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  • Vanessa: Hi, I'm Vanessa from SpeakEnglishWithVanessa.com.

  • Dan: And I'm Dan.

  • Vanessa: My husband, who is also going to be giving another perspective in today's conversation.

  • Today we're bringing you an amazing, long, English conversation, so prepare your ears,

  • prepare your mind.

  • We're going to be talking about 12 different topics, and hopefully providing some new expressions

  • and new ways to think about life.

  • I don't know about that, but at least some English help for you.

  • Dan: Yeah, it's going to get personal today, so get ready.

  • Vanessa: Yes.

  • All right, are you ready to get started?

  • Dan: I'm ready.

  • Vanessa: Let's go.

  • Our first topic is family, and my question is, who do you think that you're the most

  • like?

  • Dan: Who am I the most like, in appearance?

  • Vanessa: Yes.

  • Dan: Both appearance and character?

  • Vanessa: Yeah, both.

  • Dan: Okay, so appearance I look mostly like my mom, I think.

  • Vanessa: Okay.

  • Dan: I have more of her skin tone, I have her eyes.

  • Vanessa: Yeah.

  • Dan: And on her side of the family, most of the people are pretty skinny, and I'm a rather

  • skinny guy.

  • My dad's side is German, and they tend to be a little bit bigger.

  • So yeah, I definitely got my mom's side.

  • But character wise, I think I'm a little more like my dad.

  • Would you agree?

  • Vanessa: Yeah, I'd say you have shades of your dad.

  • Dan: You know me so well, so you can answer this, too.

  • Vanessa: Yeah.

  • Yeah, I think you have shades of your dad.

  • Yeah.

  • Dan: Shades, yeah.

  • I think I'm more silly than my dad, that's not very hard because my dad is pretty serious.

  • Vanessa: Ah, he's got a silly side though.

  • Dan: He does, yeah.

  • But for the most part, I think I'm more like my dad because he has a very calm demeanor,

  • he's very patient, and he doesn't get stressed about anything.

  • And actually, my dad gets so unstressed about everything, I can't even understand it.

  • I'm like, "How are you so calm right now?"

  • And everybody I know thinks that I'm the most stress free person they know.

  • Vanessa: But your dad is even more stress free.

  • Dan: Yeah, but we're similar, like growing up when my parents would be going somewhere,

  • and needing to get out of the house, me and my dad would be the last one out of the house

  • every single time.

  • Then we would be like, "What?

  • We'll make it.

  • We'll be okay.

  • No problem."

  • Vanessa: And your mom, and brother, and sister were saying, "Come on, hurry."

  • Dan: And my mom is like, "Ah, let's go."

  • My mom is much more high stress, anxious kind of personality.

  • Vanessa: That's kind of a typical family situation, I think.

  • Dan: Yeah, how about you?

  • Vanessa: I think I have both my parents in me as well.

  • I think I look a lot like my mom.

  • Dan: Yeah, she looks exactly like her mom, though, like to a T.

  • Vanessa: Sometimes when I see pictures of myself, and then I look at a picture of her

  • at the same age, I think, "Whoa.

  • We look really similar."

  • And she looks a lot like her mom, so I can kind of imagine what I'll look like when I'm

  • getting older.

  • Dan: Yeah.

  • I mean, you have darker hair, and darker features.

  • You got that from your dad.

  • Vanessa: Yeah, somewhat.

  • But I think a lot of my features are similar to my mom.

  • But I think I also got my facial expressions from my mom.

  • Dan: Yes.

  • Vanessa: A lot of comment that, "Wow, Vanessa, you have a lot of expressions."

  • Dan: Your mom is very expressive, just like you.

  • Vanessa: And I think it's true that I use a lot of expressions, but it's just natural

  • for me.

  • I do this in daily life as I'm talking about things.

  • And I think that I get that from my mom, sometimes I see some of her expressions and I realize,

  • "Oh, I do that too."

  • Dan: Yeah, I remember when we lived in South Korea, every single Korean person was commenting

  • on Vanessa's expressions.

  • They're like, "Your face, it's so exciting.

  • How are you making so many faces?"

  • Everybody was surprised.

  • Vanessa: I don't know.

  • Dan: I guess in Korea they don't make as many faces.

  • Vanessa: I don't know, maybe it's just not.

  • Maybe it's just an unusual trait.

  • I'm grateful for that, especially as a teacher, I can hopefully help to explain some different

  • concepts with my face as well.

  • But I feel like I also have parts of my dad.

  • My dad is a pretty rational guy.

  • Dan: You're rational like your dad.

  • Vanessa: Yeah, but I think I also have his sense of humor, sometimes a little strange

  • sense of humor, but we laugh at the same things, we enjoy playing games, and being competitive,

  • so I think that that side of me, maybe some of the character side of me, is similar to

  • him.

  • But I feel like I also have parts of my grandma.

  • My grandma is a go, go, go, go person.

  • Dan: Oh, that's true.

  • Yeah.

  • Vanessa: She never stops, and I think my biggest flaw is that I have difficulty slowing down

  • and relaxing, I just keep going and I think that-

  • Dan: That's why she's with me.

  • Vanessa: ... I need help relaxing.

  • Dan: I help her relax.

  • Vanessa: Yeah, so I think that my grandma's like this too, that she's always going, and

  • always doing things, and it's healthy to slow down every now and then.

  • And so, I need to do that, she probably needs to do that too sometimes.

  • But I don't know if I learned that from her, but maybe that's just part of my-

  • Dan: I think it's your personality.

  • Vanessa: ... DNA, my character.

  • Dan: Yeah, I can remember even when I first met Vanessa, she was more go, go, go than

  • she is now.

  • Vanessa: Oh, you think so?

  • Dan: Yeah.

  • More like so this thing, then the next, and the enthusiasm was always, she was like bouncing

  • everywhere.

  • Vanessa: I always have a lot of enthusiasm, that's true.

  • Dan: Yes, it was off the charts.

  • Vanessa: Yeah, so I want to know for you, who are you most like in your family?

  • Is it maybe your physical traits or for your character?

  • All right, let's go on to our second question.

  • The next topic is childhood.

  • I want to know when do you think childhood ends, and when do you become an adult?

  • Dan: When does childhood end?

  • Vanessa: This is a deep question.

  • Dan: Well, I don't think it can be a specific age, I think it's different for everyone.

  • I think it's at any point you can leave this house of your parents and live on your own,

  • take care of yourself, and you're not dependent on somebody else.

  • Like if you're living with your friends and bumming off them, you're probably not an adult

  • yet.

  • So if I had to pick an age, I'd probably say 16.

  • Vanessa: Oh.

  • Dan: Yeah, I'm saying kind of young.

  • Vanessa: Okay.

  • Dan: In an ideal world, I think a 16 year old should be ready.

  • Vanessa: Okay.

  • Okay.

  • I get it.

  • At 16 were you ready?

  • Dan: No, of course not.

  • Vanessa: Ideally.

  • Dan: Ideally, yeah.

  • I don't think our society prepares us to be ready at 16.

  • It prepares you to be ready at 18.

  • Vanessa: Or later.

  • Dan: Right, or later.

  • But you know, in an ideal world I think you could be ready at 16, but it's a kind of complicated

  • world now, so maybe 18 is an acceptable age.

  • Vanessa: I feel like, for me, I have less ideas about childhood ending and adulthood

  • starting that are physical.

  • I feel like it has more to do with making your own decisions.

  • There might be a lot of reasons why you have to live at home, or you have to be dependent

  • on someone else, but if you are making your own decisions you are not a child, you're

  • an adult.

  • And I'm sure as our children get older and become teenagers, that's going to be a little

  • bit harder for us to make that line for someone else, but I know for myself-

  • Dan: Well, this is- Vanessa: ... making more decisions.

  • Dan: ... assuming you are capable as a person to live on your own, of course.

  • Vanessa: Yeah.

  • Yeah, I think you can still be an adult just making your own decisions, but we still need

  • help from other people as adults, so there's a... it's a gray area.

  • Dan: Sure.

  • Yeah.

  • I would- Vanessa: Yeah, it's not so clear.

  • Dan: ... also add, I don't know, for myself personally, having children really makes you

  • an adult.

  • It doesn't have to be true for everyone, but I think it's easier for some people to just

  • kind of be really selfish, and do their own thing, and kind of live like a kid, especially

  • nowadays because we have so much entertainment, you could just watch TV every day.

  • A lot of guys I know play video games a lot, and I'm not knocking on video games but playing

  • video games every day is a good way to remain a child, at heart anyways.

  • Vanessa: Sure.

  • Dan: This is my opinion, it's a little judgemental, but-

  • Vanessa: Yeah, I think if you are a good person, and you have a child, then you feel forced

  • to be become an adult.

  • Dan: Yes.

  • Vanessa: There's still bad people who have kids, who remain children themselves-

  • Dan: That's true.

  • Vanessa: ... and then they're bad parents.

  • But I think if you're generally a good person, when you have kids, it's kind of a shock.

  • Dan: Yeah, well- Vanessa: Like, "Whoa, this child is so dependent

  • on me.

  • I need to be responsible.

  • I have to organize myself somehow."

  • You have to change.

  • Dan: ... I think being an adult, part of it is having a burden of responsibility of some

  • kind, whether it's a job, or your house payments, or whatever it is.

  • Some people add those burdens of responsibility anyways without children, but I don't know,

  • for me, it's just different.

  • Like, "This is the person I'm taking care of in my life."

  • People now- Vanessa: Yeah.

  • Dan: ... because we've got two.

  • Vanessa: Well, two coming up soon.

  • So I have a question for you, when do you think childhood ends?

  • When does adulthood start?

  • It's going to be different for every culture, too because this is a pretty cultural specific

  • question.

  • Maybe in the U.S.- Dan: Yeah, maybe you have a-

  • Vanessa: ... it's different than your country.

  • Dan: ... maybe you have a rite of passage in your country.

  • Vanessa: Oh, can you explain what a rite of passage is?

  • Because that's kind of a nuanced thing.

  • Dan: Yeah, a rite of passage is something that every boy or every girl does to become

  • an adult.

  • Vanessa: Oh, like some ceremony, or activity.

  • Dan: Yeah, like a ceremony.

  • Yeah, I mean, we don't really have this in the U.S., some people say college is a rite

  • of passage, but not...

  • I mean, more and more, almost everybody goes to college now.

  • Vanessa: A lot of people do, but- Dan: Yeah, so it kind of is, but it's a really

  • bad one because usually people just go, and they have parties, and they live really irresponsibly.

  • Vanessa: It's not a way to become a responsible adult.

  • Dan: Yeah, and then you do more school.

  • Vanessa: Ah, yes.

  • Dan: It's not really becoming a man.

  • Vanessa: Changing your life completely.

  • Yeah.

  • So I'm curious, in your country is there something that signifies, "Now you are an adult.", this

  • kind of rite of passage ceremony, or festivity, or party that you have.

  • In the U.S. we don't really have that, but I think it's kind of a cool idea that you're

  • celebrating- Dan: I wish we did.

  • Vanessa: ... this big change, going from childhood to adulthood, and it is a gray area, at least

  • in the U.S. it's a really gray area, so it's nice to celebrate that as parents, that your

  • kids are adults, hopefully.

  • And that as a child, "Oh, great, now I'm an adult.

  • Society sees me as an adult."

  • So I think it's kind of a cool idea, but maybe it's something we can do with our future kids.

  • All right, let's go onto the next topic.

  • The next topic is jobs.

  • I want to know what was your worst job ever.

  • Dan: Worst job ever?

  • Vanessa: Yeah.

  • Dan: Well, I have two competing jobs.

  • Vanessa: Hopefully it's not your current job, making English lessons.

  • Dan: It's video editing and doing these videos.

  • Vanessa: Oh, no.

  • Dan: I can't stand working with my wife.

  • Just kidding.

  • It's the best.

  • Yeah.