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  • BESIDES THE ELECTION, YESTERDAY WAS ALSO ANOTHER BIG NIGHT FOR

  • THE CORONAVIRUS.

  • I'LL TELL YOU ALL ABOUT IT IN OUR BRAND NEW, HOPEFULLY

  • SOON-TO-BE-CURED SEGMENT: "GOIN' VIRAL."

  • TODAY, TRUMP MET WITH AIRLINE EXECUTIVES AND TOLD THEM HE'S

  • BEEN FOLLOWING THE CORONAVIRUS SAFETY GUIDELINES, AND HE

  • ADMITS IT'S BEEN HARD.

  • >> I HAVEN'T TOUCHED MY FACE IN WEEKS!

  • .IN WEEKS!

  • WHOOSHHs.

  • I MISS IT.

  • >> Stephen: YOU HAVEN'T TOUCHED YOUR FACE IN YEARS.

  • YOUR FACE HAS BEEN QUARANTINED BEHIND A THICK LAYER OF BRONZER.

  • NOW WITH MORE CASES-- IT'S ANTIBACTERIAL.

  • IT'S ANTIBACTERIAL IS WHAT IT IS.

  • NOW, WITH MORE CASES TURNING UP IN NEW YORK, THE CITY IS UPPING

  • THEIR PREVENTION GAME BY VOWING TO REGULARLY DISINFECT THE

  • SUBWAY EVERY 72 HOURS.

  • SO REST ASSURED: THAT PUDDLE OF URINE YOU SAT IN IS NO MORE THAN

  • THREE DAYS OLD.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AT MOST.

  • THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION IS HELPING OUT BY DEBUNKING

  • CORONAVIRUS MYTHS.

  • ON THEIR WEBSITE, THEY SAY, "SPRAYING ALCOHOL ALL OVER YOUR

  • BODY WILL NOT KILL VIRUSES THAT HAVE ALREADY ENTERED YOUR BODY."

  • OKAY, THAT'S IMPORTANT.

  • SPRAYING ALCOHOL ON THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR BODY DOESN'T AFFECT THE

  • VIRUSES INSIDE SO...

  • LET'S GET THIS WHERE IT'S NEEDED.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THE TINGLE MEANS IT'S WORKING.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ANOTHER THING-- DON'T GO FAR

  • WITH THAT.

  • ANOTHER THING THAT WON'T HELP MUCH IS EVIDENTLY A FACE MASK.

  • THE SURGEON GENERAL HIMSELF ANGER-TWEETED ABOUT IT.

  • "SERIOUSLY PEOPLE- STOP BUYING MASKS!

  • THEY ARE NOT EFFECTIVE IN PREVENTING GENERAL PUBLIC FROM

  • CATCHING CORONAVIRUS, BUT IF HEALTHCARE PROVIDERS CAN'T GET

  • THEM TO CARE FOR SICK PATIENTS, IT PUTS THEM AND OUR COMMUNITIES

  • AT RISK!" IT'S A GOOD MESSAGE.

  • I UNDERSTAND THAT.

  • BUT THAT TONE IS BOTH MORE CASUAL AND MORE ANGRY THAN YOU

  • WANT FROM THE SURGEON GENERAL OF THE UNITED STATES.

  • IT GOT EVEN WEIRDER WHEN HE RAGE-POSTED THIS ANGRY LADY

  • CAT MEME.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE ).

  • >> Jon: WOW!

  • WHAT A MEME!

  • WOW.

  • >> Stephen: ASIDE FROM OUR NATION'S MASK MANUFACTURERS,

  • THERE'S ANOTHER INDUSTRY THAT'S PROFITING OFF THE CONTAGION, AND

  • THAT'S PORN-- SPECIFICALLY, A WEBSITE WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO

  • NAME BUT THAT SERVES AS A HUB FOR VARIOUS KINDS OF PORN.

  • BECAUSE THE LATEST TREND IN ONLINE HORNINESS IS "CORONAVIRUS

  • PORN."

  • OF COURSE.

  • EVERY TIME WE GET AN EPIDEMIC, SOMEONE'S GOTTA MAKE A

  • PORNOGRAPHY OUT OF IT.

  • THAT'S WHAT GAVE US THE 1862 CLASSIC: "HUMPIN' 4 MUMPS."

  • ANOTHER, ANOTHER-- THAT WAS A NICKELODEON.

  • YOU HAD TO PUT YOUR FACE IN LIKE THIS.

  • ANOTHER UNFORESEEN VICTIM OF THE CORONAVIRUS IS THE WONDERFUL

  • WORLD OF SPORTS.

  • THEY'VE ALREADY HAD TO CANCEL THE WORLD INDOOR ATHLETICS

  • CHAMPIONSHIPS AND THE CHINESE GRAND PRIX, AND THE TOKYO

  • MARATHON USUALLY ATTRACTS 35,000 PARTICIPANTS.

  • HOWEVER, THIS YEAR, THERE WERE JUST 300 ELITE RUNNERS ALLOWED,

  • WHICH IS THE ONLY REASON I'M STANDING HERE RIGHT NOW INSTEAD

  • OF RUNNING THE TOKYO MARATHON, WHICH I TOTALLY WOULD HAVE DONE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE AMERICAN PASTIME, BAINL, IS

  • AFFECTED, TOO.

  • IN JAPAN, PRESEASON GAMES ARE BEING PLAYED IN EMPTY STADIUMS.

  • BUT BACK HERE IN THE STATES MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL IS GETTING

  • PREPARED BY UPDATING LYRICS FOR THE SEVENTH INNING STRETCH.

  • JUST STAY HOME FROM THE BALL GAME

  • KEEP AWAY FROM THE CROWDBUY ME SOME PURELL

  • AND FACIAL MASKSIF YOU CONTRACT IT

  • YOU'LL BLEED OUT YOUR ASS ♪ ♪ OH, WAIT MAYBE THAT ONE'S

  • EBOLAOR I COULD BE THINKING OF SARS

  • THERE ARE ONE TOO MANY DISEASES SO PLEASE STAY FAR

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH CHRIS

  • HAYES!

  • PLAY BALL!

BESIDES THE ELECTION, YESTERDAY WAS ALSO ANOTHER BIG NIGHT FOR

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B1 中級 新型コロナウイルス 新型肺炎 COVID-19

Trump Tries To Project Leadership As Coronavirus Spreads Across U.S. (Trump Tries To Project Leadership As Coronavirus Spreads Across U.S.)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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