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  • FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN

  • ACTOR, AUTHOR, AND ONE OF THE MOST POPULAR STAND-UP COMEDIANS

  • IN THE WORLD.

  • PLEASE WELCOME JIM GAFFIGAN!

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

  • >> Stephen: WELCOME BACK, PROFESSOR GAFFIGAN.

  • >> I AM A VERY AUTISTIC PERSON.

  • >> Stephen: VERY -- ( SPEAKING FOREIGN LANGUAGE )

  • ED.

  • >> THANK YOU, BUT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

  • >> Stephen: VERY DISTINGUISHED.

  • >> I HAD A REPORTER ASK ME ARE ALL STANDUP COMEDIANS SLOBS?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) I WAS, LIKE, I THINK THAT'S AN

  • INSULT, BUT NOW I'M DRESSED UP FOR YOUR SHOW.

  • THANK YOU FOR HAVING ME.

  • >> Stephen: WE'RE HAPPY TO GET YOU.

  • ALWAYS GLAD TO SNAG A FEW MINUTES WITH MR. GAFFIGAN

  • BECAUSE YOU'RE A BUSY MAN, ALWAYS ON TOUR.

  • ANY UNUSUAL VENUES?

  • >> I PRETTY MUCH PERFORM EVERYWHERE AND ANYWHERE.

  • I'M GOING INTERNATIONAL.

  • LAST YEAR I PERFORMED AT A RODEO.

  • >> Stephen: WOW!

  • BECAUSE I HAVE A GOOD AGENT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: OBVIOUSLY, I HAVE

  • TO ASK THE QUESTION -- >> IT WAS MY FIRST RODEO, IT

  • WAS.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )

  • IT WAS.

  • IT WAS.

  • AND I LOVE THAT SAYING, YOU KNOW, NOT MY FIRST RODEO, AS IF

  • THE SECOND RODEO IS WHEN IT MAKES SENSE.

  • YOU KNOW, IT'S, LIKE, OH, NOW I GET IT!

  • PEOPLE ARE RIDING ANIMALS THAT WANT TO BE LEFT ALONE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AT FIRST, I THOUGHT IT WAS AN

  • AGGRESSIVE PETTING ZOO, BUT IT WAS FASCINATING.

  • >> Stephen: MAY I ASK WHERE THIS WAS?

  • >> IT WAS AT THE SAN ANTONIO RODEO.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S A GOOD ONE.

  • A BIG TO-DO.

  • >> Stephen: YEAH.

  • AND IT WAS SO IMPRESSIVE, AND THERE'S DIFFERENT EVENTS, SOME

  • OF THEM MORE DANGEROUS THAN OTHERS, SOME OF THEM DIFFERENT

  • SKILLS, YOU KNOW, LIKE THERE'S THE CA CALF ROPING WHERE A GUY

  • CHASES DOWN A CALF.

  • YOU KNOW, LIKE COWS ARE SUPER FAST.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) WELL, IN THIS EVENT, A GUY

  • CHASES DOWN A BABY COW, BUT HE'S RIDING A HORSE, SO IT'S AN EVEN

  • RACE.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THEN HE LASSOS THE CALF AND

  • TIES IT UP AND WHOEVER DOES IT THE FASTEST IS MOST LIKELY TO BE

  • A SERIAL KILLER.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT IT WAS AMAZING, AND IT'S

  • JUST LIKE THESE PERFORMERS OR THESE COWBOYS ARE SO INTENSE.

  • AT ONE POINT, ONE OF THEM CAME UP TO ME AND GOES, YOU DO

  • STANDUP COMEDY?

  • I COULD NEVER DO THAT.

  • AND THEN HE PROCEEDED TO CLIMB ON A BULL.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) AND THE WORLD NEVER MADE SENSE

  • AGAIN.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: DO YOU HAVE A

  • FAVORITE EVENT YOU LIKE TO WATCH?

  • >> I MEAN, THE BULL RIDING WAS -- IT'S INSANE.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S TERRIFYING.

  • IT'S 1500 POUNDS OF ANGRY POT ROAST.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> YEAH, WE LIVE IN SUCH A

  • RISK-AVERSE SOCIETY, KIDS ARE WEARING HELMETS WALKING DOWN THE

  • STREET.

  • AT THE RODEO, THERE'S NO SAFETY MEETING.

  • THERE'S NO ONE GOING, ALL RIGHT, FELLOWS, I DON'T TO SEE YOU GET

  • HURT -- WELL, EXCEPT FOR EVERYONE IN THE STADIUM.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) THE BULL RIDING IS SO

  • IMPRESSIVE.

  • I WAS SURPRISED, THEY ONLY RIDE THE BULL UP TO EIGHT SECONDS.

  • THAT'S THE WHOLE TIME.

  • >> Stephen: YOU HIT EIGHT SECONDS, YOU JUST JUMP OFF?

  • >> OR SOMEONE RESCUES YOU.

  • >> Stephen: WHAT?

  • OMEONE RIDES PAST IN A HORSE AND GRABS THEM OFF.

  • YOU'VE NEVER SEEN A RODEO AND CALL YOURSELF AN AMERICAN?

  • >> Stephen: I'VE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE RIDING A HORSE UP NEXT

  • TO YOU AND PULLS YOU OFF, UP NEXT TO AN ANGRY BULL IS THIS.

  • >> I THINK THE EIGHT SECONDS IS THEIR WHOLE WORKDAY, THAT HAS TO

  • CHANGE YOUR PERSPECTIVE.

  • RIDING AN ELEVATOR, OH, I COULD HAVE RIDDEN THREE BULLS.

  • >> Stephen: ARE THERE GUYS WHO DO THE FULL EIGHT?

  • >> YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: ARE THEY GOOD GUYS OR ARE THE BULLS WEAK?

  • >> I DON'T KNOW.

  • ING ASECONDS IS IMPRESSIVE BUT NOT THAT LONG, WHEN YOU CONSIDER

  • A DEAD BODY COULD RIDE A BULL FOR TWO SECONDS.

  • THERE'S ONE GUY WHO SAYS, YOU DID GOOD, GOOD, NOT AS GOOD AS

  • THE CORPSE BUT YOU DID ALL RIGHT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: HAVE YOU EVER BEEN

  • ON A MECHANICAL BULL?

  • >> I HAVE NOT.

  • >> Stephen: I HAVE.

  • IT'S VERY PAINFUL EVEN FOR SHORT PERIODS OF TIME.

  • >> THAT SEEMS UNNECESSARY.

  • >> Stephen: THE CHAFING ON THE THIGHS YOU DON'T EXPECT.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> I WAS WATCHING THIS BULL

  • RIDING AND JUST THE CORE STRENGTH TO DO THAT, THAT'S

  • UNNECESSARY.

  • YOU KNOW?

  • I MEAN, I BARELY HAVE THE CORE STRENGTH TO RIDE A BIKE AT THIS

  • POINT.

  • >> Stephen: WERE THERE ARE RODEO CLOWNS?

  • BECAUSE THEY LOOK FANTASTIC, GOOD JOB.

  • >> THOSE ARE THE BEST.

  • I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY CONVINCE SOMEONE TO BE A RODEO CLOWN.

  • LIKE, THE RIDER THROWN BY THE FURIOUS BULL, WE NEED SOMEONE TO

  • DISTRACT AND MAYBE ANTAGONIZE THAT 400-POUND ANIMAL.

  • AND ME AND THE FELLOWS, YOU WOULD BE GOOD AT THAT.

  • AND THE OTHER GUYS ARE, LIKE, ME?

  • DO I HAVE PROTECTION?

  • YOU MEAN LIKE MAKEUP?

  • NO, SOMETHING TO PROTECT ME FROM THE BULL!

  • YOU WOULDN'T BE OUT THERE NAKED, YOU WOULD BE DRESSED LIKE A

  • CLOWN!

  • OPIATE WHEY THEY'RE DRESSED LIKE CLOWNS.

  • >> Stephen: IT'S WHEN THEY DAY, IT'S HUMILIATING.

  • >> DO THEY THINK, LIKE, A BULL'S GOING TO THROW A RIDER AND BE

  • LIKE -- ( GASPS )

  • -- WAS THAT A CLOWN?

  • IS THAT MY BIRTHDAY?

  • DID YOU GUYS GET ME A CLOWN FOR MY BIRTHDAY?

  • ( APPLAUSE ) >> Stephen: NOW, RODEO IS --

  • AND I THINK THIS MIGHT BE LATE TO EVEN SAY THIS -- THAT IS NOT

  • WHERE I WOULD PICTURE YOUR ACT, LIKE IN THE SAND PIT OUT THERE.

  • >> LAST YEAR I PERFORMED AT A ZOO.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: AT A ZOO?

  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON WITH MY CAREER.

  • >> Stephen: AT A ZOO?

  • IT WAS THE TOLEDO ZOO.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHY THEY PICKED ME.

  • GAFFIGAN SHOW, DO IT AT THE ANIMAL JAIL, YOU KNOW.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) OBVIOUSLY, ZOOS ARE NOT ANIMAL

  • JAILS.

  • I MEAN, THE ANIMALS CAN'T LEAVE, AND IF THEY TRIED TO LEAVE,

  • THEY'D SHOOT THEM, BUT -- ( LAUGHTER )

  • BUT IT WAS OUTSIDE THE TOLEDO ZOO, IT'S BEAUTIFUL.

  • YOU COULD SEE SOME OF THE ANIMALS.

  • I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY WERE THINKING.

  • THEY WERE PROBABLY, LIKE, WHO'S THE NEW GUY?

  • WELL, THAT POLAR BEAR REALLY LET HIMSELF GO.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) BUT SOME ANIMALS DO PERFORMT AT

  • THE ZOO AND THEY'RE REWARDED WITH FOOD.

  • AND I WAS, LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT?

  • I HAVE A PRETTY SIMILAR ARRANGEMENT, THAT'S WHAT I GET.

  • >> Stephen: YOUR KIDS TRAVEL WITH YOU SOMETIMES?

  • >> UNFORTUNATELY, YEAH.

  • >> Stephen: IS THAT A GOOD ARRANGEMENT?

  • >> I TOOK MY FAMILY TO EUROPE LAST SUMMER, AND I BROUGHT MY

  • KIDS, WHICH IS GREAT BECAUSE THEY'RE ALWAYS THERE TO POINT

  • OUT EVERY INSECURITY YOU HAVE, RIGHT?

  • THEY'RE, LIKE, YOU KNOW YOU LOOK FAT.

  • I DO KNOW THAT.

  • YOU KNOW YOU LOOK LIKE A TOURIST.

  • YES, I DO KNOW THAT.

  • IT'S WEIRD BECAUSE WE NEVER WANT TO LOOK LIKE TOURISTS.

  • >> Stephen: YOU WANT TO LOOK NATIVE.

  • >> WE WANT TO MIX IN.

  • IT'S, LIKE, WHAT ARE THE LOCALS DOING?

  • PEOPLE ARE, LIKE, THEY'RE AT WORK.

  • CAN I DO THAT?

  • I WANT TO DO THAT.

  • WE BEHAVE STRANGELY AS TOURISTS.

  • WHEN WE'RE IN EUROPE, WE VISIT A BUNCH OF CHURCHES.

  • YOU NEVER DO THAT AT HOME.

  • YOU NEVER WAKE UP ON SATURDAY, HEY, YOU WANT TO LOOK AT

  • CHURCHES?

  • NO, NEVER.

  • BUT IT WAS FUN.

  • >> YOU'VE GOT THE NEW MOVIE AND IT'S CALLED TROOP ZERO.

  • >> YES.

  • ON AMAZON PRIME.

  • IT'S A MOVIE FOR KIDS.

  • IT'S GOOD FOR KIDS.

  • EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE IT.

  • >> IT'S DEFINITELY A MOVIE ABOUT MISFITS AND IT'S A GIRL'S

  • ADVENTURE STORY.

  • IT'S FOR EVERYONE, THOUGH.

  • >> Stephen: BECAUSE THE LAST TIME YOU WERE ON, YOU WERE

  • PLAYING A MURDERER, RIGHT?

  • THIS IS BETTER.

  • HAVE YOUR KIDS SEEN THIS ONE?

  • >> YOU KNOW, IT CAME OUT ON FRIDAY.

  • I WAS GONE, BUT, NO, THEY DIDN'T SEE IT.

  • YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

  • >> Stephen: DO THEY EVER WATCH YOUR STUFF?

  • >> I MEAN, I DON'T REALLY -- I DON'T FORCE THEM.

  • I'M NOT TRYING TO WATCH DADDY, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

  • AND, SO, IT'S -- BUT IT'S WEIRD.

  • LIKE, THEY MIGHT STUMBLE UPON SOMETHING, BUT THEY'RE NOT

  • INTERESTED, YOU KNOW.

  • THERE'S NO INTEREST WHATSOEVER.

  • >> Stephen: ARE THEY ACTIVELY DISINTERESTED?

  • >> I WOULD SAY THEY'RE ACTIVELY DISINTERESTED.

  • >> Stephen: I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT MY SON WATCHING JOHN

  • OLIVER.

  • LIKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

  • WHY ARE YOU HURT MEG LIKE THIS?

  • ( LAUGHTER ) >> THEY WATCH A LOT OF YOUTUBE

  • SO THEY MIGHT STUMBLE UPON A CLIP AND THEY'RE, LIKE, HEY, I

  • SAW THAT THING YOU DID, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

  • >> Stephen: THAT'S NICE.

  • LIKE I'M IN A TRIAL PERIOD, YOU KNOW.

  • ( LAUGHTER ) LIKE YOU MIGHT STILL BE MY DAD.

  • >> Stephen: WE HAVE A CLIP FROM THE MOVIE.

  • DUE TELL ME WHAT'S HAPPENING?

  • >> THIS IS VIOLA DAVIS, THE MOST AMAZING ACTRESS IN THE WORLD --

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I PLAY A SINGLE FATHER, I'M A

  • LAWYER AND MY ASSISTANT OR PARTNER IN THIS BUSINESS IS

  • VIOLA DAVIS, AND MY DAUGHTER COMES IN, AND SHE'S KIND OF A

  • VICTIM OF THE BULLYING.

  • THIS IS SET IN THE '70s.

  • I GUESS THE REST KIND OF SAYS WHAT IT IS.

  • >> WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOUR HAIR?

  • >> FELL OFF, I GUESS.

  • YOU LOOK FEROCIOUS, BOSS.

  • NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT THAN THAT.

  • >> SO WHO DID THIS?

  • NO ONE!

  • THE U.S. TELL HER SHE LOOKS NICE!

  • WHAT'S WRONG WITH Y'ALL?

  • >> WHY IS SHE LETTING PEOPLE CUT ON HER HAIR?

  • >> SHE AIN'T LETTING NOBODY DO NOTHING.

  • >> CLARIFICATION, BOSS.

  • OVERRULED.

  • ( PHONE RINGING ) >> THAT WILL BE THE JUDGE.

  • YOU TELL HIM I'M ON MY WAY, ALL RIGHT?

  • CAN YOU MAKE SURE SHE GETS SOMETHING TO EAT?

  • >> Stephen: GOOD FATHER.

  • THANK YOU.

  • >> Stephen: BLESSINGS TO EVERYBODY.

  • >> THERE'S THE DOG.

  • >> Stephen: JIM, GOOD TO SEE YOU.

  • THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STOPPING BY.

  • >> THANK YOU.

  • >> STEPHEN: "TROOP ZERO" IS ON AMAZON PRIME NOW.

  • JIM GAFFIGAN, EVERYBODY!

  • WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH BILLIONAIRE AND PRESIDENTIAL

  • CANDIDATE TOM STEYER.

  • ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )

FOLKS, MY FIRST GUEST TONIGHT IS AN

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B1 中級

ジム・ガフィガン、ついに初のロデオに参加 (Jim Gaffigan Finally Attended His First Rodeo)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日