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  • - Before we get into the special,

  • I always wanted to know,

  • what is your favorite memory of working at The Daily Show?

  • - Oh man,

  • uh, today.

  • - No, I mean like of, of like all time.

  • - No, right now, this is great.

  • - No, I know you're really enthusiastic about things.

  • - No, this is awesome, like my own desk.

  • This is kinda cool.

  • - [Trevor] That's still my desk.

  • - No, no, no, I like this on me.

  • It's my show.

  • - It's not your show.

  • We're just doing a special about--

  • - We'll be right back.

  • - No, you can't say that 'cause the show--

  • - Here it is, your Moment of Them,

  • the best of Hasan Minhaj.

  • - Here it is, your Moment of Them,

  • the best of Hasan Minhaj.

  • (audience applauds)

  • - Canada, from their awful beer

  • to their God-awful Canadian tuxedos,

  • they've got a lot to apologize for, but now,

  • they've got a new reason to say sorry

  • and it's coming to destroy America.

  • I'm talking about

  • Syrian refugees.

  • - Thousands of Syrian refugees entering Canada

  • will sneak across the US border.

  • Some of them will be ISIS supporters.

  • - [Hasan] Canada's super progressive prime minister

  • Justin Trudeau has already allowed

  • more than 25,000 of these potential terrorists into Canada.

  • Luckily, I had allies across the border,

  • these Canucks were actually doing

  • something about Trudeau's refugee invasion,

  • and they were more pissed off

  • than any Canadians I had ever seen.

  • - People are really upset.

  • - Oh, yes, good.

  • - We're demanding that the immigration minister

  • bring in more refugees and do it really quickly.

  • - What?

  • You guys want more refugees?

  • - Absolutely, we have thousands of people across the country

  • waiting to welcome people into their homes.

  • - Are you (bleeps) nuts?

  • It turns out they were part of the problem,

  • something call the Private Sponsorship Program.

  • Only in Canada can groups of five or more people

  • just raise money and bring over Syrian refugees themselves.

  • It's like Kickstarter for terrorists.

  • - Almost 10,000 have been brought in by groups like ours.

  • - This is just like Game of Thrones, okay?

  • You're gonna let these brown Ice Walkers

  • go nuts up in the North,

  • then they're gonna cross the border and kill all Americans.

  • - This isn't about you.

  • We're doing this for ourselves

  • and we're doing it for the refugees we're bringing in.

  • - It is about me if I'm gonna die.

  • - It's not even that big a risk.

  • Look at the facts.

  • And we don't say a-boot.

  • - Okay, I'm sorry.

  • - That, we say.

  • - Okay, let's look at the facts.

  • Since 9/11, zero terrorists planning attacks

  • have been caught crossing the US-Canada border,

  • but if you go back almost 20 years,

  • two people have tried and one of them was a refugee.

  • Sure, he was caught and is serving two

  • consecutive life sentences,

  • but it proves you can't say

  • there is a 0% chance because it's way more.

  • There's a 0.00019% chance.

  • Our border is like a Starbucks bathroom.

  • Anybody can just walk in there and blow (bleeps) up.

  • This guy knows what I'm talking about.

  • - They're screens by the UN.

  • They're safe.

  • They come here, they Canadian-ize.

  • - No, you guys.

  • - Don't you have more Americans dying from gun incidents

  • and mass shootings than from terrorism every year?

  • - But those people aren't terrorists.

  • They have mental problems, there's a difference.

  • - The difference being the color of the skin?

  • - Yes, White people have mental illnesses.

  • Brown people are biologically

  • designed to kill you guys.

  • - Have you met a recent-arrived refugee?

  • - Why would I go meet someone who's gonna kill me?

  • - So we're gonna decide not to help 49,999 people

  • because one person went bad?

  • - Yep.

  • That's the American way.

  • - That's not how we look at it.

  • We wouldn't blame all Syrians for that one Syrian.

  • We don't blame all Americans for Donald Trump.

  • - You should.

  • These hosiers just didn't get it.

  • I decided to seek out the man who started this mess,

  • the one Canadian who could shut this whole thing down.

  • Why are you trying to destroy North America?

  • You're letting anyone walk in and just (bleeps) up.

  • - North America was built with people

  • fleeing persecution, conflicts, wars,

  • trying to build a better life

  • for themselves and their families.

  • - It's too open, it's too free.

  • Mr. J.T., I went to customs and they were like,

  • "What are you here to do?"

  • And I'm like,

  • "I am here to roast Prime Minister Justin Trudeau."

  • And do you know what the guy said?

  • "Have a nice day."

  • (laughs)

  • What if I came here to literally roasts you?

  • - You might find that a little more difficult than you,

  • than you think.

  • (audience laughs)

  • - Are you gonna kick my ass right now?

  • - Are you gonna literally roast me?

  • - No.

  • - Then we're fine.

  • - [Hasan] Things were getting heated in Ottawa.

  • Luckily, I had America to back me up.

  • Right now, 51% of Americans oppose

  • letting any Syrian refugees into the US.

  • Just like we had the guts to say

  • no to Jewish refugee children,

  • Hungarians fleeing mass murder and the Vietnamese.

  • - You know, I think maybe we have better

  • faith in the people we invite over.

  • - [Hasan] Faith?

  • You're talking about the greatest Canadian

  • terrorist threat since September 11, 2001,

  • the day Nickelback unleashed

  • their breakthrough album Silver Side Up on America.

  • That's a real fact, look it up.

  • - You know what?

  • Nickelback's all right.

  • - But you know what isn't' all right?

  • Terrorists on moose back crossing our northern border.

  • Mr. Trudeau, you cannot trust these people.

  • You're gonna breed an ISIS

  • that's impervious to cold, an ice ISIS.

  • Mr. Prime Minister,

  • we are sitting here in the wake of so many terror attacks.

  • How can you be sure letting in all of these refugees,

  • that even in .01% become radicalized,

  • you could be living with 25 different Paris attacks,

  • 25 different Belgium attack,

  • how can you go to sleep at night

  • knowing that that risk is imminent?

  • - We live in a world where there are always risks.

  • The question is how much

  • do you want to live in fear of those risks?

  • The best counter to the kind of radicalization

  • and marginalization that we've seen in other

  • parts of the world is to create

  • an inclusive society where everyone,

  • especially Muslim-Canadians,

  • have every opportunity to succeed just like everybody else.

  • - [Hasan] Okay, fair point.

  • I'm willing to admit that some refugees aren't terrorists,

  • but still, they're just so foreign.

  • - One of the great things about Canadian culture

  • is we figured out that it's done by addition.

  • So, you know,

  • you take flavors and perspectives

  • and experience of the world,

  • and you create something better than the sum of its parts.

  • - [Hasan] Wait a minute.

  • Flavors, ingredients, he's talking about a melting pot.

  • That's our thing.

  • Are we really gonna let Canada steal our brand?

  • America has always been the land of opportunity, and yes,

  • we've also kind of always been afraid of refugees too.

  • But we're at our best when we're staring terrorists

  • straight in the face and saying,

  • "Kiss our red, white, black, brown, beige, and blue asses."

  • Or as one American philosopher put it,

  • "If we were to strive to reach absolute safety,

  • "we would not have freedom."

  • Thanks, Sarah Palin, and thanks, Canada.

  • Superstar athletes have the life.

  • We're talking cars, jets,

  • even their pet albino tigers get cars.

  • But not all pro athletes are happy with the big bucks.

  • In fact, the women's soccer team

  • is taking legal action because they want more.

  • - Players on the US women's national soccer team

  • say they're being discriminated

  • against because they make less

  • than members of the men's team.

  • - [Reporter] Filed a federal complaint

  • against the US Soccer Federation.

  • - [Hasan] I sat down with three members

  • of the US women's soccer team

  • to find out why they're being so greedy.

  • - We're not being greedy.

  • We're just fighting for what's right.

  • - Our contributions to the Federation

  • should be seen as equal to what the men have done.

  • - Fine, whatever, but you need to understand

  • that the men made it to the round

  • of 16 in the World Cup.

  • - Well, we've won three World Cups.

  • - Well, they are ranked

  • 30th in the world.

  • - We're ranked number one.

  • - Um, they play with so much

  • passion.

  • - We have four Olympic gold medals.

  • - [Hasan] Humble brags, okay.

  • But how much less could their pay possibly be?

  • - If we win a match, we get $1,300.

  • The men, they get around $17,000.

  • - Whoa.

  • - If the men's team loses, they make $5,000.

  • - Five Gs if you lose?

  • Could you imagine having that much money?

  • - Can't really image it because

  • we don't get paid anything if we lose.

  • - Maybe that's why you guys don't lose.

  • Silver lining.

  • (bleeps)

  • - Kidding me?

  • - Why don't you guys just pick up second jobs?

  • Uber driving.

  • After you guys' games,

  • surge pricing will definitely be high.

  • Boom, you're driving fans home at 1.5, maybe two, three X.

  • - I don't have time to go be an Uber driver.

  • We put in our time to win gold medals for this team.

  • - Well, the US Soccer Federation

  • has its own interpretation of the pay differences.

  • The bottom line is the women

  • want them to level the playing field.

  • Oh, and they also want them to literally

  • level the playing field.

  • They're constantly forced to play on AstroTurf,

  • even at the World Cup,

  • something that the men's team has never had to do.

  • They don't play on the turf?

  • - Not one game.

  • - [Hasan] Others would argue that the women's

  • soccer team should be grateful just to play,

  • like Gavin McInnes.

  • Sure, he looks like an art school

  • dropout with The Shins cover band,

  • but he has his own show and is a Fox News contributor.

  • - Women do earn less in America because they choose to.

  • - [Hasan] Yep, not surprisingly,

  • he thinks the women's lawsuit is a waste of time.

  • - Men's soccer has been getting 10 times the eyeballs.

  • - [Hasan] You know what?

  • I'm gonna let the ladies handle this one.

  • - Well, we actually.

  • - Yeah.

  • - Broke the record for the most.