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  • The British Royal Family.

  • They're like the Kardashians with an occasional beheading.

  • -(laughter, groans) -Now, the Royal Family

  • has had plenty scandals in their time, but right now

  • they're going through an unprecedented crisis.

  • Last week, Prince Harry and Meghan Markle announced

  • that they are no longer going to be

  • on the family phone plan anymore.

  • And so today, the queen called everyone together

  • for an emergency Royal Summit.

  • We move now-- and we just mentioned it

  • a couple of seconds ago--

  • the latest drama surrounding the Royals.

  • The queen, as we speak, holding a crisis summit

  • with her family in the wake of Prince Harry

  • and Meghan Markle's stunning decision

  • to step back from their role.

  • Harry and his Dad Charles and brother William were there,

  • and Meghan Markle reportedly

  • called in from Canada.

  • Yes. The queen summoned everyone to a private meeting

  • at her royal country house, and everyone attended

  • except Meghan Markle, who conference-called in.

  • And I'll be honest, I don't blame Meghan for not going.

  • Because nothing good happens

  • when white people invite you to the countryside.

  • -(laughter) -I...

  • -(applause) -We all know.

  • We've all seen it. We've all seen Get Out.

  • We know how this shit ends.

  • (applause, whooping)

  • And by the way, how gangsta is it

  • that the queen is 93 years old and still driving herself? Huh?

  • That is so dope. 93 years old. She's in a Range Rover

  • like she's in a hip-hop video from the '90s.

  • Like, you could throw some Biggie under that clip,

  • and it wouldn't look out of place.

  • Uh! ♪

  • Uh! ♪

  • Come on

  • Sicka than your average

  • Poppa twist cabbage off instinct

  • ♪ ... don't think shit stink

  • Pink gators, my Detroit players

  • Timbs for my hooligans... ♪

  • Anyway, the big question everyone's asking right now is:

  • Why?

  • Why would Harry and Meghan

  • want out of a life that so many people dream of having?

  • I mean, think about it, we kiss frogs

  • to try and become royalty. Huh?

  • -The only thing I've ever gotten is frog herpes. -(laughter)

  • But for Harry and Meghan in particular

  • the reality of being a royal couple

  • has been far from a fairy tale.

  • NEWSMAN: Just a few months into their relationship,

  • British tabloids descended on them

  • with racially charged headlines and commentary.

  • Like this one from the Daily Mail that read:

  • "Harry's girl is almost straight out of Compton."

  • A British deejay has been fired for a controversial tweet

  • about the royal baby.

  • The BBC's Danny Baker posted a photo showing a couple

  • holding hands with a chimpanzee,

  • and the caption read: "Royal baby leaves hospital."

  • The wife of one of the queen's cousins,

  • Princess Michael of Kent, wore what's called

  • a blackamoor brooch to the queen's annual Christmas lunch,

  • with Harry and Meghan in attendance.

  • The jewelry is widely viewed as racist

  • for its depiction of black people.

  • Wow. Wearing a blackamoor brooch to meet Meghan's, like, family?

  • You're meeting Meghan Markle, you're meeting everyone else.

  • That is next-level.

  • Like, I wonder if this woman has

  • a cabinet full of racist brooches

  • for different occasions.

  • Like, who even has that? Is she just like,

  • "Jeeves, I'm off to Korea.

  • "Fetch my necklace of a dog in a frying pan, please.

  • We're going all the way."

  • But this shows you, this shows you some

  • of what Meghan was up against.

  • Right? To her critics, you've got to understand,

  • Meghan was everything people didn't want in the Royal Family.

  • She's black. She's from the middle class.

  • She's a divorcee. And worst of all,

  • she said the American version of The Office is way better.

  • (laughter)

  • And the biggest... the biggest culprit

  • of the Meghan criticism has been the British tabloid press.

  • I mean, just look at a few of these stories.

  • It went viral this weekend, like, how they covered Meghan

  • in comparison to Kate Middleton, all right?

  • Direct... direct stories. When Kate was pregnant,

  • the Daily Mail said: "Pregnant Kate tenderly cradles

  • her baby bump."

  • But when Meghan did the exact same thing,

  • the headline was: "Why can't Meghan Markle

  • "keep her hands off her bump?

  • Is it pride, vanity, acting...?"

  • The press did this with everything.

  • When Kate was pregnant, the Express said

  • that she was eating avocadoes for her morning sickness cure.

  • But then when Meghan ate them,

  • suddenly Meghan's beloved avocadoes were linked

  • to human rights abuse and drought!

  • Yeah. And I mean, think about it.

  • Prince Andrew's over here having sleepovers

  • at Jeffrey Epstein's house, and the British press is like:

  • "Meghan Markle ordered guacamole!"

  • (laughter)

  • So it's-it's completely understandable

  • that Harry and Meghan would want to step away

  • from all of this hate in the UK.

  • But now everyone is wondering what they'll do

  • to support themselves without any of that royal cash.

  • Well, good news: Meghan's already got herself a job.

  • Meghan, the Duchess of Sussex,

  • is reportedly working on a deal

  • to record a voice-over for Disney.

  • Meghan and Prince Harry met with Disney CEO

  • at the London premiere of The Lion King in July,

  • where Harry appeared to discuss possible future projects.

  • Okay, wait.

  • Prince Harry really did that?

  • At a movie premiere last year,

  • he asked the CEO of Disney

  • to hook his wife up with voice-overs.

  • And, I mean, don't get me wrong.

  • On the one hand, husband goals.

  • On the other hand, you got to admit

  • the monarchy has fallen off, right?

  • No, 'cause back in the day, it used to be like,

  • "If you marry my daughter, I'll give you Burgundy."

  • And now it's like, "My wife actually does

  • "a pretty good Timon. You should hear her.

  • "Come on, baby, do the thing.

  • 'Hakuna... Hakuna Matata.' Do the thing."

  • And, you know, what's funny

  • is whenever you see the world's most powerful people talking,

  • we always assume that they're talking about important things

  • like climate change or world peace

  • or the next Illuminati orgy,

  • but it turns out they're all just hustling.

  • Yeah. It's like, "Oh, did I mention

  • "I started selling fudge?

  • "Take, uh, my card with my website on it.

  • It's BillGatesFudge.com."

  • (laughter)

  • But that's where we are right now.

  • Meghan and Harry are on their way to a new life,

  • the press is losing one of their favorite targets

  • and the queen is so angry about it

  • that she's about to go do some drive-bys.

The British Royal Family.

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ハリーとメーガンの王室退場について|ザ・デイリーショー (Harry and Meghan’s Royal Exit Explained | The Daily Show)

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    Courtney Shih に公開 2021 年 01 月 14 日
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