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  • Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell

  • has recently come under fire for his Senate impeachment rules,

  • his attempt to rush through the trial

  • and for his performance in the movie Doolittle.

  • But for more on this speedy Senate trial,

  • we turn to a man who is also known for finishing quickly,

  • Michael Kosta, everybody.

  • -(cheering, applause) -Mm-hmm. Okay.

  • Michael...

  • you're at the capitol right now.

  • Don't these rules seem restrictive?

  • You know, maybe, Trevor, but we need rules.

  • Without rules, civilization would collapse,

  • and I would have to put on leather

  • and fight rabid dogs for water,

  • and not for fun, like I do now.

  • Rules are what make society.

  • Like "stand to the right on the escalator"

  • or "keep quiet when you're in a movie theater."

  • And you know what I'm talking about, Trevor.

  • (laughter)

  • Why would I know what you're talking about?

  • Look, all I'm saying is, I think Black Panther already knew

  • someone was behind him-- he didn't need your help.

  • Well, I think I saved him. But let's move on.

  • Uh, I get it, I get it, I get it-- we need rules.

  • But it seems like Mitch McConnell

  • designed most of these rules to help Trump

  • instead of having a fair trial.

  • Like, the length of the trial is compressed.

  • There might not be witnesses.

  • Uh, come on, Mitch McConnell is tough but fair.

  • Look, look at these rules, okay?

  • Each side gets equal time to make their case.

  • Okay? Republicans will speak at 9:00 a.m.,

  • and then-- tomorrow-- and then the Democrats

  • will speak at 6:30 on Super Bowl Sunday, okay?

  • And-and the witness rules are equal, too.

  • Both sides are free to subpoena any of the contestants

  • from Celebrity Apprentice.

  • And hey, some of the rules even favor the Democrats.

  • This rule says that only Democrats get free ice tea

  • all day long, and it's right after the rule that says

  • "absolutely no bathroom breaks."

  • -(laughter) -No bathroom breaks and free ice tea

  • sounds like the Democrats are being set up.

  • And, Kosta, look, it's obvious that Mitch McConnell

  • is trying to brush this whole impeachment thing under the rug.

  • I mean, the press have even complained

  • that he's restricted how they can cover proceedings.

  • Uh, that's fine, okay?

  • We don't even need the press in that room.

  • Everything will be covered by Mitch Magazine, okay?

  • It... it's like O Magazine, but only for Mitch.

  • It's very unpopular.

  • Now, if you'll excuse me, Trevor, I have to go.

  • I had some of that free ice tea for the Democrats,

  • and I think it gave me chlamydia, so...

  • Kosta, ice tea can't give you chlamydia.

  • Either way, I have chlamydia, so...

  • All right, well, Michael Kosta, everyone.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell


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ミッチ・マコネルの奇妙な弾劾ルール|ザ・デイリーショー (Mitch McConnell’s Weird Impeachment Rules | The Daily Show)

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    林宜悉 に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日