[ Laughter ]

-Aw.

-Go on, git!

People who put a milk carton that has just a few drops

of milk left back into the fridge,

I want to pour myself some creamy dairy in my coffee,

but instead all I got was a splash of disappointment.

You knew that carton was drier

than a Mojave Desert cactus in July.

So quit yankin' my chain and go on, git.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Go on, git.

TV at the gym playing TNT.

[ Laughter ]

Who the hell made that decision?

You got three TVs on sports, three TVs on the news,

and then one that's only ever showing reruns

of "Charmed" and the movie "Gladiator."

[ Laughter ]

You think that if someone doesn't like news or sports,

they must wanna watch some random episode

of season four of "Bones"?

[ Laughter ]

Go on, git, TNT playing "Bones."

Unless, that is, it's the episode with Cyndi Lauper.

I did love that one.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

-Whoa.

-Go on, git. -Oh, my God!

-Aioli.

[ Laughter ]

You ain't nothing but some dang mayonnaise

that downloaded Duolingo. [ Laughter ]

Git!

-Oh.

Oh, no.

-Go on, git, silent R in February.

[ Laughter ]

You serve less purpose than a squirt gun in a water park

during a thunderstorm.

So you get that second R out of there.

And actually, while we're at it, take away the other R too.

You blew it. So go on, git, February.

And hello, Febuay.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Go on, git, A-Ceet-O, A-Set-Uh.

[ Laughter ]

I thought I'd save some money by not buying brand-name Tylenol.

We all know you're the same thing,

but now you're giving me a headache

just trying to pronounce ya.

So go on git, acetaminophen.

[ Laughter and applause ]

♪♪

-Wow.

-Go on git, chickpeas.

[ Laughter ]

The jig is up.

You're just garbanzo beans tryin' out a new personality.

And that personality stinks like deception.

Legume? More like le-go on git.

[ Laughter and applause ]

♪♪

Go on git, soft shell crabs.

Shells are supposed to be hard, not soft.

Go back to the shell factory and try again.

[ Laughter and applause ]

Hard to see 'em go, but I'm glad I got it all out of my system.