字幕表 動画を再生する 英語字幕をプリント - Before we get into the special, I always wanted to know, what is your favorite memory of working at The Daily Show? - Oh man, uh, today. - No, I mean like of, of like all time. - No, right now, this is great. - No, I know you're really enthusiastic about things. - No, this is awesome, like my own desk. This is kinda cool. - [Trevor] That's still my desk. - No, no, no, I like this on me. It's my show. - It's not your show. We're just doing a special about-- - We'll be right back. - No, you can't say that 'cause the show-- - Here it is, your Moment of Them, the best of Hasan Minhaj. - Here it is, your Moment of Them, the best of Hasan Minhaj. (audience applauds) - Canada, from their awful beer to their God-awful Canadian tuxedos, they've got a lot to apologize for, but now, they've got a new reason to say sorry and it's coming to destroy America. I'm talking about Syrian refugees. - Thousands of Syrian refugees entering Canada will sneak across the US border. Some of them will be ISIS supporters. - [Hasan] Canada's super progressive prime minister Justin Trudeau has already allowed more than 25,000 of these potential terrorists into Canada. Luckily, I had allies across the border, these Canucks were actually doing something about Trudeau's refugee invasion, and they were more pissed off than any Canadians I had ever seen. - People are really upset. - Oh, yes, good. - We're demanding that the immigration minister bring in more refugees and do it really quickly. - What? You guys want more refugees? - Absolutely, we have thousands of people across the country waiting to welcome people into their homes. - Are you (bleeps) nuts? It turns out they were part of the problem, something call the Private Sponsorship Program. Only in Canada can groups of five or more people just raise money and bring over Syrian refugees themselves. It's like Kickstarter for terrorists. - Almost 10,000 have been brought in by groups like ours. - This is just like Game of Thrones, okay? You're gonna let these brown Ice Walkers go nuts up in the North, then they're gonna cross the border and kill all Americans. - This isn't about you. We're doing this for ourselves and we're doing it for the refugees we're bringing in. - It is about me if I'm gonna die. - It's not even that big a risk. Look at the facts. And we don't say a-boot. - Okay, I'm sorry. - That, we say. - Okay, let's look at the facts. Since 9/11, zero terrorists planning attacks have been caught crossing the US-Canada border, but if you go back almost 20 years, two people have tried and one of them was a refugee. Sure, he was caught and is serving two consecutive life sentences, but it proves you can't say there is a 0% chance because it's way more. There's a 0.00019% chance. Our border is like a Starbucks bathroom. Anybody can just walk in there and blow (bleeps) up. This guy knows what I'm talking about. - They're screens by the UN. They're safe. They come here, they Canadian-ize. - No, you guys. - Don't you have more Americans dying from gun incidents and mass shootings than from terrorism every year? - But those people aren't terrorists. They have mental problems, there's a difference. - The difference being the color of the skin? - Yes, White people have mental illnesses. Brown people are biologically designed to kill you guys. - Have you met a recent-arrived refugee? - Why would I go meet someone who's gonna kill me? - So we're gonna decide not to help 49,999 people because one person went bad? - Yep. That's the American way. - That's not how we look at it. We wouldn't blame all Syrians for that one Syrian. We don't blame all Americans for Donald Trump. - You should. These hosiers just didn't get it. I decided to seek out the man who started this mess, the one Canadian who could shut this whole thing down. Why are you trying to destroy North America? You're letting anyone walk in and just (bleeps) up. - North America was built with people fleeing persecution, conflicts, wars, trying to build a better life for themselves and their families. - It's too open, it's too free. Mr. J.T., I went to customs and they were like, "What are you here to do?" And I'm like, "I am here to roast Prime Minister Justin Trudeau." And do you know what the guy said? "Have a nice day." (laughs) What if I came here to literally roasts you? - You might find that a little more difficult than you, than you think. (audience laughs) - Are you gonna kick my ass right now? - Are you gonna literally roast me? - No. - Then we're fine. - [Hasan] Things were getting heated in Ottawa. Luckily, I had America to back me up. Right now, 51% of Americans oppose letting any Syrian refugees into the US. Just like we had the guts to say no to Jewish refugee children, Hungarians fleeing mass murder and the Vietnamese. - You know, I think maybe we have better faith in the people we invite over. - [Hasan] Faith? You're talking about the greatest Canadian terrorist threat since September 11, 2001, the day Nickelback unleashed their breakthrough album Silver Side Up on America. That's a real fact, look it up. - You know what? Nickelback's all right. - But you know what isn't' all right? Terrorists on moose back crossing our northern border. Mr. Trudeau, you cannot trust these people. You're gonna breed an ISIS that's impervious to cold, an ice ISIS. Mr. Prime Minister, we are sitting here in the wake of so many terror attacks. How can you be sure letting in all of these refugees, that even in .01% become radicalized, you could be living with 25 different Paris attacks, 25 different Belgium attack, how can you go to sleep at night knowing that that risk is imminent? - We live in a world where there are always risks. The question is how much do you want to live in fear of those risks? The best counter to the kind of radicalization and marginalization that we've seen in other parts of the world is to create an inclusive society where everyone, especially Muslim-Canadians, have every opportunity to succeed just like everybody else. - [Hasan] Okay, fair point. I'm willing to admit that some refugees aren't terrorists, but still, they're just so foreign. - One of the great things about Canadian culture is we figured out that it's done by addition. So, you know, you take flavors and perspectives and experience of the world, and you create something better than the sum of its parts. - [Hasan] Wait a minute. Flavors, ingredients, he's talking about a melting pot. That's our thing. Are we really gonna let Canada steal our brand? America has always been the land of opportunity, and yes, we've also kind of always been afraid of refugees too. But we're at our best when we're staring terrorists straight in the face and saying, "Kiss our red, white, black, brown, beige, and blue asses." Or as one American philosopher put it, "If we were to strive to reach absolute safety, "we would not have freedom." Thanks, Sarah Palin, and thanks, Canada. Superstar athletes have the life. We're talking cars, jets, even their pet albino tigers get cars. But not all pro athletes are happy with the big bucks. In fact, the women's soccer team is taking legal action because they want more. - Players on the US women's national soccer team say they're being discriminated against because they make less than members of the men's team. - [Reporter] Filed a federal complaint against the US Soccer Federation. - [Hasan] I sat down with three members of the US women's soccer team to find out why they're being so greedy. - We're not being greedy. We're just fighting for what's right. - Our contributions to the Federation should be seen as equal to what the men have done. - Fine, whatever, but you need to understand that the men made it to the round of 16 in the World Cup. - Well, we've won three World Cups. - Well, they are ranked 30th in the world. - We're ranked number one. - Um, they play with so much passion. - We have four Olympic gold medals. - [Hasan] Humble brags, okay. But how much less could their pay possibly be? - If we win a match, we get $1,300. The men, they get around $17,000. - Whoa. - If the men's team loses, they make $5,000. - Five Gs if you lose? Could you imagine having that much money? - Can't really image it because we don't get paid anything if we lose. - Maybe that's why you guys don't lose. Silver lining. (bleeps) - Kidding me? - Why don't you guys just pick up second jobs? Uber driving. After you guys' games, surge pricing will definitely be high. Boom, you're driving fans home at 1.5, maybe two, three X. - I don't have time to go be an Uber driver. We put in our time to win gold medals for this team. - Well, the US Soccer Federation has its own interpretation of the pay differences. The bottom line is the women want them to level the playing field. Oh, and they also want them to literally level the playing field. They're constantly forced to play on AstroTurf, even at the World Cup, something that the men's team has never had to do. They don't play on the turf? - Not one game. - [Hasan] Others would argue that the women's soccer team should be grateful just to play, like Gavin McInnes. Sure, he looks like an art school dropout with The Shins cover band, but he has his own show and is a Fox News contributor. - Women do earn less in America because they choose to. - [Hasan] Yep, not surprisingly, he thinks the women's lawsuit is a waste of time. - Men's soccer has been getting 10 times the eyeballs. - [Hasan] You know what? I'm gonna let the ladies handle this one. - Well, we actually. - Yeah. - Broke the record for the most.