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  • As the coronavirus continues to spread,

  • it's time for us to face the uncomfortable truth

  • that we're all going to come in contact with it at some point.

  • It's everywhere.

  • Europe has it. Africa has it. America has it.

  • The only person who doesn't have it

  • is that guy in the bunker in Parasite,

  • but he's got other problems.

  • Now, if you're in a sparsely populated area,

  • you might be okay,

  • but one of the worst things you can do right now

  • is be in any kind of cramped space

  • where people are packed tightly together, like a...

  • like a live studio audience for a late-night show.

  • Those people are screwed. But not you guys.

  • You guys are cool. You guys are fine.

  • You guys are fine.

  • And it's even worse if you're in a city like New York,

  • which is basically one big studio audience.

  • The good news is, though,

  • the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo, is taking action.

  • NEWSWOMAN: Governor Andrew Cuomo

  • has declared a state of emergency in New York

  • as dozens of new cases of coronavirus

  • are determined each day

  • with testing happening around the clock.

  • Contain, contain, contain.

  • Get a lead, chase it down. Get a lead, chase it down.

  • Find a positive, quarantine.

  • NEWSMAN: Governor Andrew Cuomo sounding the alarm

  • against riding the subways if you're sick.

  • If you see a packed train car,

  • let it go by.

  • Wait for the next train.

  • Yes. To minimize your risk in New York City,

  • you should wait for a less crowded train.

  • And we actually have a live image

  • of someone who's still waiting for a less crowded train.

  • (laughter and applause)

  • I'll miss you. I'll miss you, Granddad.

  • Let me give you a tip about New York.

  • There are no less crowded trains.

  • And if there is an empty car on the train,

  • whatever's in there is worse than corona.

  • Okay?

  • (cheering and applause)

  • No such thing as an empty train.

  • Even coronavirus would be like,

  • "Uh, if I were you, I'd wait for the next one.

  • "Yeah, just wait like me.

  • I'm going... I'm waiting for the next one."

  • (laughter and applause)

  • Now, although the governor gave some unhelpful advice,

  • he does have a plan to help ensure

  • that there's plenty of hand sanitizer

  • for the residents of New York.

  • We are introducing...

  • New York State Clean hand sanitizer

  • made, conveniently,

  • by the state of New York.

  • This is a superior product

  • to products now on the market.

  • This is 75% alcohol.

  • It has a very nice...

  • ...floral bouquet.

  • I detected lilac,

  • hydrangea, tulips.

  • What does it smell like to you?

  • No!

  • Why are you putting your hands in someone else's face?

  • (laughter)

  • That's the first rule of coronavirus!

  • What are you doing? Like, Cuomo's the kind of guy

  • who would open the door to prove the zombies are gone.

  • "I swear I don't hear them. Let me check."

  • (laughter)

  • But look, I will say a state making its own hand sanitizer

  • to give people free hand sanitizer

  • is a great idea. I love this.

  • Although I don't know why Cuomo's trying to sell us

  • on the great smell.

  • Right? There's coronavirus.

  • I'm buying the hand sanitizer. I'm taking it.

  • All right? You don't have to sell me on the frag...

  • Imagine if the captain of the Titanic was like,

  • "Everyone, get in the life rafts.

  • "And here's a fun bonus.

  • "They smell like fresh baked cookies.

  • "Also, they come in a really fun shade of yellow

  • just in time for spring."

  • It's like, "My man, you had me at, 'We're sinking.'

  • I'm in. I'm in."

  • (laughter)

  • Now, while we're waiting on government

  • to figure out a solution to corona,

  • the World Health Organization keeps reminding us

  • that there is a lot that us individuals can do

  • to prevent the spread of this disease.

  • So, for more on this information,

  • we're joined by our senior health expert,

  • Jaboukie Young-White, everybody.

  • (cheering and applause)

  • Jaboukie, it's really scary,

  • and everyone wants to know,

  • what are... what are some of the things

  • that people can do themselves about the coronavirus?

  • Okay, so, first of all, Trevor,

  • there is no need to panic.

  • All right?

  • Except for old people.

  • You guys are screwed.

  • "You guys"? I-I'm not... I'm not old.

  • (laughter)

  • Okay, well, we'll let corona be the judge of that.

  • (laughter)

  • Okay, well, anyway, Jaboukie,

  • I-I asked you to-to help us find the best hygiene practices

  • sanctioned by the World Health Organization.

  • -What-what has your research shown? -Yeah, okay.

  • So, I read this really interesting tweet that...

  • -A tweet? -Yeah. (laughs)

  • I read this tweet thread, which is basically a book.

  • -Yeah. -Okay.

  • And I learned that we need to stop shaking hands.

  • You know? Why do we even do that in the first place?

  • Like, seriously, whose idea was it for us to be like,

  • "Hey, you know those things that we use to wipe our butts?

  • "Let's rub 'em together.

  • Mmm! Booty fingers."

  • (laughter)

  • (cheering and applause)

  • -So... So, what's the first tip? -Okay.

  • So, my first tip.

  • If you are still shaking hands with people,

  • stop it.

  • Right now.

  • Stop that, you dirty bitch.

  • (laughter)

  • Well, I-I don't think anyone

  • is disagreeing with you about shaking hands.

  • It's actually why I've been using the elbow.

  • That way you don't even touch hands with people.

  • Elbows? (gags)

  • Mmm, Trevor, you're using your elbow?

  • How do you cough? What? What?

  • That's basically like eating someone's ass.

  • Well, what do... what do you mean?

  • What do you mean, how do I cough?

  • -Why is that bad? -No, just show...

  • Like, what you do when you cough?

  • -Show me what you do when you cough. -Well, when I cough,

  • I cough into... Oh, into my elbow,

  • and then I touch it to somebody's...

  • Exactly.

  • You're coughing directly into someone's ass.

  • (laughter)

  • Elbows are not as clean as people think.

  • As someone who takes a lot of showers with people,

  • I can tell you,

  • no one ever washes their elbow.

  • Okay, fine. So, Jaboukie, then,

  • -what's the best way to greet people? -Okay.

  • So, what I recommend is you put your hand

  • over your heart like so,

  • and then you bow.

  • Oh, that's-that's easy. That's easy.

  • -So it's just like... like this? -Yeah.

  • -Just, like, a little bit lower. -Oh.

  • -Yeah. -Like-like this?

  • Yeah. Well, you want to go low enough

  • to kiss your old ass goodbye, old man!

  • 'Cause corona is coming for you, Trevor!

  • Goddamn you, Jaboukie!

  • Jaboukie Young-White, everybody.

As the coronavirus continues to spread,

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B1 中級 新型コロナウイルス 新型肺炎 COVID-19

コロナウイルスにかからないようにする方法|ザ・デイリーショー (How to Avoid Catching Coronavirus | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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