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  • -I was just wondering. I wanted to ask the audience:

  • If you guys wouldn't mind, I'd like to write out

  • my thank-you notes right now. Is that okay?

  • [ Cheering and applause ]

  • Zhams?

  • [ Laughter ] Can I get some

  • thank-you note writing music, please?

  • [ Playing poignant tune ]

  • That top keyboard he never uses.

  • -Wow, never has used it once.

  • -Never uses it. Only uses the bottom one.

  • -Serves cold cuts on it.

  • -Yeah. [ Laughter ]

  • [ Fresh laughter and applause ]

  • ♪♪

  • -Thank you, impeachment trial,

  • for being a lot like "The Bachelor" --

  • Televised, dramatic, mostly white,

  • and the only thing we know for sure is

  • that the guy's gonna get off at the end.

  • [ Laughter and applause ] -Ooh!

  • -Both: Oh, no!

  • -That's spicy! -Oh, no!

  • -No, you did not. -Oh, I did.

  • -Wow! -[Chuckle]

  • ♪♪ [ Laughter ]

  • Thank you, Senators chewing gum, passing notes,

  • and using fidget spinners to pass the time.

  • It's nice to know an impeachment trial basically looks like

  • a middle school audience during a fire safety assembly.

  • [ Laughter, applause, and cheering ]

  • -Nice.

  • ♪♪ [ Laughter ]

  • -Thank you, Grammy Awards,

  • for awarding both Record of the Year and Album of the Year

  • and forcing me to guess what the difference is.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • [ Cheering ] -It's nothin'. -Record?

  • -What is the difference? Quest, you would know.

  • -Well, Album of the Year is the collection of songs;

  • Record of the Year is one specific song;

  • and Song of the Year is just for the songwriter,

  • not the artist.

  • [ Audience oohs ] -Ohhh, nice.

  • -[snapping fingers] So like Record of the Year is a single.

  • -Did you just snap? -Yeah, I did.

  • [ Snapping fingers ] [ Laughter ]

  • -Like, that's how you clap? -That's how I appreciate

  • someone's knowledge imparted to me.

  • My, thank you, Quest.

  • [ Laughter ] -You're welcome, Higgins.

  • -I like that.

  • You guys wanna do that?

  • [ Snapping fingers ] It's pretty cool.

  • -Ooh, it sounds like --

  • -If you like the next joke, snap.

  • -Okay. [ Laughter ]

  • -Dude, we can start something. -Yeah, come in and start it.

  • Snap it. -Dude, bring back pipes.

  • Bring back snaps. -Pipes and beatniks

  • and snapping, man. -Alright. Here we go.

  • Let's see. What if they don't like it?

  • [ Snapping fingers ]

  • ♪♪ [ Laughter ]

  • Thank you, Super Bowl Halftime Show

  • starring J.Lo and Shakira.

  • Or, as most Americans are calling it,

  • the Feel Worse about my Butt Show.

  • [ Laughter ]

  • [ Snapping fingers ]

  • [ Fresh laughter ]

  • -Alright, forget it. I don't like it.

  • I don't like it. I don't like it.

  • A little too silent. -I understand, yes.

  • I understand. -Yeah. It's pretty cool, you know?

  • -[laughing] Please don't laugh uproariously. Just snap.

  • [ Laughter ] -We tried. We tried it.

  • You gotta try things.

  • -Hey, everything can't be a winner.

  • ♪♪ -Thank you,

  • Rob Lowe wearing an NFL hat to a playoff game,

  • for being the clothing equivalent of shouting,

  • "Go, football!"

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • [ Cheering ] He still looks good.

  • [ Cheering and applause ]

  • We have to have him on. -Come on.

  • -We have to have him on to talk to him about that

  • 'cause he's a funny -- -He's hilarious

  • and he always looks good. -He's a funny dude, yeah.

  • So it was like, "What was he...?"

  • I love that. -He's wearing an NFL hat.

  • Probably doing it as a goof. -"Go, football!"

  • [ Laughter ] So funny.

  • ♪♪ [ Fresh laughter ]

  • Thank you, the Super Bowl,

  • or, as the Giants and Jets call it,

  • fantasy football.

  • [ Audience oohs ] -Oh.

  • I know. I know, I know. -Ohhh!

  • Oh, no, you didn't.

  • -I know. I know what I did. -Oh, Jimmy, you cannot say that!

  • -I know what I did. -Don't be talkin' down my team.

  • -I know what I did. [ Laughter ]

  • ♪♪ [ Chuckle ]

  • Thank you, charcuterie platters,

  • for letting me slowly eat

  • an entire ham-and-cheese sandwich

  • before my dinner comes.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • [ Cheering ] -Oink!

  • -Yet, I still do it.

  • -I love 'em, man.

  • -Like, "I'll have sliders for an appetizer."

  • "What would you like for your main?"

  • "Oh, a hamburger."

  • [ Laughter ]

  • ♪♪

  • Thank you, viral photo of baby Jabba the Hutt,

  • for letting me know that the Mucinex Man

  • isn't the only talented one in his family.

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • ♪♪ [ Laughter ]

  • -Thank you, Uber, for making it seem normal

  • to open a stranger's car door and say,

  • "Jebediah?"

  • [ Laughter and applause ]

  • That might be my favorite thank-you note we've ever done.

  • -Jebediah.

  • Jebediah? Yes?

  • -Jebediah?

  • [ Laughter ]

  • -No.

  • -No, you're not Jebediah?

  • Sure. Sorry. My apologies. -I know. I'm leaving.

  • I'll take another Uber.

  • [ Laughter ] ♪♪

  • -Thank you, kombucha,

  • for being invented by someone who took a sip of tea

  • and was like, "Pretty good, but,

  • what if this had a fermented oyster inside of it?"

  • [ Laughter and applause ] Those are my thank-you notes.

-I was just wondering. I wanted to ask the audience:

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サンキューノート弾劾裁判、ジャバ・ザ・ハットの赤ちゃん (Thank You Notes: Impeachment Trial, Baby Jabba the Hutt)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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