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  • Some people really get in our hair.

  • Moreover, there are individuals that, for some reason, take delight in getting emotional

  • reactions out of others.

  • When they succeed, they win, and their ability to hurt gives them a sense of power.

  • Whether we call them toxic people, narcissists, psychopaths; people like these are very tough

  • to deal with.

  • However, there's a controversial method to handle such individuals.

  • An effective way to deal with people that are destructive to our lives is avoiding them.

  • 'Walking away' and going 'no contact' are great tools, that not only cut them out

  • of our lives; but also give them the opportunity to reflect.

  • And, even though the chances are small, they might consider changing their behavior for

  • the better.

  • Unfortunately, in some cases, walking away isn't an option.

  • We can avoid people to some extent, but when we have to deal with them on a regular basis

  • because of work, cohabitation, or shared custody, we will benefit from other ways to cope with

  • their behavior.

  • In 2013, a psychology-blogger named Skylar first coined the term Gray Rock Method, as

  • a way to deal with psychopaths.

  • The goal of the Gray Rock Method is to encourage psychopaths, or other emotionally unbalanced

  • people, to lose interest in us.

  • I quote:

  • When contact with you is consistently unsatisfying for the psychopath, his mind is re-trained

  • to expect boredom rather than drama.

  • Psychopaths are addicted to drama and they can't stand to be bored.

  • With time, he will find a new person to provide drama and he will find himself drawn to you

  • less and less often.

  • Eventually, they just slither away to greener pastures.

  • End quote.

  • According to Skylar, psychopaths are addicted to power.

  • They try different tactics to get a reaction out of their targets to fuel their sense of

  • power over them.

  • When they succeed, they are exhilarated; they have found a way to control us.

  • In most cases, this isn't a one-time event: when these people discover that they can pull

  • our strings, they'll keep doing it; even if it's just for the confirmation that they

  • still have control over us.

  • Our reaction is their prize.

  • The same goes for bullies; it's fun to poke the bear.

  • Now, the key to the Gray Rock Method is to not get entangled in their web of malice,

  • so they get bored.

  • Simply put: we take away their prize.

  • So, how do we do this?

  • There are many ways to execute this method.

  • It completely depends on how these people try to get what they want.

  • The essence is that we change into a gray rock when we are in their presence.

  • As Stoic philosopher Epictetus would say: we can't control the outside world, but

  • we can control the position we take towards it.

  • Thus, it is within our control to behave like a boring, nonreactive, object.

  • If they talk about a specific person or subject, because they know this triggers us, we react

  • by simple, boring, indifferent answers.

  • If they use a certain insult, because they know we can't stand that, we might just

  • act like we never heard it.

  • Just like the Stoic and Roman statesman Cato who was once struck in the public bath by

  • a man who didn't know who he was.

  • After the man apologized, Cato replied: “I don't remember being struck”.

  • If that man wanted to get a reaction out of Cato, is there anything more unsatisfying

  • than when Cato is completely oblivious to his actions?

  • Also, when these people envy us for our status, possessions, looks, or other things that they

  • don't have, being a gray rock, means being as boring and as closed off as possible about

  • the things they envy.

  • According to Skylar, it's not that they want those things for themselves: they want

  • to see the emotion on our faces when we lose them.

  • It's important to understand that taking away the prize takes time and consistency.

  • During the first phase, they will get agitated because we suddenly stop providing them with

  • supply.

  • This means that they'll double their efforts to get in our hair, by increasing the drama

  • and pushing our buttons even more.

  • In this situation, it's very easy to take the bait.

  • Toxic peoplethat are out to stir the pot, won't be attracted to imperturbable

  • serenity.

  • They want to be entertained, intrigued, in control of other people's emotions, and

  • their ideal guinea pigs are those who are sensitive and easily upset.

  • When we are gray rocks, however, they'll pass us over.

  • We're just one out of many.

  • We don't stand out, we're indifferent, passive, not interesting, and literally cold

  • as stone.

  • So, move along, folks.

  • There's nothing to see here.

  • Thank you for watching.

Some people really get in our hair.


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The Gray Rock Method | Beat ‘Toxic People’ with Serenity

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    doris.lai   に公開 2020 年 02 月 24 日