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  • >> Stephen: DONALD TRUMP HAD A

  • ROCKY WEEKEND BUT SO DID TRUMP'S CHIEF OF STAFF MICK

  • MULVANEY, SEEN HERE JUST WAITING FOR THIS HEADLINE, "TRUMP FIRED

  • HIS CHIEF OF STAFF MICK MULVANEY."

  • THIS IS A LITLE SURPRISING BECAUSE BOTH MULVANEY AND TRUMP

  • JUST ATTENDED THE CONSERVATIVE POLITICAL ACTION CONFERENCE, OR

  • C-PAC, WHERE NOTHING SEEMED AMISS.

  • HOWEVER, THIS WEEKEND IT WAS DISCOVERED THAT A PERSON WHO

  • ATTENDED C-PAC HAS A CONFIRMED CASE OF CORONAVIRUS.

  • OKAY, THAT'S SERIOUS.

  • I WONDER IF GERMAPHOBE TRUMP BOOTED MULVANEY AFTER SEEING

  • MULVANEY'S TALK AT C-PAC.

  • HERE ARE THE HIGHLIGHTS.

  • ( COUGHING ) >> SOMETHING HAPPENS.

  • I USED TO RUN INTO THIS STUFF.

  • IT'S NOTING, LOOK AT IT.

  • WOULD YOU AGREE WITH ME?

  • IN TERMS OF A STYLE.

  • , THE LAST 20 -- YOU KNOW WHAT -- THANK YOU.

  • MIGHT BE ABLE TO TELL, I'VE GOT A LITTLE BIT OF A COLD.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: NOW, WE DON'T KNOW

  • THE IDENTITY OF THE C-PAC ATTENDEE WHO WAS INFECTED, BUT

  • ONE THING WE KNOW FOR SURE, "THE UNNAMED INDIVIDUAL" HAD NO

  • INTERACTION WITH TRUMP.

  • SO BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR THIS WOMAN.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) >> Jon: OH!

  • >> Stephen: PLAY IT SAFE.

  • TRUMP DID REPORTEDLY SHAKE HANDS WITH C-PAC CHAIRMAN MATT SCHLAPP

  • WHO HAD INTERACTED WITH THE INFECTED PERSON, WHICH MAKES THE

  • PRESIDENT JUST TWO DEGREES OF SEPARATION AWAY FROM THE VIRUS.

  • OH, NO!

  • CORONAVIRUS IS BASED ON DEGREES OF SEPARATION?

  • SOMEONE CHECK ON KEVIN BACON!

  • HE'S A POTENT DISEASE VECTOR!

  • HE WAS PATIENT ZERO FOR DANCE FEVER.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ONE PERSON WHO DID HAVE

  • SUSTAINED CONTACT WITH THE INDIVIDUAL IS TEXAS SENATOR AND

  • CHONKY WOLVERINE, TED CRUZ.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) CRUZ HAS NO SYMPTOMS, BUT JUST

  • TO BE SAFE, HE HAS SAID THAT HE WILL BE SELF ISOLATING.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) YES.

  • ADDING, "IN FACT, JUST TO BE SAFE, I'VE BEEN SELF ISOLATING

  • FOR YEARS.

  • THAT'S WHY I EAT ALONE IN THE SENATE CAFETERIA, I HAD NO

  • FRIENDS IN COLLEGE, AND NO ONE CAME TO MY BIRTHDAY PARTY WHEN I

  • WAS SIX.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) HE'S JUST DOING HIS PART.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) MANY C-PAC ATTENDEES HAD BEEN

  • SKEPTICAL ABOUT THE SERIOUSNESS OF THE VIRUS, LIKE ARIZONA

  • CONGRESSMAN AND DAD TRYING OUT BANGS, PAUL GOSAR.

  • FOUR DAYS AGO, GOSAR COMPLAINED ABOUT THE COST OF THE

  • CORONAVIRUS RESPONSE, TWEETING "SO THE HOUSE JUST PASSED

  • ADDITIONAL $7.7 BILLION FOR 80 CASES OF U.S. CORONA VIRUS UNDER

  • REVIEW.

  • THAT'S $9,625,000 PER PATIENT."

  • WELL-- AND THIS MAY SHOCK YOU-- GOSAR IS A DUMB ASS, BECAUSE

  • TODAY HE TWEETED, "I AM ANNOUNCING THAT I, ALONG WITH

  • THREE OF MY SENIOR STAFF, ARE OFFICIALLY UNDER SELF QUARANTINE

  • AFTER SUSTAINED CONTACT AT C-PAC WITH A PERSON WHO HAS SINCE BEEN

  • HOSPITALIZED WITH THE WUHAN VIRUS.

  • MY OFFICE WILL BE CLOSED FOR THE WEEK."

  • THAT'S LIKE GETTING A TEXT FROM YOUR FRIEND THAT SAYS, "I DON'T

  • BELIEVE IN GHOSTS," THEN THE NEXT DAY, "TRAPPED IN A HAUNTED

  • MANSION OH MY GOD THERE'S NO WAY THIS NOISE IS JUST THE WIND.

  • EVERY DOOR I OPEN IS ANOTHER STAIRCASE.

  • MY OFFICE WILL BE CLOSED FOR THE WEEK."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • SO REPRESENTATIVE GOSAR IS UNDER SELF QUARANTINE.

  • AND I'M NOT SURE HE'S DOING TOO WELL, BECAUSE THIS AFTERNOON HE

  • TWEETED, "BEEN THINKING ABOUT LIFE AND MORTALITY TODAY.

  • I'D RATHER DIE GLORIOUSLY IN BATTLE THAN FROM A VIRUS.

  • IN A WAY, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

  • BUT IT KINDA DOES."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WOW.

  • WOW.

  • THAT'S DEEP.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WHAT A DEEP THINKER.

  • "I COULD BE THINKING ABOUT HOW TO USE MY OFFICE TO HELP THE

  • PUBLIC, BUT INSTEAD I'M SKETCHING IN MY DREAM JOURNAL,

  • 'CAUSE IN A WAY FIXING THINGS ISN'T MY JOB, BUT IT KINDA IS."

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LOOKS LIKE THE PRESIDENT IS NOW

  • ONE DEGREE OF SEPARATION FROM THE VIRUS BECAUSE TODAY

  • TRUMP CONGRESSIONAL BUDDY DOUG COLLINS TWEETED THAT HE TOO

  • SHOOK HANDS WITH THE ANONYMOUS C-PAC CORONAVIRUS DONOR, AND IS

  • CURRENTLY IN SELF QUARANTINE.

  • THANKFULLY, SINCE C-PAC ENDED COLLINS HAS LAID LOW AND ONLY

  • SHAKEN THE HAND OF ONE LEADER OF THE FREE WORLD.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LOOK AT THAT!

  • JIM, CAN YOU PLAY THAT CLIP AGAIN AND THIS TIME PLAY IT ALL

  • THE WAY TO THE END?

  • THERE HE IS.

  • AND -- OH!

  • IT'S A LONGE!

  • ( LAUGHTER ) YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WASH YOUR

  • HANDS FOR 20 SECONDS, NOT SHAKE HANDS FOR 20 SECOND.

  • HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME ♪ ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME

  • ♪ I'VE GOT THE CORONAVIRUS ♪ ♪

  • KEEP THAT CRUISE SHIP AT SEA ♪ ( LAUGHTER )

  • UNFORTUNATELY, IT WASN'T JUST COLLINS.

  • BECAUSE WE ALSO GOT A SELF-QUARANTINE STATEMENT FROM

  • FLORIDA CONGRESSMAN AND MAN WHOSE HAT SIZE IS "CINDERBLOCK,"

  • MATT GAETZ.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WELL, AT LEAST GAETZ DIDN'T

  • SHAKE TRUMP'S HAND.

  • INSTEAD, HE WAS SEEN BOARDING AIR FORCE ONE WITH TRUMP TODAY.

  • HIS TIMING COULD NOT HAVE BEEN WORSE.

  • GAETZ ONLY LEARNED THAT HE'D BEEN EXPOSED TO THE VIRUS AFTER

  • AIR FORCE ONE LIFTED OFF FROM ORLANDO.

  • HE THEN ESSENTIALLY QUARANTINED HIMSELF, SITTING IN A SECTION OF

  • THE PLANE ALONE.

  • OH, THAT DEFINITELY WORKS!

  • I'M GOING TO SIT IN THE PRESSURIZE CABIN WHERE THEY

  • REPSYCH THE AIR.

  • HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE?

  • IF SOMEONE ON FIRST CLASS EATS AN ONION, YOU CRY IN COACH.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WELL, THIS IS A NATIONAL CRISIS

  • AND TRUMP SAID IT AT THE C.D.C., FOR THE SAFETY OF ALL AMERICANS,

  • WE SHOULD NOT LET DONALD TRUMP LAND!

  • (AS TRUMP) "THINK OF THE NUMBERS.

  • MY BEAUTIFUL NUMBERS."

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )

  • "MY -- BEAUTIFUL --" WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOHN KRASINSKI!

>> Stephen: DONALD TRUMP HAD A

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マット・ゲイツ議員はエアフォースワンで自己検疫を余儀なくされました トランプ大統領が搭乗しています (Rep. Matt Gaetz Forced To Self-Quarantine On Air Force One With President Trump On Board)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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