension, Pelosi finally announced

  • she's handing the articles over to the Senate

  • so that they can hold the trial.

  • And I don't know what was going on with Nancy today,

  • but at her press conference, she seemed

  • a little spaced out.

  • - Good morning everyone.

  • This is a very important day for us

  • and as you know, I'm referenced temple markers

  • that are founders and our poets and others

  • have used over time to places in time

  • to emphasize the importance of time.

  • Because everything is about time.

  • - Yeah, and speaking of timing,

  • it feels like Pelosi's edibles just kicked

  • in at the wrong moment there.

  • I think the point Pelosi was trying to make

  • is that she feels that after a month of waiting,

  • now is the right time to pass impeachment

  • to the Senate.

  • But handing over the Articles of Impeachment

  • isn't as simple as handing over

  • your mom to a nursing home, no.

  • An occasion like this calls for a little ceremony.

  • - [Announcer] They are going to be marching

  • that articles from the House Chamber

  • through the Statuary Hall, through the Rotunda,

  • along the second floor of the Capitol,

  • past the Old Senate Chamber,

  • through the Ohio Clock Corridor

  • and then eventually to the Senate Chamber.

  • - [Narrator] Those documents now are being taken

  • from the House of Representatives

  • through Statuary Hall.

  • They'll be going into the Capitol Rotunda

  • to the Senate to present that Articles of Impeachment.

  • - Mr. President.

  • I have been directed by the House of Representatives

  • to inform the Senate the House has passed

  • H.Res.798, a resolution appointing

  • and authorizing managers for the impeachment trial

  • of Donald John Trump,

  • President of the United States.

  • - So, we're all just gonna pretend

  • nobody invented email.

  • And just as an aside, what was up with that graphic.

  • What was that from the news, huh?

  • We don't need to see an arrow making love

  • to the Senate Chamber to understand how

  • people enter a room.

  • They're walking across the building,

  • it's a straight line, it's a hallway, we get it.

  • (audience laughing)

  • So now, so now that the Senate has

  • the Articles of Impeachment,

  • the big fight is now going to be

  • about whether or not the trial will include

  • new witnesses and new evidence.

  • Because you see, just yesterday,

  • we learned new details about Trump

  • and his shady dealings with Ukraine.

  • - [Announcer] The new evidence collected

  • by congressional investigators comes

  • from Lev Parnas, an associate of Trump's

  • personal attorney, Rudy Giuliani,

  • 59 pages of records, including text messages,

  • emails and handwritten notes.

  • Including one scrawled on hotel stationary

  • that reads quote get Zalensky to announce

  • that the Biden case will be investigated.

  • And there's a letter from Giuliani requesting

  • a meeting with Ukraine's then President-Elect Zalensky

  • emphasizing Giuliani was working in his capacity

  • as personal counsel to President Trump

  • and with his knowledge and consent.

  • - No, seriously.

  • They wrote down the plot of their crime

  • and then kept it.

  • That is a literal paper trail.

  • Why would you do that?

  • What, were they just hanging around like

  • you have to keep the receipts.

  • Like isn't that taxes?

  • No, no, it's for crimes, too.

  • You have to keep them.

  • Only Donald Trump would hire henchmen

  • who are also into scrapbooking.

  • They're like a bunch of criminal Martha Stewarts, you know,

  • also known as Martha Stewarts.

  • Trump's impeachment trial is set to begin next week.

  • And with any impeachment trial,

  • the Senate will serve as the jury.

  • So this afternoon, all the senators were sworn in

  • by Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts

  • and then they signed their names one by one

  • as what's known as the oath book.

  • Yeah, it was a really solemn moment,

  • and also the first time ever that anyone's ever

  • has asked to Ted Cruz's autograph.

  • Now, the one big question hanging over this trial has been

  • will Republican senators allow new witnesses to testify?

  • Well, apparently, some of those witnesses

  • aren't waiting to find out.

  • They're just showing up on TV, right?

  • And the conversation everyone's talking about right now

  • is Rachel Maddow's interview with Lev Parnas,

  • an association of Rudy Giuliani,

  • and a man with seven different hairstyles all at once.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Now, Parnas is important because unlike

  • some previous witnesses who only heard

  • about what's going on, he claims that he was working

  • closely with Rudy Giuliani to get dirt on the Bidens.

  • So if those who smelled the borscht,

  • he actually made it and now he's telling

  • all of America how it went down.

  • - President Trump knew exactly what was going on.

  • He was aware of all of my movements.

  • He, I wouldn't do anything with the consent

  • of Rudy Giuliani or the President.

  • - Are you saying specifically,

  • and I want to sort of drill down on that,

  • that the President was aware that you

  • and Mr. Giuliani were working on this effort

  • in Ukraine to basically try to hurt

  • Joe Biden's political career?

  • He knew about that?

  • - Yeah, well, it was all about Joe Biden, Hunter Biden.

  • It was never about corruption.

  • It was never strictly about the Burisma,

  • which included Hunter Biden and Joe Biden.

  • - That's a big deal coming from Rudy Giuliani's

  • right-hand man.

  • This would be like if Luigi went on Rachel Maddow

  • like Mario doesn't care about the princess.

  • He just love to murder turtles.

  • He wants to kill all of them,

  • he's a very sick man.

  • It'll be huge.

  • (audience applauding and cheering)

  • Now the White House, the White House

  • has responded to this interview

  • saying that Parnas is a liar.

  • They're saying he's only saying this

  • because he's been indicted

  • for campaign finance fraud

  • and so now he's trying to get a lighter sentence,

  • like the Ukrainian's Tekashi 6ix9ine.

  • And Trump has gone one step further saying

  • that he doesn't even know what a Lev Parnas is,

  • much less that he gave him instructions

  • to give him dirt on Joe Biden.

  • To which Parnas is now responding, picks, it did happen.

  • - The President of the United States said

  • he didn't know you.

  • - I don't know those gentlemen.

  • Now it's possible I have a picture with him

  • because I have a picture with everybody.

  • I don't know them.

  • - I welcome him to say that even more.

  • Every time he says that, I'll show him another picture.

  • - [Anderson] He's lying.

  • - He's lying.

  • - I hope when Parnas does release the pictures,

  • it just gets steadily more incriminating, you know.

  • It would be funny if like at first

  • they're just at a party together,

  • you know, then in the next picture they're riding together

  • on Space Mountain.

  • Then eventually like all pictures

  • will just end up with like nudes.

  • You know, that's where it's gonna go.

  • Yeah, Trump will be like

  • that doesn't mean anything.

  • I take nudes with everyone.

  • So many nudes.

  • (audience applauding and cheering)

  • So, the third presidential impeachment trial

  • in American history began today.

  • And because impeachment is such

  • a momentous occasion, the Senate had to kick

  • things off with a formal proclamation.

  • - The U.S. is about to take on an historic

  • and perhaps grueling task.

  • The impeachment trial of President Donald Trump.

  • - Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye.

  • All persons are commanded to keep silent

  • on pain of imprisonment

  • while the Senate of the United States

  • is sitting for the trial of the Articles of Impeachment,

  • exhibited by the House of Representatives,

  • against Donald John Trump,

  • President of the United States.

  • - Hear ye, hear ye, hear ye.

  • It's one of those phrases that has to be shouted.

  • Certain phrases have to be shouted,

  • like make some noise or you're not even my real dad.

  • (audience laughing)

  • Gotta shout certain things.

  • And despite the ASMR intro,

  • Trump's impeachment trial is already filled with drama.

  • Just look at the all-star defense team

  • President Trump put together, right?

  • This is an insane team that Trump collected.

  • It's got Ken Starr, the lawyer who is famous

  • for doing the investigation that led to

  • Bill Clinton's impeachment.

  • And it's got Alan Dershowitz,

  • who's famous for defending O.J. Simpson.

  • So these lawyers are perfect for trial

  • because they have experience

  • with super guilty people and super horny presidents.

  • It's great, it's a good combination.

  • But I will say this, Trump's lawyers

  • may want to polish up their defense strategy

  • because things have already gotten off

  • to a rocky start.

  • - [Announcer] The President's legal team

  • offering the first glimpse of their defense.

  • The President did not wrong, did not commit a crime,

  • and even the Democrats' argument of abuse of power

  • does not rise to an impeachable offense.

  • Something one of his lawyers Alan Dershowitz

  • maintained over the weekend.

  • - The Articles of Impeachment are two

  • non-criminal actions.

  • - [Announcer] But many constitutional scholars disagree.

  • Trump's lawyer, Alan Dershowitz himself once argued

  • the opposite during the Clinton impeachment.

  • - This certainly doesn't have to be a crime.

  • If you have somebody who completely corrupts

  • the Office of President.

  • - This is really interesting.

  • What he said in the 90s was, in fact, correct.

  • And what he's saying now is also, in fact, correct.

  • - Previously you said it doesn't have to be a crime