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  • For the past seven years,

  • Pope Francis has been shaking up the Catholic Church

  • as we know it.

  • But now the old pope has stepped in, saying, "Enough is enough."

  • NEWSWOMAN: Controversy is swirling at the Vatican

  • as two popes-- one retired and one reigning--

  • appear at odds.

  • And now former Pope Benedict is weighing in.

  • On shelves this morning, the much anticipated

  • and already wildly controversial new book,

  • From the Depths of Our Hearts.

  • The book, which is written in part

  • by Pope Benedict XVI,

  • defends the Church's practice of celibacy among priests,

  • but it comes at the same time

  • Benedict's successor Pope Francis is considering

  • whether some older married men could be ordained

  • in very remote areas like the Amazon.

  • NEWSMAN: Benedict argued for the necessity of celibacy,

  • writing:

  • Oh, I see what's happening here.

  • The new pope wants to change the rules

  • so priests can have sex,

  • but the old pope wants the rules to stay the same.

  • And I get that. I mean, if I had been forced to be a virgin

  • for 92 years, I would also be out there like, "Guys, come on,

  • "those are the rules!

  • We agreed!"

  • But I'm sorry, old pope, you don't make the rules anymore,

  • because you quit.

  • Yeah, you can't just come back and try and change things up.

  • That would be like coming back to visit a house

  • that you sold like, "Oh, interesting curtain choice.

  • Uh, you sure you want to put the couch there?"

  • And they'd be like, "How did you get in here?!

  • "I took a spare key." -(laughter)

  • I will say, what's really strange about this

  • is that both of these men

  • supposedly talk directly to God, right?

  • That's the whole thing of the pope.

  • But they're getting different messages.

  • -(laughter) -It's almost like God

  • is playing a prank on one of them. Yeah?

  • You know? Like, one priest is going up to God like,

  • "Wait, are we not supposed to have sex?" And God is like,

  • "Nah, nah, I'm just messing with the other dude. (chuckles)

  • -Look how horny he's getting." -(laughter)

  • But either way, at some point

  • these two are always going to clash.

  • Because they're different people.

  • All right? Francis and Benedict are very different popes.

  • I mean, just watch, just watch how Pope Benedict reacted,

  • right, when shirtless acrobatic dancers performed for him

  • way back in 2010.

  • ♪ ♪

  • (laughter)

  • You see that face?

  • Look at that face.

  • It's like Emperor Palpatine was at a Chippendales show.

  • (like Palpatine): This is the real dark side.

  • Now check out the new pope.

  • ♪ ♪

  • Now, this guy (bleep).

  • (laughter, applause)

  • All right, let's move on to Boeing.

  • Boeing-- the aerospace company responsible

  • for half the planes in the sky.

  • And half the planes that are not in the sky.

  • Now, for months, the company has insisted

  • that they did everything they could

  • to ensure the safety of their planes.

  • But thanks to some leaked e-mails,

  • that excuse is crashing to the ground.

  • We are getting a look

  • at some shocking internal e-mails from Boeing

  • suggesting employees knew about problems with the 737 MAX

  • before two deadly crashes.

  • NEWSWOMAN: Boeing has now released

  • more than 100 pages of e-mails

  • as part of FAA and congressional investigations.

  • In 2017, just as the planes

  • were taking to the skies worldwide,

  • a Boeing employee sent this message to a colleague:

  • One test pilot wrote:

  • -(laughter, gasps) -Wow!

  • I don't know if Boeing has good engineers,

  • but they do have some pretty good joke writers.

  • -(laughter) -Yeah, we should hire them

  • for the next Comedy Central Roast.

  • They'll be like, "Seth Rogen is here--

  • the only thing that smokes more than a Boeing engine!"

  • (laughter)

  • And just by the way, by the way,

  • why are Boeing employees trying

  • to drag clowns and monkeys into this?

  • First of all, clowns are good at what they do, all right?

  • It's not their fault that your plane sucks.

  • In fact, airplane makers could use a clown on the design team.

  • Have you seen how many people they can fit in their cars?

  • Imagine what they could do with the overhead bins.

  • -Imagine! -(laughter)

  • And you know what really pisses me off about these revelations

  • is, remember how when one of the planes went down,

  • Boeing tried to blame the Ethiopian pilots.

  • Remember that? Yeah? The plane went down,

  • and they were like, "Where was the crash? Africa?

  • Well, there's your problem right there."

  • Yeah. They made it seem like the African plane crashed

  • because the copilot was a chicken. You know?

  • And yeah, sometimes the copilot is a chicken in Africa,

  • but that's not why they crashed!

  • The chicken knows what it's doing.

  • It's always sitting there telling the passengers,

  • (clucking): Buckle up! Buckle up!

  • (laughter)

  • (applause)

  • (cheering)

  • No, please.

  • Please, don't encourage me.

  • Ah. And finally, some exciting news

  • from the music world.

  • NEWSWOMAN: Spotify, the popular music-streaming service

  • is now offering playlists for lonely dogs.

  • The company launched several playlists

  • created especially for pets, aimed at soothing them

  • while they're left home alone.

  • There's also a new podcast

  • called My Dog's Favorite Podcast,

  • which is intended to provide comfort

  • through reassuring human voices,

  • relaxing music and ambient sounds.

  • A podcast and a music-streaming service for dogs.

  • -No. No, guys, no. -(laughter)

  • Let dogs be dogs.

  • All right? I don't want to be at the park

  • like, "Come here, boy. come here, come here,"

  • and then the dog is just like, "Oh, I'm sorry, what?"

  • (laughter)

  • But at least they're doing it the right way.

  • 'Cause if you are gonna play music for dogs,

  • you do need to have a specific playlist.

  • You don't want to play the wrong song.

  • Like, can you imagine if a dog hears DMX?

  • Yeah, he's gonna get overexcited.

  • DMX is gonna be like, ♪ Where my dawgs at? ♪

  • Be like, "I'm right here! I'm right here!

  • I'm right here! Are we going to the park?"

  • -He's like, ♪ Aar! Aar! ♪ -"Oh, there's another dog!

  • This is so cool!"

  • This is a bad idea for everyone, especially musicians.

  • You don't think about the musicians.

  • Imagine you're trying to be a rock star, right?

  • And then one day you're looking at your Spotify,

  • and you're like, "Damn. I'm blowing up all of a sudden."

  • So you go on a big tour, and you get on stage,

  • and that's when you find out all your fans are dogs. Huh?

  • That's gonna break your heart.

  • You're gonna be trying to be cool, signing autographs.

  • Huh? You want to hook up with groupies, but you can't--

  • it's just dogs-- so now you're just there like,

  • "All right, I guess. I mean, see if that labradoodle in row two

  • "wants to come backstage.

  • -All right, let me get the peanut butter." -(groans)

For the past seven years,

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元法王ベネディクト対法王フランシス、ボーイング737メール&Spotifyの犬用プレイリスト|ザ・デイリーショー (Ex-Pope Benedict vs. Pope Francis, Boeing 737 Emails & Spotify’s Playlist for Dogs | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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