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  • American society can be kind of strangely loveless

  • even though we romanticize sex and romance so much.

  • And you can see that in like, everything from

  • reality shows about weddings to iconic rom-coms.

  • Dating is not dead, romance is not dead

  • It just evolves with changes in the economy

  • And this is, you know,

  • I think this could be a reason for optimism.

  • As well as looking more critically at

  • why we date the ways we do.

  • I like to joke that dating was invented in 1896

  • because the first time we find that word

  • on the printed record

  • being used the way we use it now, was then.

  • In the early years, it was really thought to be

  • as sort of disreputable activity

  • because it was mostly working class women,

  • poor women, immigrant women who did it.

  • Who were in cities, going out on the street

  • going out to bars, and like Coney Island,

  • and New York or movies with men.

  • And it was thought to be really shocking

  • because there was no precedent for that.

  • In older courtship systems,

  • the platform where courtship happens

  • is controlled by the family, which presumably

  • has a stake in how it turns out.

  • So it's like, your mom and your aunt

  • in your Jane Austen-y parlor,

  • they care about whether or not you get married

  • they have an economic stake in that.

  • When it moves into public spaces

  • like bars, or movie theaters, or like Tinder,

  • The people who provide the platform

  • no longer have a stake in your "pairing off."

  • Indeed it would be better for them if you never paired off

  • and if you kept buying drinks and processing photos.

  • The economy is constantly pushing us

  • to try to do all this work that's actually for corporations,

  • not for our happiness.

  • And whether that's getting a Brazilian wax

  • and working out two hours a day,

  • or like working on your OKCupid profile

  • every time they ask you to,

  • It's just important to remember that like,

  • that is exploited labor, I would say.

  • And ideally, you know

  • the work of dating, the labor of love is work

  • that an individual can take a more active control over.

  • I mean to put it more prosaically,

  • get off the app as fast as you can.

  • I definitely don't mean to just say, you know,

  • "we're all just drones for the

  • Tinder industrial complex full-time now."

  • You know, it's not hopeless.

  • Definitely not.

  • Honoring love means accepting

  • that it's like this active form of care

  • that we can do for one another.

  • And it's not like if we give it away to one person, then it's gone

  • and so we have to guard it.

  • If you like some one and had sex with them and liked it,

  • that's not a waste of time if you don't

  • get married and have kids.

  • Our desire to have sex or to connect with other people

  • is literally the gift that we each have

  • that allows us to recreate the world however we want.

  • The idea that love could be like world changing labor

  • is really exciting.

American society can be kind of strangely loveless


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B1 中級

なぜデートはそんなに仕事なのか? (Why Is Dating So Much Work?)

  • 15 2
    Courtney Shih に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日